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Original poster

Partners Adult Daughter

161 replies

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 17:45

Been with current partner 3 years, his adult daughter (20’s) moved back in with him recently. She has complained about us having sex (in our bedroom) we had radio on and was very very quiet (it was at night) she sent her dad nasty text messages - referencing both of us - saying we were disgusting and that it’s not fair on her.

I am trying to work out how we manage this as she is here every night, so we can’t abstein permanently ? I do understand - but we were very very quiet and respectful but her room is next door so can’t guarantee her hearing nothing. Are we being unreasonable ? Any suggestions? Don’t want to cause any problems between dad and daughter.

OP posts:
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DurinsBane · 22/12/2025 21:54

Bernie54 · 08/10/2025 19:59

🤣🤣🤣

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Did she move out? It your BF tell her to mind her own business?

Original poster
Bernie54 · 08/10/2025 19:59

OneTwinklyCrab · 08/10/2025 08:01

Jump up and down on the bed, making Ooo and Ahhh noises, slap your thighs shouting "Ride 'em cowboy" see how that goes down.

🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
EvieBB · 08/10/2025 12:16

OneTwinklyCrab · 08/10/2025 08:01

Jump up and down on the bed, making Ooo and Ahhh noises, slap your thighs shouting "Ride 'em cowboy" see how that goes down.

LOLOLOLOL. Thanks for that!

Why is there not a laughing emoji available??!

OneTwinklyCrab · 08/10/2025 08:01

Jump up and down on the bed, making Ooo and Ahhh noises, slap your thighs shouting "Ride 'em cowboy" see how that goes down.

PeppyRoseBeaker · 07/10/2025 20:46

Pack her case

GentleJadeOP · 06/10/2025 22:34

CLola24 · 04/10/2025 22:06

I'm absolutely on the daughters side. Hearing anyone having sex is horrific let alone your own dad. Sex doesn't have to be loud. Furthermore, it's her home. Moving back with your parents at that age normally is not a first choice and she's probably already feeling rotten enough.

I agree

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/10/2025 12:58

Why are you working this out? Your partner needs to.

AC246 · 05/10/2025 12:57

MinnieCauldwell · 05/10/2025 09:21

I don't think the daughter wants her father to have a partner. Should op leave him she would make the same complaint again. I think a full and frank discussion is needed between all 3 of you.

Absolutely this.
She has successfully made things awkward.
He needs to sort this out, not you.
You can get involved in the discussion, but its his house, so best he dorts it out.
Otherwise you would be better off making it clear you will give him space.
It will only get worse, not better.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 05/10/2025 11:02

Laurmolonlabe · 05/10/2025 10:52

Hearing anyone having sex is fairly grim- I don't see how this is amplified by it being a parent or parents- surely accepting they had to have sex in order for you to exist is a reasonably early realisation in the growing up process. also in this case i think it's unlikely the daughter did hear them- it is quite clearly controlling behaviour marking her territory.

that is a good point, as there have been other examples that point towards controlling, which I have tried to ignore, because as other comments on here suggest, it’s not my home and not my business.

OP posts:
Laurmolonlabe · 05/10/2025 10:52

Hearing anyone having sex is fairly grim- I don't see how this is amplified by it being a parent or parents- surely accepting they had to have sex in order for you to exist is a reasonably early realisation in the growing up process. also in this case i think it's unlikely the daughter did hear them- it is quite clearly controlling behaviour marking her territory.

MinnieCauldwell · 05/10/2025 09:21

I don't think the daughter wants her father to have a partner. Should op leave him she would make the same complaint again. I think a full and frank discussion is needed between all 3 of you.

tragichero · 05/10/2025 09:21

She is being absolutely outrageous!

I have occasionally heard my parents having sex.

My daughter mentioned a little while ago (not nastily at all, more amused) that she has occasionally heard her dad with his partner, and me with mine, when I had one.

No doubt we will hear her too if and when she starts bringing partners home.

A small amount of sound with sex is probably inevitable, even if you try hard to be quiet. As long as you aren't screaming and shouting at the top of your voices, I really don't see the problem.

And as for those suggesting OP and her partner should only have sex when this woman is out of the house - seriously? Do you honestly think it is acceptable to move back in with a parent and massively inhibit their sex life?

I am shocked anybody even thinks you should entertain this incredibly rude and self centered young woman .

