Seeing people with my baby boy without my partner

I agree that what’s best for the baby is the most important thing. But I firmly disagree that a dad taking a 9 month old out for a couple of hours to see his parents is not in the baby’s best interests (assuming the dad and grandparents are all responsible people with whom the baby will be safe and well cared for)

Do you mean for a few hours or overnight stays with friends and family. Is she breast feeding?

You are your son's Dad, and therefore are as much as a parent as your partner is. Do you look after your son on your own? Or will your partner not allow you to do this?! Taking your child to visit family/friends, with you being there to supervise is vastly different from dropping him off and leaving him with family/friends, to look after. I would be concerned that your partner may be over anxious, and that could possibly be a sign of post-natal depression. Do you look after your son, whilst your partner is in the house? Feeding, nappy changing, settling etc. Are you able to do this without her being there in the background, or do you feel you're being 'supervised'? Do you feel that she doesn't trust you to look after your son? I think you need a calm and gentle conversation with her, because her feelings, although valid, are not normal. There's no reason why you can't look after your own son or take him out without her, regardless if you're visiting someone or not.

What’s her reason?

The kids of us working mothers are fucked then, eh?

Sounds very controlling.

Does she mean she doesn’t want you to leave her behind?

Or does she mean if she’s already gone out somewhere and left you in charge she doesn’t want you to go anywhere?

Because they aren't the same thing

As far as your “rights” are concerned, what’s important are what’s best for the baby.

A 9 months old, having their Mum nearby as much as possible is best for baby.

Unless she's still breastfeeding or has some significant mental health issues, or there's more to this story in terms of how reliable you are as a carer, this is a ridiculous attitude.

I do understand it - we have a lot of hormones post birth - but in my opinion, a mother who refuses to allow the father (assuming he's competent etc) to look after the chld alone or who doesn't trust the father to be with the baby alone, is setting herself up for a life of disappointment. I personally do not understand why you would have a baby with a man you don't feel can look after your child.

is it just that she doesn't want to be away from teh baby? Does she not trust you? Does she not trust your family?

For the record, I went back to work when DS was 7 months and DH was the primary carer.

Has she given a reason other than it’s nothing personal? Is she usually over protective?

Well are you good at looking after him? Does she have any reason to think you would forget to change/feed/comfort the child?
is there something about your relatives she might be concerned about - smoking, dogs, that kind of thing?

Do you mean visit family with him or leave him with family.
Very different things.

What is she worried about exactly?

Do you care for him ‘unsupervised’ at all?

Either way, she is being unreasonable.

Just say you'll be taking baby here or there, get him completely ready with all he needs and head out. You don't need her permission and you've set things up in a way that has made that the status quo.

It’s not really about rights. It’s about working out something you are both comfortable with. Point out that you aren't going to leave him unsupervised either? You, a parent, will be there. It seems a bit OTT on the face of it, but you need to talk about it and work it out. Post pregnancy hormones continue to affect emotions for quite some time after birth, so bear that in mind too.

Do you look after him competently and alone regularly? If so, i think this is strange.