Why do you allow your teen on Snapchat?

Yes, she is seeing some very distressing images about Gaza on Snapchat. She sees them on the news too. And elsewhere online.

She is deeply affected by this situation and I can’t protect her from that. I don’t believe in censoring what she sees. But we talk about it most evenings and talk through her feelings. If she were not getting her news content from Snapchat, it would be somewhere else. She is highly politically motivated. The key is just to regularly communicate, not to start banning news sources and censorship.

Banning Snapchat wouldn’t change how politically motivated my 16 year old is. It is innate in her.

It actually literally does. There are all sorts of things that are banned for everyone. Some things have age restrictions because kids are not competent to decide for themselves, e.g. smoking.

You won't be popular but personally I think you're doing the right thing not letting him have it.

If your DD is getting Gaza content she may well be seeing people literally dying on-screen. I can't believe you think that's ok.

Yes, there is a lot of tech in the world but these things are completely untested on young people. As an adult I don't have TikTok, for example, because I went on there, became hooked, saw horrible things and decided it wasn't good for me. A child/teen just doesn't have the maturity to reflect and look after themselves in this way. To be honest plenty of adults are addicted, as the platforms intend them to be.

Banning things doesn’t safeguard teenagers. Especially when they don’t agree with the ban and think it’s unfair. They are more likely to do it behind your back and keep secrets from you. Effective safeguarding is centred around trust and open communication.

I think most parents allow their kids on it because they don't want them to be left out and they haven't thought that deeply about the negative consequences/hope it won't happen.

Mine aren't allowed smartphones until 14 and no snapchat until they're adults and can decide for themselves. They are left out of the 'cool' groups but have plenty of friends. Increasingly, parents are wising up to this stuff.

The whole argument about learning to regulate makes no sense to me. You don't have to ever have snapchat. It's not essential for life. Plenty of people don't have it.

Im really surprised how pro Snapchat everyone is.

Its causes endless safeguarding issues at the secondary i work at.

I held out until the end of year 10 but they were genuinely being left out of stuff by my insisting on WhatsApp and that was impacting their mental health. We have had no issues since being on it and they're well aware of the potential issues and fall outs from others at school

Both my teens have Snap, it’s how they communicate with all their friends, no one uses WhatsApp anymore.

The feed is an algorithm so will be based on their interests. My DS’s is filled with gaming stuff and silly pranks, my DD’s politics and Gaza.

I don’t really understand the over the top restrictions some people put on their teens. We need to let them live in this world which is now highly tech focused. Keep the home balanced with regular tech-free meal times, plenty of face-to-face interactions, conversations and healthy debates about the world during family time but otherwise let them find their way and communicate with their peers however they like, I say.

(a girl dancing in a bikini is not soft porn).

My kids don’t get the soft core porn because the algorithms show what they think you’re interested in or it will be what is trending now sort of thing.

Teens like Snapchat because messages disappear (parents can’t check your messages) and you’re told if the other person has screenshot your post. It’s a good way to bully, sext or communicate about illegal things because most people aren’t quick enough to use tricks like another device to record your posts for “receipts”

I look at my son and daughters (twins) snapchat all the time, never seen any content like this! On their FYPs she gets shown dance routines and make up tutorials (both of which she is totally incapable of replicating, to her great distress 🤣) and he watches the Worlds Greatest Goals Everrrrr and someone doing something MINDBLOWING on Minecraft.

None of it’s interesting to me but they enjoy it, they rarely look at the FYP though, snap is for messaging and probably 90% of their communication with friends is via the app. They do have friends who don’t have Snapchat and I make sure to frequently mention to them to ensure those friends are invited to events etc, and kept in the loop with conversations via WhatsApp, but it doesn’t always happen.

I came from a home where my mum was extremely anxious and we weren’t allowed loads of the things that all my friends had and it still feels painful to me to this day. I’ve probably gone the other way to make sure that my kids are doing everything that their friends are doing, but honestly, it’s important. Being left out or thought of as a bit weird at 15 is the absolute worst.

Do you also ban music videos OP?

DD got it in year 10 at a new school because that was how they communicate - no one was using WhatsApp as they did in her previous school (where I didn’t allow it). As it was a new school I didn’t want to put barriers in the way of her making friends. She was 14/15. (She wasn’t allowed WhatsApp till she was 13, so texted prior to that.)
A year later and it doesn’t seem to have caused any problems, touch wood.
She’s still not allowed TikTok.

DD1 had it since 14 as that how her friendship group has chosen to communicate - there were apparently others apps they wnated but other parents veto - not sure why.

Not seen anything like that on her's and there's been no issues. They use it now to keep in touch now they've all gone elsewhere post 16.

Mine both use it a lot, my 17 year old has had it for years I think. I had never even heard of Snapchat until after they had got it and I didn't even know what it was at the time. To be honest, I don't know how you would really know what they are doing on a phone if it's a smartphone. They could hide anything from you by deleting it and then getting it back, surely?
I don't think it's cause any issues for mine, anyway. What I hate most is the mindless scrolling of my youngest, but it's not inappropriate, just addictive.

Blimey, your poor kids. My 3 boys are adults now and have always used it, as have I. Never seen anything terrible on it and none of my boys have used it for 'bad' purposes. Merely for seeing where their mates are and various group chats. It's not that sinister 🙄!

I came on this thread to basically say this!
The hand wringing about tech and apps is a complete mn phenomenon I find.
In real life most parents allow their teenagers these things because it is how they communicate with their peers (yes, your son will be left out!).
The minority of children without a smart phone are obviously protected from the nasties that do sometimes appear (but generally only if the user has searched for something similar, the algorithms tend to show you what you are interested in, mine pops up with adverts for horses for sale for example, weirdly not random porn🤔). When these protected children finally get their hands on snap chat etc they will be years behind their peers in dealing with any issues that crop up, potentially away from parents (at uni for example) and be completely clueless!! At least teenagers at home with parents have someone to advise them on what to do if they see anything they are not comfortable with.
We cannot protect out children from the world and I would much rather mine are learning about the good and the bad whilst they are at home with me to guide them through it.

My dd was allowed it at 14 as it is really how they all communicate. They use it to arrange things and talk about school stuff. She says she’ll delete it when she leaves school because anyone she wants to stay in touch with then can just message. She’s is allowed but has opted against TikTok.

DS is 11. Just got first phone. Definitely will have no internet access or social media on it before 14 - we will reassess then.

Mine has it but I use it myself so kind of understand why my child would. I manage the amount of time spent on it via parental controls though to minimise any negative impact.

You describe that as “soft core porn”…I’m lost for words.

You can "restrict sensitive content" for supervised teen accounts but I don't know how effective it is. (DS, 13, is also not allowed it and feels he's the only one, left out of group chats etc.)

help.snapchat.com/hc/en-gb/articles/13904198624276-How-do-I-restrict-content-for-my-teen-in-Family-Centre

Jeez, a girl in a bikini, dancing or not, is not soft core porn.

I check my son's snap chat all the time and i have it too. Never seen anything like that before on my account or his. It is the way they all communicate nowadays, cant get a hold of my nephew unless its through snapchat. . I much prefer whatsapp but hey thats the way it is these days.