Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague sent me message by mistake

688 replies

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 17:15

Our team work remotely but we get together quarterly in person. Yesterday was a meeting in the office in the morning followed by a social so it was casual dress.

I was messaging a colleague earlier back and forth about work matters and he sent something really random and then instantly deleted it but I saw it pop up as a notification so read it.

It said ‘she knew what she was doing in those leggings’ with a sweat emoji.

Now I was the only one wearing leggings yesterday so it was definitely about me. This was at about 3.30 today and I finished at 4 so nothing more was said and I expect my colleague thinks he deleted it before I saw it.

Would you say something if you were me or pretend/forget I ever saw it?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 19:40

ClareBlue · 03/10/2025 19:35

There is of course another possible side. It wasn't a sexual comment whatsoever. It was a factual comment between work colleagues who were fed up of another colleague dressing inappropriately to attract attention because she has an attitude that she is the most attractive in the office and out shines all her frumpy fat female colleagues. Maybe the male colleagues are fed up with OPs attitude. Just a thought😁

Ew, what a horribly misogynistic thing to say about another woman. I truly can't imagine being as sad and bitter as you clearly are 😂 to be clear, they're never gonna pick you 👏

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 19:38

gorlomi · 03/10/2025 17:18

It's a compliment about her looking hot in the leggings.

it's a turn of phrase. Not sexist what so ever

Show quote history

It was extremely sexist and also sexual harassment, since he accidentally sent it directly to her - colleagues should not be talking about colleagues in that way, even in private. It's not appropriate

ClareBlue · 03/10/2025 19:35

There is of course another possible side. It wasn't a sexual comment whatsoever. It was a factual comment between work colleagues who were fed up of another colleague dressing inappropriately to attract attention because she has an attitude that she is the most attractive in the office and out shines all her frumpy fat female colleagues. Maybe the male colleagues are fed up with OPs attitude. Just a thought😁

IshebeingadickoramI · 03/10/2025 19:35

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 18:24

With respect to my colleagues, and I love most of the ladies dearly. But the average size is probably 16, so I don’t think leggings feature too prominently in their wardrobe!

Show quote history

I'm a size 16 and look hot as fuck in leggings....soooo what's your point?!

Anyahyacinth · 03/10/2025 19:34

Namechangerage · 03/10/2025 19:30

If you wore these to the office without a top covering the arse, that is so deeply inappropriate. He’s an arse too (pun intended) but if yours literally looked like this…. I see so many people wearing them like they’re baboons or something. Is it some kind of fetish for showing off their cracks? Because as a piece of clothing they are also so ugly and unimaginative.

That is irrelevant to a colleague ascribing a mindset to someone from what they are wearing…men show their naked cracks all the time I never think I can discuss their sexual availability with colleagues 🤦‍♀️

TheSuperfluousWoman · 03/10/2025 19:34

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 17:15

Our team work remotely but we get together quarterly in person. Yesterday was a meeting in the office in the morning followed by a social so it was casual dress.

I was messaging a colleague earlier back and forth about work matters and he sent something really random and then instantly deleted it but I saw it pop up as a notification so read it.

It said ‘she knew what she was doing in those leggings’ with a sweat emoji.

Now I was the only one wearing leggings yesterday so it was definitely about me. This was at about 3.30 today and I finished at 4 so nothing more was said and I expect my colleague thinks he deleted it before I saw it.

Would you say something if you were me or pretend/forget I ever saw it?

Is the name of that colleague Daniel Cleaver 😁?

gorlomi · 03/10/2025 19:33

Speckly · 03/10/2025 18:52

I’m astounded at how many people are going down the “well she was asking for it, wearing that” route! 😳 😡 It doesn’t matter what she chose to wear (I doubt it was unsuitable as I imagine OP knows what she can and can’t wear in her own workplace or she would presumably have been called in by her manager or HR) he shouldn’t be making mysogynistic comments, full stop!!!

As others have said OP, I’d message back:

“Unfortunately for you, you didn’t delete that message quickly enough. If I ever hear you speak about me or anyone else that way again, I will elevate it straight to HR.

'Elevate' 🤣🤣🤣

Scorchio84 · 03/10/2025 19:33

ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad · 03/10/2025 19:01

A whole fucking pod of them in fact

Show quote history

A shiver! It's one of my favourite collective nouns

Also I'm not being an arsehole I just hardly get to say it so I always try to if/when the opportunity arises 😁

Anyahyacinth · 03/10/2025 19:32

Joliefolie · 03/10/2025 19:23

Everyone has the right to wear whatever they want and not get assaulted either physically or verbally. No one has the right to expect others not to make private comments about your choice of attire (or lack thereof).

