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Original poster

Partners Adult Daughter

161 replies

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 17:45

Been with current partner 3 years, his adult daughter (20’s) moved back in with him recently. She has complained about us having sex (in our bedroom) we had radio on and was very very quiet (it was at night) she sent her dad nasty text messages - referencing both of us - saying we were disgusting and that it’s not fair on her.

I am trying to work out how we manage this as she is here every night, so we can’t abstein permanently ? I do understand - but we were very very quiet and respectful but her room is next door so can’t guarantee her hearing nothing. Are we being unreasonable ? Any suggestions? Don’t want to cause any problems between dad and daughter.

OP posts:
BauhausOfEliott · 03/10/2025 20:24

ColinOfficeTrolley · 03/10/2025 18:59

Nobody wants to hear their dad shagging ffs.

She's probably as mortified as you OP.

She’s in her 20s, FFS! If she doesn’t want to hear her dad shagging, she shouldn’t live with her dad.

She’s not a child. She needs to grow up and buy some earplugs or move out.

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 03/10/2025 20:24

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 20:20

She would kick off

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Honestly, let her. She sounds a bit of a sad case, and I couldn't be arsed with tiptoeing around someone like that. Or, go back to your own house and let Prince Charming either watch his chance of a decent shag vanish, or work out how to use Uber.

BauhausOfEliott · 03/10/2025 20:21

autumn1614 · 03/10/2025 17:54

Difficult one…

how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you could hear her? What would you suggest to her?

is there no possibility of doing when she’s not in the house?

If I was a guest in someone else’s house, whoever they were, I would absolutely not be complaining about overhearing them fucking each other because a) they are adults and I am aware that adults have sex, b) I am also an adult and capable of putting headphones on if I don’t want to hear something and c) I am aware that I have absolutely zero right to dictate to the owner of a home - who has kindly allowed me to stay there - when they can shag their partner.

The OP and her partner should absolutely not be restricting their sex life because her partner’s grown adult daughter is behaving like a spoilt bloody 12-year-old. Jeez.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 20:20

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 03/10/2025 20:18

What would happen if you just told her to grow up?

She would kick off

OP posts:
CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 03/10/2025 20:18

What would happen if you just told her to grow up?

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 20:15

Babblingbooks · 03/10/2025 20:12

In that case I think leave it be unless either of them bring it up to you. Why are you getting in a lather about a private conversation between him and his daughter?

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Because I don’t want to be part of a problem, and I feel a bit insulted as she was quite deragatory about me which I don’t like, makes me feel like I’m a bad person.

OP posts:
Babblingbooks · 03/10/2025 20:12

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 18:55

He hasn’t told me about the messages I think he was trying to protect me, but I could see the messages, he told her it was his house

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In that case I think leave it be unless either of them bring it up to you. Why are you getting in a lather about a private conversation between him and his daughter?

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 20:06

LEWWW · 03/10/2025 20:01

Are you sure she just hasn’t assumed you were having sex as you had the radio on in the middle of the night? I mean I’d assume sex 🤣

he always has his radio on but that’s a separate issue 🤣

OP posts:
LEWWW · 03/10/2025 20:01

Are you sure she just hasn’t assumed you were having sex as you had the radio on in the middle of the night? I mean I’d assume sex 🤣

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 19:48

DorothyStorm · 03/10/2025 19:39

Do you own your house?
Is there a reason he doesnt drive?

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🤣🤣yes I own my house, what relevance is that ? and I don’t know why he doesn’t drive! Doubt he will learn now…some people just don’t drive

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 19:46

Toofficeornot · 03/10/2025 19:42

Shrely you have sex very quietly if other people are in the house? Why is it so noisy.
I have never heard my parents having sex and my kids have never heard me having sex. Just do it very quietly or when noone is in surely?
What is the noise, is it the bed squeeking as you could get a more solid bed, ours doesnt make a sound its a divan with heavy mattress and make sure there is a rug underneath etc

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We were quiet ! Read my post and had radio on…we are not sex monsters lol, it must of been the bed, we haven’t had sex since.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 19:44

Scarlettpixie · 03/10/2025 19:38

Let’s rethink this. What would you do if she were 10 or 14? Would you mange to be quiet then? Who wants to hear the parent/parents having sex?

