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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not attend conference last minute?

37 replies

Avocando · 03/10/2025 07:20

I’ve written a paper which was accepted to a conference. It is in two weeks. I am expected to pay to attend (I know it’s weird I’ve had this conversation but it’s what we do for some reason) and because of the expense many people have chosen not to go. It is too expensive for me. There is a fund we can apply to but it’s really hard to get money from them and I was rejected, so MONTHS ago I said I wasn’t going.

This week a senior colleague realised this was the case and because they were relying on me to talk about the paper they have offered to pay for me out of the department budget.

I have two issues here:

1 - I have applied for another job and if I get it I will essentially have accepted money from the department to just hand in my notice, which I don’t want to do.

2 - the bigger one - I am in the middle of my fertility treatment protocol, with scheduled appointments clashing with the dates of this conference (which is over four days)

I don’t want to tell colleagues about either of these, but I’m struggling to come up with a decent excuse! I am really being pressured to accept. It would be a big deal for me re: networking and presenting my work but.. it’s not my priority at the moment.

Make an excuse or pull a colleague to the side and explain? Good excuses welcome

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 03/10/2025 07:37

Can you attend part of the conference to present your work and still attend your medical appointments? I know it’s not your priority at the moment, but you’re in the process of changing jobs and, Honestky, you don’t know how long it might take for you to conceive. You may benefit from the public profile in your new role and you may end up working there for a good while despite TTC.

Original poster
Avocando · 03/10/2025 07:35

minuette1 · 03/10/2025 07:27

‘Sorry I have medical appointments booked that can’t be rescheduled’ I’m surprised you didn’t just say this straightaway - the fact that you have stalled telling them why you can’t go will now look like you are making it up though! Also surprised that you are job hunting and undergoing fertility treatment in that you should keep your life as stress free as possible when undergoing fertility treatment. Good luck with it all!

Job hunting in the same company to be fair but would move buildings

and I’m trying not to put my life on hold for something that might not work out but it’s so hard! Some people saying similar to you, some say keep your life as normal as you can

makes me feel crazy 🤣

OP posts:
Waterbaby41 · 03/10/2025 07:32

A prospective employer may wonder why you did not present at the conference if you are applying within the same arena of work.

Antimimisti · 03/10/2025 07:30

Is your attendance at this conference something that would look really good if mentioned in your ongoing job application process?

Original poster
Avocando · 03/10/2025 07:30

I do want to go but I don’t really want to interrupt the protocol when I’ve already started drugs etc - it would be a waste of time and money.

they will 10000 percent probe

I guess I am overthinking because I really wanted to go but wish they had offered to do this months ago

OP posts:
HelpMeGetThrough · 03/10/2025 07:28

What has already been posted, it’s no harder than saying you won’t be going, as you have medical appointments scheduled, end of conversation.

minuette1 · 03/10/2025 07:27

‘Sorry I have medical appointments booked that can’t be rescheduled’ I’m surprised you didn’t just say this straightaway - the fact that you have stalled telling them why you can’t go will now look like you are making it up though! Also surprised that you are job hunting and undergoing fertility treatment in that you should keep your life as stress free as possible when undergoing fertility treatment. Good luck with it all!

PearTreeBoat · 03/10/2025 07:26

Reason 1 isn’t an issue as you would be accepting and attending whilst employed by them so irrelevant if you then hand your notice in the following week.

reason 2 is your conundrum. If you want to go (ignoring reason 1) could you make alternative arrangements for your appointments/treatment?

if not or if you just don’t want to go then I’d just tell them you have a couple of medical appointments that can’t be rearranged but I wouldn’t tell them what they are. If you feel they may probe just tell them you now have commitments outside of work that you cannot cancel.

Almost2026 · 03/10/2025 07:26

Agix · 03/10/2025 07:22

"Sorry, I have some important medical appointments I have to attend during that time".

Yes this is surely exactly what you need to say (and probably should have already when it was mentioned).

Original poster
Avocando · 03/10/2025 07:23

Also I said last minute in the title just because I feel like this is last minute for them to offer… so like last minute arrangements.

just realised it sounds like I was going and am pulling out last minute which is not the case - apologies if it read like that

OP posts:
Agix · 03/10/2025 07:22

"Sorry, I have some important medical appointments I have to attend during that time".

Original poster
Avocando · 03/10/2025 07:22

Deadline of Monday to let them know

OP posts:
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