Why do you allow your teen on Snapchat?

I spent a short amount of time on Snapchat in order to see what it was about and get a sense of whether it was problematic. Within that time I got to see some harmless beauty videos, following which the algorithm decided the next step was to show me videos promoting self harm. I got to see some dancing teenagers having fun, followed up by some really disturbing misogynistic content.

Not in a million years are my kids getting access to it.

The disappearing messages are also a perfect cover for bullying and sexting.

How do you check messages if they disappear?

My DD is so left out of her peer group for not having it but I havent seen one single argument that makes the pros better than the cons?

My DS who is 13 has just got it. I downloaded it too so we can use the family center, his location is turned off, stories have the restriction on and he can only be friends with or chat to people in his phone contacts. I can also see from my account who his friends are and who he has been chatting to. We have also restricted the time he's allowed to spend on it daily, which we have done with all his apps.

I have it as does my 15 year old. We have nothing like you describe on our feeds. I also regularly check their phone and have never seen anything like that on there.

My DD is 14 and she's not on it. I have no intention of letting her have it. 'Everyone' is a myth.

Snapchat is involved in a LOT of 'adults communicating sexually with minors' type offences, depressingly enough. Unfortunately I know a bit about this from a previous job. Luckily 13yo DS hasn't shown any interest, but I'd be quite wary for that reason, especially if I had a DD.

Teen and young adult mental health is at an all time low, in big part thanks to social media. Tonnes of research very clearly showing this.

But it’s easier to let kids do what they want, isn’t it?

If parents collectively banned the use of SM designed to be addictive and harmful and only accepted apps that promoted healthier and safer communication, we wouldn’t have the issue of ‘oh but everyone else has it’.

Saying that teens need to learn to ‘self regulate early’ on SM is ridiculous. I’m now seeing people taking about toddlers needing iPads to learn to be tech savvy - wtf? Teen brains are underdeveloped. SM is the last thing they need during their hugely sensitive years.

How did we as parents end up just quietly accepting tech companies running an ongoing experiment on kids?

I just don’t buy this idea that social media is now the only way to have friends, therefore you have to teach kids to use it. There are so many ways to exist in the world and there are people, even young people, who just don’t use it.

My 13 year old DS has it as do all his friends. Location is always turned off. No soft porn (not that teen girls dancing in a bikini is soft porn- such a weird thing to say about kids).

I have it too and have never seen anything of concern. We’ve had the talk about the importance of being safe with your information, not talking to people you don’t know, never sending compromising photos of yourself and reporting anything you may ever receive. DS is a very sensible boy though so although I do often check his phone and he has usage restrictions, I am happy he uses his phone appropriately. His social life is important to him and so I feel it’s important he is able to navigate apps safely with my guidance while he’s younger as opposed to just suddenly being allowed every app ever when he’s 16 with no experience, or having apps that he hides from me.

Also to add, my children do not have it but don't seem to be left the loop with friends and social activities at all, they use texts or just speak in person.

Those who give into peer pressure are poor role models. Let your children have what you want them to have but don't do it because of what their peers do or don't have! Have some values!

I don’t and they’ve never asked. 14 and 13.

There is a lot of very very naive parents on this thread. It’s shocking

My dd is only 12 but she’s not allowed it. At the moment most of her friends aren’t allowed it either. Dd doesn’t want it yet as she is already aware of the bad sides- cat-fishing and sending threatening messages.

My worry would be more about what other people send her, not her behaviour. For us we won’t let her have it at the moment, but maybe at some point.

I have a 15-year-old and a 13-year-old. They are not allowed Snapchat, Tik Tok or Instagram.

Guardian article about UK Snapchat predator jailed for 14 years for raping a 12 year old girl and exploiting dozens of others:

https://share.google/BGzUqggCPzJyIp30d

The reactance theory, scarcity principle, Streisand effect, forbidden fruit effect...all known psychological reactions to something becoming more attractive when forbidden.

Again, teaching positive behaviours can also reduce addiction. Social media is going to be around for a while, education is imperative. Its not the 'thing' thats the issue, its how we interact with the 'thing'.

Mine are both on it (17/19) and are fine. It’s how they communicate with their friends. Dh has joined it and gets far more response from them on that than WhatsApp! It’s just the app the young use not some demonic entity.

My dd is 22 and her friends still all use Snapchat to message each other.
Your son will be left out things so I guess you have to decide to let that happen or monitor his use until he is older.

Both mine had it and are unscathed. They got it because it was how their friends communicated- holding your ground is all well and good until your 14 year old is in tears because all her friends are in Westfield and she wasn’t on the group chat.
We talk to them about being responsible online and it’s been fine.

Talk to anyone in the police about this. An absolute hard no.

We’ll have to agree to disagree on that one. I started smoking at 14, like all of my friends at the time. It was not difficult to buy cigarettes and the age limit did not even give me pause for thought never mind stop me.

It isn’t smoking these days but vaping. Any teen that wants to vape does. There are shops on every high street willing selling vapes to teenagers. Apparently a quarter of all teenagers have vaped. Banning it for under 18s has made no difference whatsoever.

But all that is by the by as Snapchat isn’t illegal for teenagers.

Demonising certain apps and not others seems quite a silly pointless approach.

I’m not overly keen on it but both my teen DC have it. Out of my DD’s large friendship group, only one child doesn’t have it . I think the main problem will be that your DC gets left out of meet ups etc. it’s absolutely unavoidable as the majority of their friends will be on it. This is the world we live in now and it’s up to you to help them to learn how to navigate it . Also never seen any evidence of soft porn!

I haven’t banned Snapchat. Being a teenager is hard enough without being left out of social interactions

My teenagers have it because it's how all their friends communicate and arrange social things so they would be completely left out.
Absolutely no one uses WhatsApp anymore and FB messenger is only for old people apparently.

I'm surprised at some posters saying their kids can't have it until they're adults and limiting 16yr olds phone usage.

Where I work we get quite a lot of 16/17 yr olds working. They work hard, are going to collage, getting driving lessons or own cars.
It's quite mind boggling to me that people that age would be not allowed Snapchat by their parents.

My teenagers have it. Location turned off, private profiles, and I do random spot checks with no warnings on their phone. No issues at all. I also follow them so I can see what they post. I actually like seeing their posts because it gives me little snippets into their days and lives away from me.

I also have snapchat and have for years. I've not come across any porn or inappropriate content on there, unlike other social media networks. I know it is there, but like most social media, its based on algorithms. My kids seem to get mostly football videos. I get makeup videos.