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AIBU?

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Original poster

Colleague sent me message by mistake

688 replies

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 17:15

Our team work remotely but we get together quarterly in person. Yesterday was a meeting in the office in the morning followed by a social so it was casual dress.

I was messaging a colleague earlier back and forth about work matters and he sent something really random and then instantly deleted it but I saw it pop up as a notification so read it.

It said ‘she knew what she was doing in those leggings’ with a sweat emoji.

Now I was the only one wearing leggings yesterday so it was definitely about me. This was at about 3.30 today and I finished at 4 so nothing more was said and I expect my colleague thinks he deleted it before I saw it.

Would you say something if you were me or pretend/forget I ever saw it?

OP posts:
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8
thismummyslife · 03/10/2025 20:22

You don’t have a conclusive evidence that it was about you, so I would just ignore and move on.

Miyagi99 · 03/10/2025 20:22

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 20:17

This is all very entertaining I must say, I didn’t expect the replies to exceed page 1!

A couple of points:

-I don’t need my work colleagues to point out I have a nice arse. I know I do. An ex once said if he could choose how he’d leave this earth then he’d spend an afternoon buried underneath it..

-I work for a PR company, forward thinking, ran by strong women. They have no issue with casual office wear and the founder often wears similar leggings herself.

Good on you, my arse would kill and bury someone, that’s probably not what you meant 😂

gorlomi · 03/10/2025 20:21

Mapletree1985 · 03/10/2025 20:19

Completely ridiculous, you're right! Of course he wouldn't say the same thing about a man, unless he was bisexual or gay, in which case, he probably would. I wouldn't say the same thing about a woman. But I'd say it about a hot buff guy in the office for sure - with a female colleague I felt sure it was safe to talk to.

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No one is ever safe these days

LBFseBrom · 03/10/2025 20:21

I never knew casual dress meant leggings, not heard of people wearing them to work or attending meetings in them.

There's casual and very casual.

Not nice text though, they should have tried to ignore.

Miyagi99 · 03/10/2025 20:21

Bepo77 · 03/10/2025 20:15

How is it sexist for a man to fancy a woman and tell his mate? Have you never told a friend about a guy you fancy?!

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Women can be just as bad, gay or straight!

gorlomi · 03/10/2025 20:21

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 20:17

This is all very entertaining I must say, I didn’t expect the replies to exceed page 1!

A couple of points:

-I don’t need my work colleagues to point out I have a nice arse. I know I do. An ex once said if he could choose how he’d leave this earth then he’d spend an afternoon buried underneath it..

-I work for a PR company, forward thinking, ran by strong women. They have no issue with casual office wear and the founder often wears similar leggings herself.

Stopppppp op, you're embarrassing me

Mapletree1985 · 03/10/2025 20:20

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 20:17

This is all very entertaining I must say, I didn’t expect the replies to exceed page 1!

A couple of points:

-I don’t need my work colleagues to point out I have a nice arse. I know I do. An ex once said if he could choose how he’d leave this earth then he’d spend an afternoon buried underneath it..

-I work for a PR company, forward thinking, ran by strong women. They have no issue with casual office wear and the founder often wears similar leggings herself.

So, maybe they were talking about her?

Mapletree1985 · 03/10/2025 20:19

gorlomi · 03/10/2025 17:32

You're being ridiculous.

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Completely ridiculous, you're right! Of course he wouldn't say the same thing about a man, unless he was bisexual or gay, in which case, he probably would. I wouldn't say the same thing about a woman. But I'd say it about a hot buff guy in the office for sure - with a female colleague I felt sure it was safe to talk to.

DiscoBob · 03/10/2025 20:19

It means they thought you looked sexy I guess. Embarrassing for them. I might cheekily say something next time I saw him like 'glad you liked my leggings. It's a pity they wouldn't really suit you'. Otherwise I'd just leave it I think.

The message wasn't meant for you and he will definitely mortified. Unless he has form for sexism or perving in which case I might take it further.

11811B · 03/10/2025 20:18

VikaOlson · 03/10/2025 17:55

Scrunch leggings are the up the arse ones, aren't they?

