It’s a tough one.
We have similar in my family. My mum is married and has two grown up ch (my brother and I, in our 30s). Her sister is single, always has been, no children. She’s early 50s.
Every Sunday my mum and grandma alternate between hosting Sunday dinner. It’s been this way since I was a child. It used to be me, mum, dad, brother, auntie and four grandparents. I only have one grandparent left now, my grandma. My brother and I don’t go every week any more (I live an hour away with my boyfriend, we have a new baby etc). So it’s a smaller affair now, used to be 9 of us religiously but now it’s my one grandma, mum, dad and auntie, and sometimes my brother, sometimes my boyfriend and I.
But anyway. My auntie has NEVER offered to host. She has a big house/space. She’s well off, very high up in her field. Has expensive hobbies etc etc so finances aren’t an issue.
My mum and grandma (who alternate hosting each week) are happy to do it, and they aren’t wildly bothered that my auntie never hosts, but it has been mentioned in private a few times. A mild irritant is that she doesn’t even bother/offer to bring anything. When my grandma hosts, my mum often takes desert or wine. When mum hosts, grandma always brings wine. Auntie never takes anything either. It wouldn’t hurt her to bring a bottle or even a shop bought crumble or trifle!
My mum sometimes grumbles to grandma about it, and grandma defends my auntie by saying “well she’s on her own, it’s a lot for her to host.” But my grandma is also on her own and manages just fine. Also my mum has my dad but to be fair, he does nothing to help. Mum does all the food shopping, food prep, and cooking.
Ive never hosted because, as previously mentioned we live an hour away and grandma wouldn’t do that round trip, she’s a home bird. But when my boyfriend and I do attend mums or grandmas, my boyfriend (who loves to cook) always takes his special roast potatoes, or I do some baking, and we always take wine.
Back to my auntie, I’m conflicted how I feel.
Half of me thinks- she could offer to host, ffs. Even if it was only every couple of months. Make an effort. She’s got more money than everyone else put together so she can afford it. She has the time, her weekends are very leisurely. It’s cheeky how she turns up every week without bringing an offering, just eating food other people have paid for and cooked. And at least if she really, really couldn’t bear to do that, she could bring a bloody bottle of wine or shop bought desert.
The other half of me thinks though, she obviously doesn’t want to host, so fair play that she doesn’t. My grandma is used to cooking for a family, as is my mum, whereas auntie has only ever had to look after herself, so cooking for a small group may seem daunting.