The comments weren’t private they were shared at work

oviraptor21 · 03/10/2025 19:31

I wonder if OP is telling this like it is her wearing the leggings but actually it was a colleague. I can't believe that they'd be so disingenuous otherwise.

Namechangerage · 03/10/2025 19:30

If you wore these to the office without a top covering the arse, that is so deeply inappropriate. He’s an arse too (pun intended) but if yours literally looked like this…. I see so many people wearing them like they’re baboons or something. Is it some kind of fetish for showing off their cracks? Because as a piece of clothing they are also so ugly and unimaginative.

Colleague sent me message by mistake
Joliefolie · 03/10/2025 19:30

NorthXNorthWest · 03/10/2025 19:28

In a professional work setting there should be standards.

Show quote history

I agree, as I'd already said. I am commenting on the idea that those saying the OP should adhere to those standards and not be surprised if there are comments made if she doesn't are using the language of sexual assault apologists.

GooseAndSandals · 03/10/2025 19:28

Anyahyacinth · 03/10/2025 19:18

This is the language of apologists for sexual assault, adult work colleagues just don’t do this..it’s highly inappropriate to review someone’s appearance as if it has anything to do with you as a colleague. Yuck

Show quote history

That’s a disgusting thing to say

Rustymoo · 03/10/2025 19:28

ClareBlue · 03/10/2025 19:23

You don't know it was definitely about you
He deleted it straight away
You've fat shamed your female colleagues
You've laughed at the throught of any other women in your office wearing leggings
You wore attention seeking clothes to work and are now outraged that someone might or might not have noticed
It sounds that the text saying you knew what you were doing, if it about you, is actually accurate. You wanted attention, you got it now you're all outraged. You knew exactly what you were doing.

100% spot on

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 03/10/2025 19:28

FarmGirl78 · 03/10/2025 18:59

Well OP didn't mention that, but if we're taking hypothetical they could hypothetically be dressing very inappropriately for work.

Show quote history

She did, she said they were scrunch leggings

NorthXNorthWest · 03/10/2025 19:28

Joliefolie · 03/10/2025 19:23

Everyone has the right to wear whatever they want and not get assaulted either physically or verbally. No one has the right to expect others not to make private comments about your choice of attire (or lack thereof).

In a professional work setting there should be standards.

NorthernGirl1975 · 03/10/2025 19:28

VikaOlson · 03/10/2025 18:03

"Looking for sculpting leggings that'll enhance your curves and turn heads? If so, Fabletics' scrunch bum leggings are your ultimate wardrobe essential! These butt-lifting leggings are designed to sculpt, lift, and contour your figure, giving you that coveted bubble bum effect."

I mean, you'd be a bit disappointed if no one noticed!

I wear those for the gym. I wouldn't go to work in them.

TheHillIsMine · 03/10/2025 19:27

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 18:24

With respect to my colleagues, and I love most of the ladies dearly. But the average size is probably 16, so I don’t think leggings feature too prominently in their wardrobe!

Show quote history

Miaow.

Your fake annoyance and what does that mean is clear to all.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 03/10/2025 19:26

Leggings (especially scrunch leggings) and a short top are not suitable in the workplace or for a work social.

Rustymoo · 03/10/2025 19:26

I asked my husband what he’d do if someone turned up at work in those leggings and a tight top. He said as a manager he’d have taken the individual aside and advised them that it was inappropriate workwear even on a casual basis

Beachtastic · 03/10/2025 19:26

Take it as a compliment that you weren't meant to see, and STFU 😁

Anyahyacinth · 03/10/2025 19:25

Mysticaldeer · 03/10/2025 17:59

Show me the man that would go to work dressed like that!

Show quote history

Men bend over and show nearly their whole arse quite regularly in work situations…perving over that would be a problem too

Joliefolie · 03/10/2025 19:23

Everyone has the right to wear whatever they want and not get assaulted either physically or verbally. No one has the right to expect others not to make private comments about your choice of attire (or lack thereof).

NorthXNorthWest · 03/10/2025 19:23

Anyahyacinth · 03/10/2025 19:18

This is the language of apologists for sexual assault, adult work colleagues just don’t do this..it’s highly inappropriate to review someone’s appearance as if it has anything to do with you as a colleague. Yuck

Show quote history

Its inappropriate all round.

ClareBlue · 03/10/2025 19:23

You don't know it was definitely about you
He deleted it straight away
You've fat shamed your female colleagues
You've laughed at the throught of any other women in your office wearing leggings
You wore attention seeking clothes to work and are now outraged that someone might or might not have noticed
It sounds that the text saying you knew what you were doing, if it about you, is actually accurate. You wanted attention, you got it now you're all outraged. You knew exactly what you were doing.

Swipe left for the next trending thread