I probably wouldn't have worn them to work!

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That'swhat I can't work out, what work do you do that means casual work wear = leggings

Rosscameasdoody · 03/10/2025 20:18

Bepo77 · 03/10/2025 20:15

How is it sexist for a man to fancy a woman and tell his mate? Have you never told a friend about a guy you fancy?!

Show quote history

Yep. Of course they have, and so have the posters commenting g that it’s sexist. So much hypocrisy here.

Original poster
Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 20:17

This is all very entertaining I must say, I didn’t expect the replies to exceed page 1!

A couple of points:

-I don’t need my work colleagues to point out I have a nice arse. I know I do. An ex once said if he could choose how he’d leave this earth then he’d spend an afternoon buried underneath it..

-I work for a PR company, forward thinking, ran by strong women. They have no issue with casual office wear and the founder often wears similar leggings herself.

OP posts:
EstherGreenwood63 · 03/10/2025 20:17

Ignore the Friday night incels. They get tingles from your attention. 😆

NetZeroZealot · 03/10/2025 20:16

I don’t think leggings are appropriate for any work event, casual dress code or not (unless it’s a corporate yoga retreat).

nutbrownhare15 · 03/10/2025 20:15

ginasevern · 03/10/2025 17:48

It's the "she knows what she's doing" bit that pretty much sums up misogyny. It was a common phrase amongst drooling middle aged, pot bellied blokes back in the 70's when I was a teenager in my first job. They'd say "you know just what you're doing", so putting the onous on me for existing (and presumably being nothing more than a slag) rather than them being gross and married fucking perverts.

This needs to be pinned on the thread. What that man said was completely.unacceptable and drips misogyny. It implies that OP was dressing to get male attention and in particular the attention of the men having that conversation. It's vile to think they would discuss their female colleagues appearance like that and makes you wonder what else they have said about other female colleagues.

Bepo77 · 03/10/2025 20:15

123ZYX · 03/10/2025 17:24

Of course it’s sexist - it’s objectifying her. He wouldn’t have said the same about a man.

And I agree with reporting it and expecting chat logs to be reviewed. It’s not acceptable and employers are required to take reasonable steps to prevent sexual harassment.

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How is it sexist for a man to fancy a woman and tell his mate? Have you never told a friend about a guy you fancy?!

Rosscameasdoody · 03/10/2025 20:15

LadyLapsang · 03/10/2025 20:13

Issues such as this are why clear written dress codes can be helpful in guiding people towards appropriate dressing for the workplace.

Read the OP.

Rosscameasdoody · 03/10/2025 20:14

BlazenWeights · 03/10/2025 20:00

Scrunch leggings are those leggings that go into the buttocks right? Where do you work that you can dress so inappropriately? A gym?

OP explained it was casual dress because there was a social after the meeting. And judging by some of the comments here if I were a man I’d be afraid to open my mouth in the company of any woman.

LadyLapsang · 03/10/2025 20:13

Issues such as this are why clear written dress codes can be helpful in guiding people towards appropriate dressing for the workplace.

Miyagi99 · 03/10/2025 20:13

What are Friday nights for if not this, I for one am loving this interaction.

Konstantine8364 · 03/10/2025 20:12

Personally I'd tell him you saw the message and that it's inappropriate and leave it at that. Then if he does anything again tell HR next time!

writingsonthewall · 03/10/2025 20:12

gorlomi · 03/10/2025 17:21

CALM DOWN!!

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lol, agree

FarmGirl78 · 03/10/2025 20:12

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 03/10/2025 19:28

She did, she said they were scrunch leggings

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🤣🤣 Well that'll teach me to read posts properly before I reply 🤣

sweetpickle2 · 03/10/2025 20:10

The OP, if real, is incredibly rude about her colleagues and doesn't come across very likeable. However there is no excuse for objectifying women in the workplace, no matter what they're wearing. Both things can be true!

DIYagainstMould · 03/10/2025 20:09

He ( it is a he?) is testing you did you know that you were sexy in leggins