Page 13 | Colleague sent me message by mistake

Islandhopper10 · 2025-10-03T16:15:05+00:00

Our team work remotely but we get together quarterly in person. Yesterday was a meeting in the office in the morning followed by a social so it was casual dress. I was messaging a colleague earlier back and forth about work matters and he sent something really random and then instantly deleted it but I saw it pop up as a notification so read it. It said ‘she knew what she was doing in those leggings’ with a sweat emoji. Now I was the only one wearing leggings yesterday so it was definitely about me. This was at about 3.30 today and I finished at 4 so nothing more was said and I expect my colleague thinks he deleted it before I saw it. Would you say something if you were me or pretend/forget I ever saw it?

BustyLaRoux · 03/10/2025 21:50

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:41

Then they can advert their gaze. Other people's opinions of her body aren't her problem. People need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves and stop making comments about other people's bodies

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Speaking of keeping opinions to themselves….

Is no one to have an opinion on anything any more? You seem mighty opinionated. Is it just the physical aspects of another that someone shouldn’t have an opinion about? What about the non physical aspects of a person? Can we have opinions about those? Can we have an opinion, say, on a person’s intentions or perceived intentions? On their choices? On their values? Or should we refrain from comment on another full stop?

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:49

FuckKnowsMatee · 03/10/2025 21:12

So is OP guilty of sexual harassment now considering her comments about her size 16 larger lady colleagues?

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It wasn't sexual in tone, so not sexual harassment, but definitely an inappropriate comment to make about colleagues - yes. And if one of them saw this, they would be within their right to speak with HR about it. This wasn't the clever comment you thought it was. I don't know what you're all finding so challenging - this is basic stuff. We don't live in the TV show Mad Men - you can't talk about colleagues bodies/appearance. Full stop. This isn't difficult to comprehend

gorlomi · 03/10/2025 21:48

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:43

"No one is safe these days" the classic chant of the bigot that wants to never suffer consequences for their inappropriate actions and words

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They'll come for you too one day.

Vitriolinsanity · 03/10/2025 21:47

I’m a little disappointed you work in PR, I was hoping you’d say Goldman Sachs or Deloitte. If you were minded to, he could be in hot water for that remark. The reality seems to be that you rather enjoyed it.

DonnyBurrito · 03/10/2025 21:45

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:38

What's tired is your outdated idea that sexual harassment on the workplace is a totally cool and casual thing to do. This isn't the 1950s. Maybe you should try growing up and learning to act in an appropriate way at work, if you don't want people talking to you like you're a horny teenager that needs things dumbing down

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Oh yeah I DEFINITELY said that, and you are so within your rights to say anyone who doesn't think accidentally messaging something NOT INTENDED TO HARASS AT ALL (because it was meant for someone else) is a crime, are horny and stupid teenagers who just need you to help them understand the adult world 🥹

OpheliaNightingale · 03/10/2025 21:45

@Islandhopper10 is there a possibility that he intended for you to see? An accidental on purpose kind of thing?

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:43

gorlomi · 03/10/2025 20:21

No one is ever safe these days

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"No one is safe these days" the classic chant of the bigot that wants to never suffer consequences for their inappropriate actions and words

Ophy83 · 03/10/2025 21:43

No idea why the numbering automated to 1s there rather than 1, 2, 3!

Ophy83 · 03/10/2025 21:42

Scrunch leggings, according to Google, are "designed to accentuate the shape of the booty", so

He was not wrong in what he wrote, but

There is no way he sent that message to you "accidentally"

Do with it what you will.

Spookyspaghetti · 03/10/2025 21:42

Balloonhearts · 03/10/2025 17:28

Do the bend and snap. Then you'll know 🤣

That made me chortle 😂

newnamehereonceagain · 03/10/2025 21:42

This is all just made up, isn’t it?

Free entertainment though!

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:41

Milosc · 03/10/2025 20:49

Scrunch bum leggings are not flattering for anyone. I am a pilates instructor in the evenings and wouldn't wear those to that job let alone my day job casual or not. BTW, that comment is just bitchy in general. Not everyone wants to see your ass 🙄

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Then they can advert their gaze. Other people's opinions of her body aren't her problem. People need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves and stop making comments about other people's bodies

ArtichokesBloom · 03/10/2025 21:41

So he should be disciplined for a comment about your looks, because you were wearing clothes whhich show every single little bit of you. But you're comfortable talking about the size of your coworkers and how they'd look in leggings?

Rich

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:40

limescale · 03/10/2025 20:48

I think your colleague was right then - you surely know that scrunch bum leggings draw the eye of anyone behind you to your bum.

I know we are all told that we can wear what we like and that it's all on the person following you up the stairs to avert their eyes and not have a single thought about the fact every natural wobble is visible.

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That doesn't give him the right to comment on it. Seriously, what is wrong with you? It is no one else's issue but YOURS, if someone makes you horny. Literally just keep it to yourself, it isn't difficult

BustyLaRoux · 03/10/2025 21:39

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:33

OP has the right to wear whatever she wants, without having sexual comments made about her. Your assumption that any woman dresses for the benefit of men is just fucking gross and misogynistic and you need to just stop. It's embarrassing

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I didn’t say she hadn’t got the right to wear those clothes. Knock yourself out. Wear it. I don’t care.
But to take offence at the same time as saying “I have a great arse and men comment about wanting to die under it”….

Really??

GooseAndSandals · 03/10/2025 21:38

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:35

Again, truly amazing how many people think that casual sexual harassment and inappropriate sexual comments are just a normal thing. Absolutely baffling. Stop making inappropriate comments on your colleague's appearance. Full stop. I really don't know why this is something you find so challenging

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Sexual harassment, my arse!

