Single SIL never hosting

Because they are invited. Unless someone is turning up not having been invited then how is it rude? If you don't want to host people who don't reciprocate then don't invite them.

My brother and SIL have never hosted Christmas. Their house isn’t big enough to fit us all in. Doesn't make them or in any way unwelcome at ours.

No, OPs DH should be pulling his weight first, before questioning what others are or aren't doing. Once their own nuclear family unit are doing their fair share, it's up to MIL to talk to SIL if she wants extra help.

Those saying they aren’t prepared to host, why is it ok for you to be hosted by others? Very selfish imo.

Totally agree @xSideshowAuntSallyXx

And really, I think @Startrekobsessed needs to wind her neck in. Just because she likes a big family Christmas doesn’t mean she can impose it on all of her husband’s family.

Her SiL has to accept the OP because the OP is married to her brother. But the OP has no more rights to dictate how her husband’s family do Christmas.

If my SiL started talking about me as the OP is, or trying to tell me how my family should do Christmas, I’d be quite annoyed.

This is something your husband should be questioning, and if it bothers him, he needs to ask. Otherwise this is going to cause a rift if you are both at different view points on this. Maybe it is time to have the occasional Christmas just with your husband and kids.

As a single childless person I'm finding some of these comments patronising. Offering to contribute or bring dishes like a single person would need help. Just because someone is childless and single doesn't mean they are shit at cooking or skint or need help hosting!

The last thing I would want are people in my kitchen, or bringing a dish or 'contributing'. A bottle of wine is fine, puddings, starters, mince pies would be seen as an insult to my cooking (I'm the baker in the family, I can also cook). If I'm hosting I do the whole lot. I'm also quite capable of cooking and dealing with my guests at the same time. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I can't do what a coupled up person can do.

Also if my sister in law got my brother to ask me to host (not that she would or he would) it would not go down well. I'd also be mightily peed off if she was discussing it on the Internet and trying to find ways of forcing me to host.

I could easily be single SIL, I rarely host but am happy to help out, take dishes, wash up etc.
The truth is that I’m really, really bad at hosting because I get stressed very easily and just hate every minute of it.
Also, I would struggle to afford it on my salary.
I’d be mortified if I found out my family members were moaning about me on the internet and thinking about how they can make me do it.
The bottom line is that nobody “has” to host, if you don’t want to do it anymore then say so and start discussing alternatives like going out somewhere, having a quiet Christmas then meeting for a buffet on Boxing Day or going away to a nice cottage together where everybody pitches in.
please don’t try to make somebody who isn’t comfortable do it though…you’ll just all end up miserable.

The fair share for SIL, on an every other year basis, would be once every sixteen years...

Since she helps out at OPs house, I would also assume she helps out at MILs house too. I'd say she's doing at least her fair share, albeit by helping each year rather than hosting solo. The slackers here are OP, and particularly her DH, who aren't pulling their weight.

It’s not the word count that bothers me, it’s the formality of ‘hosting’. Bit Amanda from Motherland.

I have found since splitting from my H I have been expected to fit into other family member's plans now in a way I wasn't when I was part of a couple - almost like I no longer count as much.

Yes, it’s interesting to see how little single people count for, publicly and privately.

Except, of course, as a focus for blaming and projection.

This is all so true & well explained.

I have found since splitting from my H I have been expected to fit into other family member's plans now in a way I wasn't when I was part of a couple - almost like I no longer count as much.

Plus I had to point out to my sibling that splitting things 50/50 is more difficult when it's one salary Vs two salaries.

I stopped hosting Christmas when we split due to the cost but offered a buffet-type meal on a different day e.g Xmas Eve or Boxing Day as an alternative.

If I had no kids too I don't think I would be offering to host Christmas either, totally get where the SIL is coming from. Everything will revolve around the kids which would be potentially annoying & difficult to manage if you're not used to it/set up for it.

SiL would have to fully decorate her house (she might not do that) to make is special

That's true, I only decorate if we're having people for xmas dinner. I just can't be arsed putting them all up and taking them all down again tbh.

Fair enough. We don’t find it a problem

Oh god so everyone is popping in and out the kitchen to sort “their” bit of the meal? I’d absolutely hate that.

Also hosting encapsulates everything. That is involved in Christmas.

SiL would have to fully decorate her house (she might not do that) to make is special. Have kid friendly snacks, toys, games on hand. Cater to all the adults, drinks, nibbles. Have enough space to seat maybe eight plus at a dining table and enough space for everyone to relax and socialize during the rest of the day.

a big enough oven to cater a large meal, enough place settings etc for a large number of people. First time hosting could cost hundreds. I know my first time hosting Christmas for 15 people cost well over a grand!

on top of food and drink and decorations I had to buy cutlery, a second dinner set, some folding chairs! I had to get the house deep cleaned because someone was allergic to cats. My parents stay so I needed new bedding etc. my sisters house was set up this, mine wasn’t.

it’s much easier now case I have gathered the stuff like gravy boards and carving knives and loads of serving dishes and table clothes and napkins

Yes who is worrying about their vitamin intake on Christmas Day?!

Why not gently ask your DH to speak with her and ask if she’d mind hosting on some years? Offer to take a dish or contribute. If you alternate between your parents and his then her turn need only fall every 3-4-5 years.

Are you up for being away from your own home though? Are your DC?

If she can’t afford it or is a nervous cook or just doesn’t want to, then you just need to decide if you want to keep hosting DH’s wider family.

I’d maybe start asking them all to bring wine, pudding, the starter or canapés etc though, just to make it fairer if that bothers you.

So only the women then? You said your DH is rubbish at doing a roast so that falls on you. He entertains the kids. Who organises/plans the day? Is that you and is DH not good at that either? Maybe your DSIL is also rubbish at doing a roast so maybe she can get a free pass too. Haven’t been in her house for 5 years? So? What did you deduce from that? Of course it’s not ‘set up for safety’ nor will your kids have the toys and games they have at home. You sound very resentful and likely knackered and I have sympathy. But I think it is misdirected. Best wishes

You think the word “host” is an Americanism?!

It takes you more words to make explain the concept of hosting then when you could just use the word hosting.

Agree. I quite like a busy kitchen on Christmas Day tbh!

That may be so but would it actually matter that much for one day or even two? There will still be plenty of vitamins around the rest of the year

This, for some reason gave me a real belly laugh. It's so true and pure common sense.

I’m single and although I don’t live alone (my dad lives with me) there is no way that my house is set up for young kids. It would be stressful for everyone if a young family came here and, as it’s just me, the load is much greater for prepping etc compared to a couple. I have a highly stressful job and an elderly parent, plus a dog, so no chance would I host a big family Christmas. Even on a high ish salary it works out really expensive for one person to cover on their own. Just not happening.

I think, OP, if you’d like her to have a go at it, why not just ask her if she’d be willing to host this year? I don’t think it’s an unreasonable suggestion.

Well obviously in the real world nobody would calculate it like that.

However, when you're dealing with a CF like the OP who thinks that her family of 5 should contribute the same as a single person, then using numbers is a good way of demonstrating how entitled she's being.

OPs part of the family already aren't pulling their weight and poor MIL is picking up their slack, and she has the audacity to be pointing the finger at her SIL!