My son has his girlfriend stay over and I told him I know they are going to have sex but I don’t want to hear them. I haven’t so it’s definitely possible.

It you can’t do it quietly, go downstairs, go to yours, make some time in the day. Parents up and down manage to have sex without their kids hearing. It doesn’t matter how old she is!

We were quiet and had radio on no screaming or swinging from ceiling, I think it’s the place he lives in….bedrooms downstairs, if we came upstairs, I think she would hear more, the other issue is our work schedules are opposite, and when I said we was quiet we was. I’m not disrespectful, and never feel comfortable, this is the first anything has been said so maybe a one off, we haven’t had sex since

OP posts:
Toofficeornot · 03/10/2025 19:42

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 19:31

Yes but not on a regular basis maybe in the holidays, his work is 40 minutes drive from my home, he doesn’t drive, he works in hospitality, finishes around 11-11.30pm so I would have to drive to pick him and drive back to mine…on his 2 days off a week he has his little girl. Not all situations have a solution, and the other point is that his daughter has lived with him and his previous partner (not her mum). They must of had sex! What do married couples do? I was married a long time we sex, we had children.

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Shrely you have sex very quietly if other people are in the house? Why is it so noisy.
I have never heard my parents having sex and my kids have never heard me having sex. Just do it very quietly or when noone is in surely?
What is the noise, is it the bed squeeking as you could get a more solid bed, ours doesnt make a sound its a divan with heavy mattress and make sure there is a rug underneath etc

DorothyStorm · 03/10/2025 19:39

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 19:08

So what do you suggest then

Show quote history

Do you own your house?
Is there a reason he doesnt drive?

Scarlettpixie · 03/10/2025 19:38

Let’s rethink this. What would you do if she were 10 or 14? Would you mange to be quiet then? Who wants to hear the parent/parents having sex?

My son has his girlfriend stay over and I told him I know they are going to have sex but I don’t want to hear them. I haven’t so it’s definitely possible.

It you can’t do it quietly, go downstairs, go to yours, make some time in the day. Parents up and down manage to have sex without their kids hearing. It doesn’t matter how old she is!

Greenwitchart · 03/10/2025 19:38

Frankly OP no one, even as an adult, wants to have to hear their parent having sex.

So I can understand that she is grossed out by it.

The best thing to do is for her to move out.

Toofficeornot · 03/10/2025 19:37

I feel like I would feel feel physically sick if I hear my dad or mum having sex and I am in my 40s now.
Do you know what the noise is that she can hear? Is it the bed, screaming, banging on the wall? Surely there is a noise solution depending what is making the noise?

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 19:31

Takintoda3 · 03/10/2025 19:27

Further up you said it was something you could arrange?

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Yes but not on a regular basis maybe in the holidays, his work is 40 minutes drive from my home, he doesn’t drive, he works in hospitality, finishes around 11-11.30pm so I would have to drive to pick him and drive back to mine…on his 2 days off a week he has his little girl. Not all situations have a solution, and the other point is that his daughter has lived with him and his previous partner (not her mum). They must of had sex! What do married couples do? I was married a long time we sex, we had children.

OP posts:
Takintoda3 · 03/10/2025 19:27

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 19:21

Logistically not possible

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Further up you said it was something you could arrange?

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 19:21

Zanatdy · 03/10/2025 19:19

You have an easy solution - your empty house

Not possible

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 19:21

Takintoda3 · 03/10/2025 19:19

Stay at your empty house more often

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Logistically not possible

OP posts:
Takintoda3 · 03/10/2025 19:19

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 19:08

So what do you suggest then

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Stay at your empty house more often

Zanatdy · 03/10/2025 19:19

You have an easy solution - your empty house

ClawsandEffect · 03/10/2025 19:14

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 17:53

So did you end it? She has him wrapped round her little finger, and he doesn’t like any confrontation

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Yeah. He was weak. Not just this issue. There were others. Almost exclusively about her, but still. He didn't have to go along with her. I wouldn't say it was a 'her' problem. He didn't have to do what she said. He's a grown man.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 19:08

ColinOfficeTrolley · 03/10/2025 18:59

Nobody wants to hear their dad shagging ffs.

She's probably as mortified as you OP.

So what do you suggest then

OP posts: