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Original poster

Colleague sent me message by mistake

688 replies

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 17:15

Our team work remotely but we get together quarterly in person. Yesterday was a meeting in the office in the morning followed by a social so it was casual dress.

I was messaging a colleague earlier back and forth about work matters and he sent something really random and then instantly deleted it but I saw it pop up as a notification so read it.

It said ‘she knew what she was doing in those leggings’ with a sweat emoji.

Now I was the only one wearing leggings yesterday so it was definitely about me. This was at about 3.30 today and I finished at 4 so nothing more was said and I expect my colleague thinks he deleted it before I saw it.

Would you say something if you were me or pretend/forget I ever saw it?

OP posts:
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nomas · 03/10/2025 19:22

Anyahyacinth · 03/10/2025 19:18

This is the language of apologists for sexual assault, adult work colleagues just don’t do this..it’s highly inappropriate to review someone’s appearance as if it has anything to do with you as a colleague. Yuck

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I think we’re being played here by the OP with the drip feeds.

But I don’t think this would meet the threshold for sexual assault. It was a private comment on presumably personal phones that wasn’t very risqué.

NorthXNorthWest · 03/10/2025 19:21

If this is real...

Male Gaze, faux innocence... So predictable.

TheExcitersblowingupmymind · 03/10/2025 19:21

Just msg..care to explain?
And leave it at that even if he replies.
Oh what fun to make him sweat and stew for his fuck up.👍😁

DrowningInSyrup · 03/10/2025 19:20

Just forget it. It was a passing comment about how good you looked, please don't turn it into a huge thing. By 2030 no one will be saying anything to anyone for fear of overstepping.

Bumcake · 03/10/2025 19:20

Of all the things that did not happen, this did not happen the most.

Anyahyacinth · 03/10/2025 19:18

GooseAndSandals · 03/10/2025 17:58

Good one OP. You knew what you were doing and he’s just pointed that out.

This is the language of apologists for sexual assault, adult work colleagues just don’t do this..it’s highly inappropriate to review someone’s appearance as if it has anything to do with you as a colleague. Yuck

lizzyBennet08 · 03/10/2025 19:17

Can't believe you thought scrunch leggings were appropriate work wear even on casual Friday!!
am sure you looked amazing but to be fair it is going to raise eyebrows .

Libertysparkle · 03/10/2025 19:15

Balloonhearts · 03/10/2025 17:28

Do the bend and snap. Then you'll know 🤣

Where is the laugh emoji when you need it 😂😂😂😂😂😂

DorothyStorm · 03/10/2025 19:13

It sounds like you were in sports wear rather than office casual. But some of the reactions on here remind me of this comedians take on the reactions to Pippa Middleton.at the wales wedding… Who brings an arse to a wedding

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Kjcp2Ii4BdQ&t=16s&pp=2AEQkAIB

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?pp=2AEQkAIB&t=16s&v=Kjcp2Ii4BdQ

WeeGeeBored · 03/10/2025 19:13

AlanJohnsonsBeemer · 03/10/2025 17:18

This is what I read, sleazy but not bitchy

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Same here but people shouldn’t use work email to make lustful comments about colleagues.

However I think I would ignore it.

FamBae · 03/10/2025 19:13

Sure report to HR if you must, but be absolutly sure he was refering to you and don't be suprised if you get a raised eyebrow for wearing scrunch leggings to work.
Your comments re your colleagues size albeit on an anonymous forum, doesn't necessarily paint you in a good light either.

nomas · 03/10/2025 19:12

Bog standard scrunch leggings? Can you say oxymoron. 😂

GooseAndSandals · 03/10/2025 19:11

researchers3 · 03/10/2025 19:07

So if this guy was investigated and was found to be inappropriate on more than one occasion and was disciplined accordingly, that's on the OP right?

How about men just don't act like pigs in the workplace (or anywhere) and then they've got nothing to worry about?

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To be fair, the OP wore attention-seeking clothing and then pretended to be outraged at getting attention.

Moro93 · 03/10/2025 19:10

OP literally just posted this to seek validation and say ‘this is how good I look’. She was saying she was being treated like a ‘piece of meat’ and she had to warn other female colleagues, to slagging off her female colleagues and saying her husband never complains so she must look good. But you know, she never gave what she was wearing ‘much thought’…

latetothefisting · 03/10/2025 19:10

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 03/10/2025 17:22

Has no-one on here ever looked at a bloke and said to a friend “OMG he’s hot/lush/<insert term of choice>”? Not ever?