Lennonjingles · 05/10/2025 09:14

You shouldn’t let it stop you having sex with your partner, the DD either has to put up with it or move out if it bothers her that much. I used to hear my parents having sex in my teens, I must admit I hated it, I moved out at 20, I would never have mentioned it, I would have been told it was none of my business as my Dad was quite strict. Perhaps DD can pay for a hotel room for you as a gift.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 05/10/2025 09:12

PollyBell · 05/10/2025 01:54

Not shagging when she is around or do it at your place, what other advice is possible other than having sex when she can hear is beyond creepy so stop it

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ok

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 05/10/2025 09:11

MyElatedUmberFinch · 05/10/2025 08:59

How would you feel if your DD sent you a text if your boyfriend did ever stay at your home?

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I would have a conversation with her about it, I would feel the same way I do now!!

OP posts:
MyElatedUmberFinch · 05/10/2025 08:59

Bernie54 · 05/10/2025 08:45

Younger child doesn’t live there.

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How would you feel if your DD sent you a text if your boyfriend did ever stay at your home?

StmMary · 05/10/2025 08:47

Bernie54 · 03/10/2025 17:45

Been with current partner 3 years, his adult daughter (20’s) moved back in with him recently. She has complained about us having sex (in our bedroom) we had radio on and was very very quiet (it was at night) she sent her dad nasty text messages - referencing both of us - saying we were disgusting and that it’s not fair on her.

I am trying to work out how we manage this as she is here every night, so we can’t abstein permanently ? I do understand - but we were very very quiet and respectful but her room is next door so can’t guarantee her hearing nothing. Are we being unreasonable ? Any suggestions? Don’t want to cause any problems between dad and daughter.

If that was me I'd continue as we were.
She's adult and jealous of your relationship with her dad.
Maybe go to a hotel and enjoy..

Original poster
Bernie54 · 05/10/2025 08:45

AC246 · 05/10/2025 02:04

OP, if she is going to be there long term, think about if you really need this drama?
He has a younger child too?

Younger child doesn’t live there.

OP posts:
AC246 · 05/10/2025 02:04

OP, if she is going to be there long term, think about if you really need this drama?
He has a younger child too?

PollyBell · 05/10/2025 01:54

Bernie54 · 04/10/2025 23:01

Which means I feel bad about it! Hence my post asking for advice.

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Not shagging when she is around or do it at your place, what other advice is possible other than having sex when she can hear is beyond creepy so stop it

EvieBB · 05/10/2025 00:35

Jk987 · 03/10/2025 18:50

I’d be mortified and it would put me off. How are the walls that thin?
I’d do it when she’s out. Or book a hotel.

She must have her ear to the door!

Diarygirlqueen · 05/10/2025 00:30

Spinmerightroundbaby · 04/10/2025 23:11

Or, if there is another bedroom,
move her to a room without a shared wall? Alternatively move her bed so it isn’t against the wall where yours is? I’d say you’ll see if you can make some changes but ultimately this is your house and it’s up to you how you live your lives. You aren’t doing anything wrong.

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This is not the OP house, it is her partners. She has her own home with her daughter who is presently at uni.

Spinmerightroundbaby · 04/10/2025 23:11

Ponoka7 · 03/10/2025 17:47

She needs to move out again, wear ear plugs, or ear pods.

Or, if there is another bedroom,
move her to a room without a shared wall? Alternatively move her bed so it isn’t against the wall where yours is? I’d say you’ll see if you can make some changes but ultimately this is your house and it’s up to you how you live your lives. You aren’t doing anything wrong.

Original poster
Bernie54 · 04/10/2025 23:01

FlockofSquirrels · 04/10/2025 21:39

There's nothing to sort.

No one has had a single conversation with OP about this. OP snooped on her boyfriends' texts and saw that the daughter had complained directly to him. He handled it himself by telling daughter that it's his house. He chose not to bring it up to OP and has not asked her to change a single thing.

Edited
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Which means I feel bad about it! Hence my post asking for advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bernie54 · 04/10/2025 23:00

MyElatedUmberFinch · 04/10/2025 22:08

I agree

I am imagining if my DS moved out and then back in and he heard me having sex with my boyfriend.

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So you have a boyfriend and have sex yes? How do you know you won’t ever be in this position….

OP posts:
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