Seeing people with my baby boy without my partner

Might help the situation if his wife explained her reasons otherwise we're all just guessing.

Just because you hear a snippet of someone’s life doesn’t mean you can extrapolate into an entirely different situation. For all you know he’s totally oblivious to the child’s needs and his relatives have pinballs and smoke like chimneys.

But not one who's managed 9 months with a maximum of having his baby alone for only an hour at a time.

Just because this is mn doesn't mean all women are brilliant parents and all men are shit. Some do know what they're about.

Or he can’t be arsed to learn how to look after a baby or do even a fraction of the work

Chicken and egg though, which comes first - she doesn't want him to mind the baby or she doesn't have confidence that he can mind the baby.

If this is true I imagine she doesn't let him. She needs medical help, it's not normal to be that Controlling. There's anxiety and then there's bonkers.

Why do you only care for your own child for an hour a day??? There are 168 hours in a week.

Tell her who she isn’t allowed to see and what she isn’t allowed to do without you there and see how that goes down.

She’s probably just being anxious, but if she parents through anxiety then your child will end up a nervous wreck. She needs to see how ridiculous she is being.

Give her more time, she'll get less anxious with time and as baby grows ❤️

Sounds odd, and controlling. Are you talking about visit for the afternoon vs a trip abroad for a week?

Especially at 9 months (could understand as a breastfed newborn), although even at 2 days old my DH took DS (between feeds) to meet his grandma whilst I slept.

Sounds like mom doesn’t want to miss first- first words, first foods, first steps, first visit to the zoo, things like that. She also may not trust people to care for him in the way that she prefers, e.g., give baby unapproved foods. Have a talk.

She could be very anxtious and dealing with internal mental health issues. It took me about 9 months to finally admit to anyone what I was thinking and that how I was thinking wasnt normal. I had PND. Not saying your wife has this but being over anxtious could mean something is manifesting. Support her and try and find a way to help her work through it.

She’s nuts.

and if you were a woman posting about a man everyone would be encouraging you to LTB and seek help from
womens aid.

If this is true it's majorly controlling if her and potentially the beginning of abusive behaviour. Quite concerning.

It sounds like she could have postnatal anxiety.

I really struggled to leave my baby. I literally started with a 10 minute dog walk.

I was going back to work when she was 11 months old. From 9 months I started leaving her with my mum. An hour the first few times and gradually upped it. I have had severe postnatal depression and anxiety so this was a good compromise.

Precious firstborn?

In a relationship that is called compromises actually.

So yes, adults do get to healthily say no to something. The problem is that it is very unclear why she doesn’t want to.

For example if there was a big dog that they don’t want to put away when baby is here…I’d be on her side. If his mother absolutely tries to give babe some milk in a bottle when she breastfed…I’d be on her side. If she refuses to separate from baby for no reason at all, I’d be on his side.
But I doubt there is NO reason.

Ok op…

taking care of baby 1h in the morning is a bit different than taking said baby for a few hours.

What about you take care of him for longer periods? Does she refuse that too? Does she leave baby with no one else? That seems very extreme…
also what is her relationship with people you want to take baby to? How is their house? Living and circumstances?

I am assuming it is baby1. How is she feeling?her mental health? How was she before baby? Any complication at birth?during pregnancy? How is she getting anything done if baby is always with her?

Finding a compromise is key here…for example taking baby for that much time to go and see your parents when they want to BUT not taking care of baby for that much time when she needs to? No assumption, I am just trying to clarify what needs to come cleared up. If you do what is needed then she has some issue that comes from her and you need to figure out what it is…you can’t force it but a resolution is needed yes.

It sounds like there is trauma in there. Defo a backstory.

How far away are your friends / family?

That’s ridiculous. Having a someone who loves and cares for them is best, but no reason it has to be the Mum. I went back to work at 9 months and my DH then took 3 months paternity leave with out DS. Wonderful for their relationship and means I have a DH who actually knew from very early how to solo parent his own child, which seems bizarrely rare on Mumsnet.

Sounds fab. Wish there were more men like this.

I'm a solo mum - he's an adult now. Sadly his dad left soon after (6 months).
I did it though! Yea!

Yes, because she is screaming at the baby or otherwise displaying worrying behaviour and the best thing to do would be for the baby to have a change of scene and the mother to have time to reset. You know get the baby away from the adult who is unable to emotionally regulate for their own long term safety? At least temporarily? Good idea, no?

You advise men to take an inconsolable baby away from their mother while she is saying not to?

It can be very confusing for men when it comes to their children. Especially babies. They are told they arent allowed a say and must default to the mother or else they ruin the mother-infant dyad. Then they're meant to magically know when and how to step up when it is needed but only in the ways that mum says. Even if they don't work for him.

I've had to tell men that they have the right to remove their child from a situation they deem to be unsafe or unhealthy until someone in authority can make a more objective decision.

I have told new dads that they can put their baby in the buggy and out for a walk when they are inconsolable. Especially if they think that is best for everyone in the moment. They are allowed and it isnt kidnapping even if their partner says no.

These are extreme circumstances, but the men in many of them really didn't understand that they are legally and morally an equal parent. They have as much authority as mum.