Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partners Adult Daughter

161 replies

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 17:45

Been with current partner 3 years, his adult daughter (20’s) moved back in with him recently. She has complained about us having sex (in our bedroom) we had radio on and was very very quiet (it was at night) she sent her dad nasty text messages - referencing both of us - saying we were disgusting and that it’s not fair on her.

I am trying to work out how we manage this as she is here every night, so we can’t abstein permanently ? I do understand - but we were very very quiet and respectful but her room is next door so can’t guarantee her hearing nothing. Are we being unreasonable ? Any suggestions? Don’t want to cause any problems between dad and daughter.

OP posts:
FlockofSquirrels · 03/10/2025 22:11

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 22:06

I didn’t snoop 🤣 I was laid next to him as the messages came through I could see them, hardly snooping.

Show quote history

Did he engage you in any conversation about the texts or ask you verbally or nonverbally to read them?

Reading someone's texts over their shoulder or similar is indeed snooping.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 22:06

FlockofSquirrels · 03/10/2025 22:00

Hang on.

No one has said a word to or in front of you about this. You only know she complained to her dad about not wanting to hear him having sex because you snooped on their private text messages and in those messages his response to her complaint was to remind her that it's his house not hers.

The answer to your "what do I do?" question is that you pretend you never snooped and continue on being reasonably respectful about sex noise in a family home. Your partner didn't bring it up to you and he didn't ask you to be quieter or make any change - he's not asking you to make this a shared problem, so let him deal with his daughter in his home.

I didn’t snoop 🤣 I was laid next to him as the messages came through I could see them, hardly snooping.

OP posts:
FlockofSquirrels · 03/10/2025 22:00

Hang on.

No one has said a word to or in front of you about this. You only know she complained to her dad about not wanting to hear him having sex because you snooped on their private text messages and in those messages his response to her complaint was to remind her that it's his house not hers.

The answer to your "what do I do?" question is that you pretend you never snooped and continue on being reasonably respectful about sex noise in a family home. Your partner didn't bring it up to you and he didn't ask you to be quieter or make any change - he's not asking you to make this a shared problem, so let him deal with his daughter in his home.

Toofficeornot · 03/10/2025 21:56

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 19:46

We were quiet ! Read my post and had radio on…we are not sex monsters lol, it must of been the bed, we haven’t had sex since.

Show quote history

Test it out when shes not there. One of you go in her room and the other bounce around a bit on the bed to simulate it. Maybe the noise is echoing through the floor or walls that you are not aware of!! Might help to then find a solution like a rubber mat under the bed or less creaky springs. If you were being quiet then I would think there is noise carrying through to her room that you are not aware of.

grumpygrape · 03/10/2025 21:51

Absentosaur · 03/10/2025 21:37

In a pp OP said they couldn’t stay at her house really as it’s a 40 min drive (or similar), from his work. But he doesn’t drive so can’t do that.

Edited
Show quote history

He doesn't drive is a fact.

Why, is of no relevance to the issue.

SnippySnappy · 03/10/2025 21:49

70sMuuMuu · 03/10/2025 21:46

I’d rather hear that than the type of comment you think it appropriate to make.

Show quote history

You'd literally rather hear your parents shagging than read the word 'fuck' on an online forum? Takes all sorts I suppose 😂

70sMuuMuu · 03/10/2025 21:46

SnippySnappy · 03/10/2025 21:39

Not quiet enough. Just rein it in a bit. How would you feel if you heard your own mother or father fucking?

Show quote history

I’d rather hear that than the type of comment you think it appropriate to make.

70sMuuMuu · 03/10/2025 21:45

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 21:43

Well that would be impossible as they are both dead! And please don’t judge me.

Show quote history

On the plus side, we’re all judging the poster that thought that an appropriate comment to make!

70sMuuMuu · 03/10/2025 21:44

Flossflower · 03/10/2025 18:51

I am surprised that a 24 year old is in every evening.

Often surprised? 😊

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 21:43

SnippySnappy · 03/10/2025 21:39

Not quiet enough. Just rein it in a bit. How would you feel if you heard your own mother or father fucking?

Show quote history

Well that would be impossible as they are both dead! And please don’t judge me.

OP posts:
Denim4ever · 03/10/2025 21:41

Point out that it would be more worrying if you weren't

sciaticafanatica · 03/10/2025 21:41

@SnippySnappyas a teen I would have been mortified but as an adult I would have put some earphones in and not mentioned it

me24x · 03/10/2025 21:41

Screamingabdabz · 03/10/2025 18:55

I feel sorry for her. She’s a young woman and it’s probably not an easy option to ‘just move out and get her own place’ - it must be revolting being stuck and hearing two middle aged people shagging in the place she thinks of as home. I’d be mortified if my boyfriend’s dd even heard a peep, let alone complained multiple times about it.

I couldn’t have put it better myself!! So shocked by the comments from people on here saying she needs to move out, wear earplugs or even get a life??

SnippySnappy · 03/10/2025 21:39

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 21:34

We were very quiet. The end.

Show quote history

Not quiet enough. Just rein it in a bit. How would you feel if you heard your own mother or father fucking?

Absentosaur · 03/10/2025 21:37

grumpygrape · 03/10/2025 21:24

What's that got to do with the price of fish ?

Show quote history

In a pp OP said they couldn’t stay at her house really as it’s a 40 min drive (or similar), from his work. But he doesn’t drive so can’t do that.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 21:34

SnippySnappy · 03/10/2025 21:25

Fuck quieter. The end.

We were very quiet. The end.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 21:34

grumpygrape · 03/10/2025 21:13

If theoretically you don't know about her messages ..... I'd make sure to vamp him into the noisiest sex ever.

Happy to help 🤗🤣

Show quote history

🤣🤣😅

OP posts:
Praying4Peace · 03/10/2025 21:32

Children ( even adult ones) find it difficult to accept that their parents are having sex, even more so when it isn't together.

sciaticafanatica · 03/10/2025 21:30

Noise cancelling headphones for her for Christmas and crack on.
sounds like she’s very immature and can’t accept her father has sex

SnippySnappy · 03/10/2025 21:25

Fuck quieter. The end.

grumpygrape · 03/10/2025 21:24

Absentosaur · 03/10/2025 21:20

Is there a reason he hasn’t learnt to drive?

What's that got to do with the price of fish ?

Absentosaur · 03/10/2025 21:20

Is there a reason he hasn’t learnt to drive?

grumpygrape · 03/10/2025 21:13

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 18:55

He hasn’t told me about the messages I think he was trying to protect me, but I could see the messages, he told her it was his house

Show quote history

If theoretically you don't know about her messages ..... I'd make sure to vamp him into the noisiest sex ever.

Happy to help 🤗🤣

AquaFurball · 03/10/2025 20:34

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 20:15

Because I don’t want to be part of a problem, and I feel a bit insulted as she was quite deragatory about me which I don’t like, makes me feel like I’m a bad person.

Show quote history

Assume he didn't pull her up about this? Her nasty messages are bad enough, him not pulling her up about them is worse.

No wonder you haven't had sex since, he's a wet blanket allowing his adult child disrespect you.

Stop staying there for a few weeks and see if he makes an effort or not.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 20:26

CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 03/10/2025 20:24

Honestly, let her. She sounds a bit of a sad case, and I couldn't be arsed with tiptoeing around someone like that. Or, go back to your own house and let Prince Charming either watch his chance of a decent shag vanish, or work out how to use Uber.

Show quote history

Sorry but that did make me laugh 🤣🤣

OP posts: