To think most people offer a brew as soon as visitors arrive

Brew and cuppa are both to be avoided IMO. Brew reminds me of a witches brew, and any way tea infuses not brews, and cuppa just sounds childish to me. I'd just ask a visitor if they'd like a drink, or if it's the morning a coffee :)

Yes, I always offer tea pretty straight away. (Then they ask for coffee and I have to faff about because we don't have instant!) But MIL lives five hours' drive away and when we get there, she doesn't offer. I'm always gasping when we get there. Once I asked if it was alright if I made myself tea and she was a bit sniffy and said I could if I made one for everybody! So DH just puts the kettle on now, without asking.

Yes, but having grown up with that, and then living in more direct cultures, I decided to stop playing that game. I offer tea/coffee. If you say no, I’m not playing the ‘Go on, go on’ game.

Yes, horrible!

I grew up with so much of an enforced hospitality thing, ranging from ‘Go on, go on’ to my mother producing three-course meals for visitors who had explicitly said they had jist eaten and could only stay ten minutes, that I actually enjoy visiting someone who’s not too food and drink-focused, and I’m not one to press tea or coffee on people. If I know you’re coming, I might bake a cake, but I never have biscuits. I never offer tradesmen a drink, I direct them to the kettle.

"Will you have a cup of tea?"
"No thanks. I'm grand"
"Ah you will."
"No I just stood up from my tea."
"Ah sure you'll have a cup of tea just to please me."
"I'll just have a cup out of me hand, so."

In the car home: "She didn't even offer us a biscuit."
🤣

It’s funny to read this as a British person who has lived in the U.S. for many years. I always offer drinks but not hot drinks. I don’t think I have ever been to someone’s house and been offered hot drinks either. No one I know drinks tea and most people my age only drink coffee in the early am. Wouldn’t cross my mind to offer coffee unless someone specifically asks as it just wouldn’t be the done thing. Same with anyone working in my house, just cold drinks and never snacks. Not the norm
at all.

Yes ma’am! 🫡

They are usually doing manual labour - they need fuel to keep them going! That’s why they usually eat biscuits and have sugar in their hot drinks!

It’s also about generating goodwill. Scratch their back and they might scratch yours! For instance, our plumber agreed to charge us trade price for our new boiler, when he could easily have kept the trade discount himself?

The moment you cross the threshold in my house, you’re offered a hot drink. It doesn’t matter if you’re the window cleaner, the fella carrying out the boiler service, or a guest per se.
It’s very rude not to offer someone something to drink.

It’s polite to offer guests something. If they aren’t invited for lunch or dinner you MUST offer tea and biscuits 😁

Definitely. If I'm quite familiar with the person & comfortable in their home I've no problem saying "do you mind if I put the kettle on?" But they usually offer first

@Tilly1234566
What if guests had travelled say 1.5-2 hours to visit you. Would you not offer something to drink?

Yes always offer a drink it's good manners.

My SIL makes you wait fir a brew. She is a 3 hour drive away, and we are gagging when we get there. But we are sat in the lounge, have a chat about nothing, and all we can think about is tea. We have thought about popping to Greggs for a tea before we visit, but usually looking forward to seeing them.

It literally is your family tradition if your family are asking you for it!

So, yes, it's incredibly impolite for you not to remember that your parents would like and expect a cup of tea when they arrive.

I’d never offer ‘a brew’. I always offer a drink, hot or cold but a brew is not vernacular here.

For goodness sake, I'd be asking them "have you paid your leccy bill? Well get 't bloody kettle on then!"

You'd hate me! I don't drink tea of coffee. And I always forget to offer a drink to visitors!
I also work where I often have people shadowing me etc. Never offer them a drink.
Sorry everyone!

"Your water's been cut off, has it?"

^ British best mate to non-British friend not familiar with "the kettle must be on within 3 minutes of opening the door to someone" etiquette.

Never forgot to offer after that.

Cuppa isn't so bad when spoken but as soon as it's written down it's got a terrible 'how do you do, fellow kids' feeling. Obviously not in terms of pretending you're a teenager, but it's like an over familiar Innocent smoothie bottle. Probably rarely was written down, but now social media means that more casual interactions are written down and it still feels 'off'.

What time are they arriving? If they're invited for dinner, I wouldn't spoil their appetite with a brew on arrival. That's for after dinner with dessert.

It's not polite to assume all people have the same traditions. I don't get involved in the weird obsessions that people have about tea or coffee. You want one. You ask. It's your vice not mine. No one ever offers me a Haribo. That's MY vice 😄

Well, I'm from the Midlands and don't hear either as 'performative', just friendly and welcoming.

Calling it a brew sounds like performative Corrie to me but I understand it might not if I lived in the north.

Calling it a cuppa sounds like performative EastEnders to me but I understand it might not if I lived in the south.

I find this quite hard to believe! I’ve literally never been to a home of a British person and not been offered refreshment almost immediately. “ come in and have a cup of tea’ is standard phrasing, standard practice.