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Original poster

Partners Adult Daughter

161 replies

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 17:45

Been with current partner 3 years, his adult daughter (20’s) moved back in with him recently. She has complained about us having sex (in our bedroom) we had radio on and was very very quiet (it was at night) she sent her dad nasty text messages - referencing both of us - saying we were disgusting and that it’s not fair on her.

I am trying to work out how we manage this as she is here every night, so we can’t abstein permanently ? I do understand - but we were very very quiet and respectful but her room is next door so can’t guarantee her hearing nothing. Are we being unreasonable ? Any suggestions? Don’t want to cause any problems between dad and daughter.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 19:08

Screamingabdabz · 03/10/2025 18:55

I feel sorry for her. She’s a young woman and it’s probably not an easy option to ‘just move out and get her own place’ - it must be revolting being stuck and hearing two middle aged people shagging in the place she thinks of as home. I’d be mortified if my boyfriend’s dd even heard a peep, let alone complained multiple times about it.

Thanks what do you suggest we do then

OP posts:
suburberphobe · 03/10/2025 19:04

^You could always get a bit creative locations wise OP!
Easier in summer than winter, granted.
Could you stretch to a garden room that's just for the two of you, or a shepherd's hut? Could be quite romantic.^

In an Autumn storm!?

Utterly ridiculous comment. I presume daughter does not pay anything towards the house situation?

Why should she dictate what her mum can do in her own house?

Mumsnet is so weird sometimes.

Let mum have sex! Daughter can move out if she doesn't like it.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 03/10/2025 18:59

Nobody wants to hear their dad shagging ffs.

She's probably as mortified as you OP.

DorothyStorm · 03/10/2025 18:57

Branleuse · 03/10/2025 18:53

how did your partner respond? Why is this your problem to solve and not up to him?

Id be interested to know how he responds to her audacity.

I would do nothing tbh. You havent done anything wrong.

This. Not your problem to sort.

Screamingabdabz · 03/10/2025 18:55

I feel sorry for her. She’s a young woman and it’s probably not an easy option to ‘just move out and get her own place’ - it must be revolting being stuck and hearing two middle aged people shagging in the place she thinks of as home. I’d be mortified if my boyfriend’s dd even heard a peep, let alone complained multiple times about it.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 18:55

Branleuse · 03/10/2025 18:53

how did your partner respond? Why is this your problem to solve and not up to him?

Id be interested to know how he responds to her audacity.

I would do nothing tbh. You havent done anything wrong.

He hasn’t told me about the messages I think he was trying to protect me, but I could see the messages, he told her it was his house

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 18:54

Flossflower · 03/10/2025 18:51

I am surprised that a 24 year old is in every evening.

Yes I know, but she is, but even if she went out (she might do yet, only been back 7/8 weeks) my partner is at work until late so he wouldn’t be here anyway, hence why it was in the middle of the night!

OP posts:
Branleuse · 03/10/2025 18:53

how did your partner respond? Why is this your problem to solve and not up to him?

Id be interested to know how he responds to her audacity.

I would do nothing tbh. You havent done anything wrong.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 18:52

Jk987 · 03/10/2025 18:50

I’d be mortified and it would put me off. How are the walls that thin?
I’d do it when she’s out. Or book a hotel.

I am mortified, she’s here every night none of us here through the day except my partner as he works evenings….we can’t book a hotel every week lol

OP posts:
Flossflower · 03/10/2025 18:51

I am surprised that a 24 year old is in every evening.

Jk987 · 03/10/2025 18:50

I’d be mortified and it would put me off. How are the walls that thin?
I’d do it when she’s out. Or book a hotel.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 18:47

AgnesX · 03/10/2025 18:40

Was it ever her home? If not, tell her to lump it (although I'd probably keep it down a bit in the meantime).

That your partner's unwilling to deal with it means that you might have more of a problem in the not too distant future.

No it was never her home he moved in to this accommodation on his own, however she has lived with him on and off all her life, and I fully respect that. We did keep it down 100%

OP posts:
AgnesX · 03/10/2025 18:40

Was it ever her home? If not, tell her to lump it (although I'd probably keep it down a bit in the meantime).

That your partner's unwilling to deal with it means that you might have more of a problem in the not too distant future.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 18:37

whistlesandbells · 03/10/2025 18:34

How old is the daughter?

24

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 18:36

Mydahliasareshit · 03/10/2025 18:27

You could always get a bit creative locations wise OP!
Easier in summer than winter, granted.
Could you stretch to a garden room that's just for the two of you, or a shepherd's hut? Could be quite romantic.

Edited

No garden it’s rented accommodation

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 18:35

BCSurvivor · 03/10/2025 18:32

You're not being unreasonable so long as you are consistent.
Presumably when your daughter is back from uni and you're having sex in your own house, with your daughter in her nearby bedroom, you will think she is being equally unreasonable if she brings it up?

He doesn’t stay at my house and tbf my daughter also stays at her dads and not with me 100% of the time, I have already said I don’t want to upset anyone or come between father and daughter in my post, so not sure of your point ? My daughter would probably put her headphones on as I do when my daughter has her girlfriend to stay over night!

OP posts:
whistlesandbells · 03/10/2025 18:34

How old is the daughter?

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 18:32

MatildaTheCat · 03/10/2025 18:31

Sounds as if she’s asserting herself as the ‘woman of the house’ and able to lay down the rules. It doesn’t sound as if your partner is going to have a conversation with her about this so you’ll have to decide if you want to be dictated to by this young woman.

I agree with you, it’s what I suspected tbh

OP posts:
BCSurvivor · 03/10/2025 18:32

You're not being unreasonable so long as you are consistent.
Presumably when your daughter is back from uni and you're having sex in your own house, with your daughter in her nearby bedroom, you will think she is being equally unreasonable if she brings it up?

MatildaTheCat · 03/10/2025 18:31

Sounds as if she’s asserting herself as the ‘woman of the house’ and able to lay down the rules. It doesn’t sound as if your partner is going to have a conversation with her about this so you’ll have to decide if you want to be dictated to by this young woman.

Mydahliasareshit · 03/10/2025 18:27

You could always get a bit creative locations wise OP!
Easier in summer than winter, granted.
Could you stretch to a garden room that's just for the two of you, or a shepherd's hut? Could be quite romantic.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 18:24

WellYouWereMythTaken · 03/10/2025 18:23

Sorry just seen you don’t live together. But my point basically stands. She’s being ridiculous.

No don’t live together, because logistically it’s not possible right now, this is the best we can do, but it’s her fathers house and I agree with you

OP posts:
WellYouWereMythTaken · 03/10/2025 18:23

Sorry just seen you don’t live together. But my point basically stands. She’s being ridiculous.

WellYouWereMythTaken · 03/10/2025 18:21

I would tell her if she doesn’t like the people who own the house she is living in having sex with each other in their own home she can move out. I would definitely not tolerate nasty text messages or anything else.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 18:07

ishimbob · 03/10/2025 18:05

It would make things easier all round if you both sometimes stayed at yours - even if that's just once a week, would give you some space from each other

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Yes it might be something we could arrange.

OP posts:
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