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:38

DonnyBurrito · 03/10/2025 21:10

"Hope this helped" the only thing I hope is that people would stop using this pathetically condescending sign off 🤢 it's very tired, now.

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What's tired is your outdated idea that sexual harassment on the workplace is a totally cool and casual thing to do. This isn't the 1950s. Maybe you should try growing up and learning to act in an appropriate way at work, if you don't want people talking to you like you're a horny teenager that needs things dumbing down

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:37

Katherina198819 · 03/10/2025 21:20

Hahaha. That company needs to update their robots — simply having an eye and talking to a friend isn't going to make you a predator.

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It's still considered inappropriate behaviour to comment on your colleague's appearance, especially in a sexual way, and is absolutely something HR would want to hear about. I seriously don't know what is wrong with you all. This is very basic stuff

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:35

BrokenWingsCantFly · 03/10/2025 21:18

Do you not form any friendships with your colleagues? In every single office, or other workplace I have worked, colleagues become like friends and the communication is as such. I have heard far more of these types of comments from women about men (probably because the men talk to the other men and not us women). It is natural to feel an attraction to the sex we are attracted to. It is also normal to offload those thoughts sometimes as a 1 off throwaway comment.
If this guy was repeatedly making comments like this about OP, or if the message was directed to her as in "you knew what you was doing wearing those leggins", then I would be all on board with report the creepy sleaze as that would be harassment.
He made a stupid mistake of sending it to OP instead of his colleague which is no doubt someone he has a friendship with so talks to in the same way he would a friend.
There has been happily married women in work witb me who have expressed attraction to a new male colleague or if a male college come in showing his muscular arms for example in summer that they had not noticed before. They comment. Nothing is ever further said. 1 off fly away comment. No harassment. The guy is unaffected and unaware. Some times I find it cringe, but no harm is done and it is not a repeated comment

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Again, truly amazing how many people think that casual sexual harassment and inappropriate sexual comments are just a normal thing. Absolutely baffling. Stop making inappropriate comments on your colleague's appearance. Full stop. I really don't know why this is something you find so challenging

24karatPalamino · 03/10/2025 21:35

Op, I am currently a UK size 8 to 10, with a lovely defined waistline.

And I would not wear those scrunch leggings, even if they were the last thing on earth. I’m not old either. I have long dark hair and tanned skin. I’m a beaut and very happy with how I look. But those leggings are so trashy, seriously. They are cheap looking and indecent.

Now I realise your partner likes them. That might be because he gets to see your arse crack and flaps in them. But this isn’t nice for everyone.

Pervert men will also notice. They don’t think you’re beautiful or desirable in a holistic and complimentary way, it’s again just sexual (hence the sweat emoji).

But is that who you want to attract? It never was for me, but then I’ve never set out to try and impress anyone but myself.

Equally though, I think this thread is either desperate or bollocks. Mainly because every six months or so we get a ‘I’m attracting all this unwanted attention in my everyday, big standard scrunch arse leggings - is it because I’m just so desirable and the men at work (your husbands) can’t handle me’ threads.

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:33

BustyLaRoux · 03/10/2025 21:22

Hmmmm…. So you wear “bog standard” scrunch bum leggings to work (very questionably appropriate for work wear!!!!) and a tight fit shirt. You also confirm you think you have a lovely bum (No complaint from me there. Enjoy your assets. Dress how you want and accentuate what you want) and that men have commented previously on how they’d like to buried under it (so you obviously do enjoy very much male appreciation). Then you come on here acting as if you’re offended..? Come on! You wore the leggings to get male attention and then had a faux flounce when you caught a man looking/commenting. Your “complaint” seems disingenuous at best. I think whichever PP declared humble bragging was right. I suspect you were probably delighted as it confirmed men were appreciating your assets. Just as you intended.

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OP has the right to wear whatever she wants, without having sexual comments made about her. Your assumption that any woman dresses for the benefit of men is just fucking gross and misogynistic and you need to just stop. It's embarrassing

RandomUserName96 · 03/10/2025 21:32

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 20:40

Of course not. My point was that they are hardly the most flattering item of clothing for the larger lady.

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What an absolute delight you are 🙄

Since when was a 16 a 'larger lady'?

Or are you just being deliberately goady?

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:32

Winter42 · 03/10/2025 21:24

There is a difference between dressing nicely and dressing to deliberately sexualise yourself. Particularly if you are going to then complain about being sexualised.

If you read my previous comment, I also said the colleague should not be making those comments in the workplace. But the workplace isn't really the place to have your arsecrack on display. Both the OP and her colleague are acting professionally in my opinion.

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OP has a right to wear whatever clothing she wants, without being sexualised for it. She could have gone into work wearing a bikini and it still wouldn't be okay for her colleague to make sexual comments about her. Not sure which part of that you're finding confusing

Frequentlyincorrectbut · 03/10/2025 21:30

Scrunch leggings are definitely worn to accentuate the bum! If worn with a tight or cropped top, they make it hard not to look, whether you find them sexy or not. Your colleague noticed, no massive issue here IMO unless you want to make one.

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:30

Katherina198819 · 03/10/2025 21:07

Casual discussion isn’t the same as behavior meant to harass. They were talking to each other, not to her, and the message was sent by mistake. You’ve never privately commented on your colleague to a friend, family member, or coworker??? Give me a break!

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In the eyes of HR, yes it is. I would suggest you stop making inappropriate sexual comments about your colleagues 👍