Honestly the way in which people get worked up about these things,

The fact that we now have messaging etc means that what you say can potentially be seen by the person you’ve said it about, but anyone who says they’ve never made a comment about someone they’ve found attractive is lying.

I think it's a bit different though. Firstly because it's not some random or an acquaintance, it's a colleague. It's pretty accepted that the workplace requires more formal and respectful interaction than in a pub or wherever, particularly with all the potential ramifications of colleagues at different levels, abuse of power, etc.

Secondly it's not just a ''X looks good' or even 'X looks hot,' which is a bit more dispassionate, and solely their opinion but suggesting OP 'knew what she was doing,' is suggesting she specifically chose her clothing to make herself look sexually attractive and turn people on. It's ascribing deliberate intent to OP which she might very well have NOT intended at all. It's not just about what they think but making her culpable, in their minds, for their reactions, which is why I think it tips over the line into inappropriate/a bit sleezy, where a simple ' wow X is looking good today!' wouldn't.

That's not to say I'd necessarily think it serious enough to take any action though, particularly without proof.

researchers3 · 03/10/2025 19:07

Pumpkinpoodles · 03/10/2025 17:52

So the guy is obviously sleazy so if you mention it to your boss and put in a grievance, chances are he’ll get sacked cause I bet there’s a load more inappropriate content about women in his chat logs. So think carefully…do you want him to lose his job?

If not, I’d drop in casually that you were disappointed to see that flag up and if you get wind of those sorts of comments again you’ll be raising it with your manager.

I always find it a huge disappointment to find out men make these remarks at work. They go down in my estimation.

So if this guy was investigated and was found to be inappropriate on more than one occasion and was disciplined accordingly, that's on the OP right?

How about men just don't act like pigs in the workplace (or anywhere) and then they've got nothing to worry about?

MatriarchCaz · 03/10/2025 19:07

PaellaPan · 03/10/2025 18:29

Now you sound like a bitch.

You wore clothes that accentuated your figure next to all your colleagues who you think are fatties compared to you, and are now acting faux surprised that it got the attention you clearly wanted. I think your male colleagues have got you bang to rights. You knew what you were doing.

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This

AmyDuPlantier · 03/10/2025 19:07

HelloGreen · 03/10/2025 17:18

I’d report it and ask that IT look at their message logs.

Really?? Would you though? Why?

You never said to any of your friends that you think a guy is hot or looks good in his suit or whatever?

The unrealistic overreactions on here are so stupid.

CameForAVacationStayedForTheRevolution · 03/10/2025 19:06

Naws · 03/10/2025 18:41

Yes and the OP is automatically taking it as a compliment 🙈

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In fairness I believe the sweat emoji in this context means he was thirsty (for the op)

Survivingnotthriving24 · 03/10/2025 19:06

You wore leggings designed to make your arse look good and are shocked a couple of your colleagues thought your arse looked good? Do you usually manifest unnecessary drama?

He slipped up, sent a message to you instead of a friend and quickly deleted. He'll be mortified and that's punishment enough in my opinion.

Leggings aren't typically appropriate for office casual dress for future reference.

Bringitonicancope · 03/10/2025 19:06

Catpiece · 03/10/2025 17:21

Take it as a compliment.

A compliment that her male colleagues are discussing her appearance, with sexual innuendo at the very least, behind her back?

TimeForTeaAndG · 03/10/2025 19:05

Are you single? Is he single and attractive?

Edit: aw I posted before I read all your posts. I see you have a DP.

missmollygreen · 03/10/2025 19:04

Im sure all of the outraged PPers have never turned to a friend in a bar or wherever and commented about an attractive man. Nope, never... nope nope nope

123ZYX · 03/10/2025 19:04

It doesn’t matter if the leggings were suitable or not - that’s up to OPs management to raise with her.

No one should be commenting on a colleague’s appearance, otherwise.

Miyagi99 · 03/10/2025 19:04

Woompund · 03/10/2025 19:03

Why do you think size 16 women don't wear leggings?!?!

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It’s because their massive arses look better with the scrunch than her’s does I imagine.

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