Seeing people with my baby boy without my partner

OP, why is your wife so worried? Do you know? What does your family do that frightens her? Is she worried about germs or infection? Does she see you give way to your mother who then does something your wife does not agree with? Do they smoke? Do they have animals? Is their house safe and clean? Remember, her every instinct is to protect her child.

I had the same view, but because my ex-ILs kept trying to feed my 9 month old Pepsi and crisps and other rubbish. They ignored the need for a car seat, they took no heed of basic safety. In the end I took ds and left.

But if you are a normal careful, loving dad, there's no reason why you shouldn't.

How far away are they? How long will it take? And make sure you are back when you say you will be back. You have to build her trust so she stops worrying.

Why only an hour?

Is this your choice or does she stop you doing it for longer?

You look after him for a whole hour or so? Doesn’t she trust you?

Why is it then?

Unless you’re incompetent or the baby is BF frequently, it seems weird and controlling. I was back at work when both mine were that age so their dad looked after them 2 days a week and basically took them wherever and to see whoever he wanted.

Would she be happy to go and visit your family all together?

Or is she saying that she doesn't want to go and she doesn't want you to take the baby without her either?

Adults don't get to 'let' other adults do things though.

Maybe she has never let him

Why have you not parented for longer than an hour or so at a time?

You've not had the baby for an evening so she can go out, or a Saturday afternoon so she can get her hair done, or go to a class or something?

An hour or so is a tiny amount of time. Prove you can do it for longer

You’re not being unreasonable but at 9 months you can be very anxious about your child still. You’ve carried them for 9 months and it takes a while to feel confident enough to let go and let someone else (even the father) take responsibility. I’d give her a bit more time and hopefully once baby is a bit more robust, she’ll feel more confident.

We were the exact same. We did shared PL and my DH loved it, as did our child.

That’s ridiculous. Having a someone who loves and cares for them is best, but no reason it has to be the Mum. I went back to work at 9 months and my DH then took 3 months paternity leave with out DS. Wonderful for their relationship and means I have a DH who actually knew from very early how to solo parent his own child, which seems bizarrely rare on Mumsnet.

This is just unacceptable controlling behaviour that they need to seek help for. It’s quite different being uncomfortable leaving your child with someone to the other parent taking them out and seeing people

Is this a reverse to the thread last week from the woman who didn’t want her partner to take her 9 month old to visit his parents alone. Have you posted it in the hope people will say it’s perfectly reasonable for him not to have the baby alone. The answer is, yes it’s fine for you to take your baby to your mums

YANBU but if she doesn't mind you taking him here there and everywhere by yourself as a general rule then it is obviously other people that she doesn't trust.

Does she have specific boundaries with regards to your child that she doesn't think you will enforce without her there? Does she think your family will take over childcare when she isn't there and do something that she disapproves of? Has she got a valid reason to be concerned?

If she can't be honest with you about what the problem actually is, or if she won't admit what it is because it is obviously OTT, then I'd be putting my foot down and doing it anyway to be honest!

there’s something she’s not happy about. Eg she doesn’t trust you to supervise properly when you’re distracted or she doesn’t like a certain relative. Is she breast feeding? 9 months is young and mother will be full of protective instincts. I think it’s unreasonable to try get validation from strangers when you should be addressing what she’s unhappy with

Is she breast feeding?

Do you mean to take your child for a few hours or overnight stays?

What does going to see your family involve? Are they local? On the other side of the world? Is there a reason she’s not coming with you? There’s an absence of context around the question making it impossible to answer.

Stop pandering to her. Tell her what you are going to be doing rather than creep round her. Your son is YOUR child too and she sounds really controlling.
Time for her to get back to work by the sound of it.

Sounds like her mental health is rock bottom and needs help.

Is there a backstory to this?

If you are normally a competent hands on parent then she shouldn't be dictating where you can and can't take your child. And she should be able to take the child where she wants .

If you are a 'Disney type parent' and not around to put in the full effort that goes into parenting, then I'd have reservations about it too.

For an hour or for a week? Your post could be read in both ways. Do you want to take him hundreds of miles away/ overseas? Or just half an hour's drive away?

If it's an overnight or more - have you looked after him alone for long periods nearer home? Would you be okay with her taking him the same distance away without you?

Also - if it's not just for an hour or so - why do you specifically not want her to go too?