Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What do you think of this living situation with PIL? Living next door :/

65 replies

Crowde · 02/10/2025 19:05

Dh and I are looking for our first home outside of London. I’m 30, Dh is 33.

A creative suggestion has been put forward and I am very torn.

PILs have a bungalow on a very large plot in my ideal location - the outskirts of a very pretty (and desirable/expensive) market town that has a train st within walking distance. It’s very quaint but extremely connected. They have been granted permission to build a three build, two storey home. They were going to sell the plot to a builder but have offered it to us. The plot is 0.7 acres. It would be split in half.

PILs are very respectful and certainly wouldn’t be dropping in without notice. But it just seems far too close for comfort.

What do you think? We would end up living in a house and location we otherwise simply could not afford. Dh thinks we would be mad to turn it down in this economy.

OP posts:
OnlyInsomniaInTheBuilding · 02/10/2025 19:19

No. My in-laws are wonderful people. They rent out the house next to theirs as an AirBnB, and we stayed there for a period of time when we were saving for our own house, and then again after DD was born. Hugely generous of them. But we still have issues arising from the (IMO) unhealthy physical closeness. It's just too difficult to maintain boundaries.
Prior to our living there, we had a very good, healthy relationship. But while we lived there they wanted to have meals together several times a week, would get in a mood whenever we didn't want to hang out with them, started sharing their opinions and advice on virtually every aspect of our lives, would let themselves into the flat we were staying in (so inadvertently walked in on me in my underwear or breastfeeding fully boobs-out), made several decisions regarding our DC without consulting us (e.g. started our 3mo on solids, would kindly offer to take the baby for a couple of hours and I'd find her asleep, swaddled, on her tummy - after the second time I declined their babysitting offers!)
Years later our relationship has never fully recovered and there's a good bit of resentment on both sides that I don't think either of us anticipated going in.
I wouldn't recommend it.

londongirl12 · 02/10/2025 19:18

Crowde · 02/10/2025 19:17

I was thinking about future babysitting as well….

Edited

But be prepared they might not want to!

londongirl12 · 02/10/2025 19:18

I would as long as you know you have that relationship where they won’t be a pain!! Would the plot also be well laid out that if PIL sell, you won’t be affected by new neighbours?

Original poster
Crowde · 02/10/2025 19:17

I was thinking about future babysitting as well….

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 02/10/2025 19:17

I’d do it.

Redrosesposies · 02/10/2025 19:17

We do it. I am a very handy babysitter and source of emergency supplies.
They come and go here as they please but we message first and always knock. We see them lots for a natter over the fence in summer but not very often in winter.

Original poster
Crowde · 02/10/2025 19:17

We can just about afford a very small but somewhat depressing house in the new build estate around the corner.

OP posts:
THisbackwithavengeance · 02/10/2025 19:15

I would 100%

Wuali · 02/10/2025 19:10

I couldn’t, my in laws are absolutely wonderful people, I get on great with them, but living next door is too much, just would feel like there was never any privacy and would need to be “on” constantly, even if it wasn’t true I think I’d still have that feeling

B0D · 02/10/2025 19:10

Yes I would do it.

Original poster
Crowde · 02/10/2025 19:09

FuzzyWolf · 02/10/2025 19:07

What are the longer term plans? How old are your in-laws and are you likely to end up with a burden of being their carers due to proximity?

In laws are fit and in their mid 60s.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crowde · 02/10/2025 19:08

Besttobe8001 · 02/10/2025 19:07

Are they going to sell the land to you and you build on it?

Also are you planning to have children?

yes, we would build

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 02/10/2025 19:07

What are the longer term plans? How old are your in-laws and are you likely to end up with a burden of being their carers due to proximity?

Besttobe8001 · 02/10/2025 19:07

Are they going to sell the land to you and you build on it?

Also are you planning to have children?

Hankunamatata · 02/10/2025 19:07

I wouldnt have an issue. Even if it didnt work out you could sell and give in-laws value of the land.

Swipe left for the next trending thread