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Original poster

What do you think of this living situation with PIL? Living next door :/

65 replies

Crowde · 02/10/2025 19:05

Dh and I are looking for our first home outside of London. I’m 30, Dh is 33.

A creative suggestion has been put forward and I am very torn.

PILs have a bungalow on a very large plot in my ideal location - the outskirts of a very pretty (and desirable/expensive) market town that has a train st within walking distance. It’s very quaint but extremely connected. They have been granted permission to build a three build, two storey home. They were going to sell the plot to a builder but have offered it to us. The plot is 0.7 acres. It would be split in half.

PILs are very respectful and certainly wouldn’t be dropping in without notice. But it just seems far too close for comfort.

What do you think? We would end up living in a house and location we otherwise simply could not afford. Dh thinks we would be mad to turn it down in this economy.

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 02/10/2025 20:54

Hell no and I have great in-laws.

People age and it's generally shit.

P0loGirl · 02/10/2025 20:50

I lived next door to my PIL for ten years. Houses not connected but they could have been, were very, very close! It was actually fine, never an issue. I’d go for it!

Redpeach · 02/10/2025 20:47

I would

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 02/10/2025 20:45

So they will give you the land and it will legally be yours (you and your DH) and the land boundary will be clearly and legally marked?

And they’ll be okay if you build, live there for six months then move for work or other reasons?

No way. They won’t be okay with that, whatever they say.

What if you and your DH separated? He gets the house? You’re homeless. You get the house? You’re going to live there? Really?! You and another partner?!

If they want to help you, it’s cleaner for them to sell the land and give you some of that money.

That’s assuming your DH is an only child too.

It’s a no from me.

RedLeicesterRedLeicester · 02/10/2025 20:43

I’d be considering the expectation for caring for the in-laws as they age…

RunningNananananananananana · 02/10/2025 20:42

Nope, no way.

Obeseandashamed · 02/10/2025 20:39

I would definitely do it!

Morningsleepin · 02/10/2025 20:31

I lived next-door to my exMIL and it was great

RosePetals86 · 02/10/2025 20:22

Will 100% change the dynamic of the relationship I would say no. Like others have said it all comes at a cost just somewhere further down the line. I’d save longer and buy on your own terms.

stichguru · 02/10/2025 20:02

Do it. Build your own house on your plot. Design your dream home. Unless you can't stand to be in the same room as your in laws, you'd be mad to turn that down!

Original poster
Crowde · 02/10/2025 19:58

I don’t know why but the idea is just very awkward fee fee

OP posts:
Trushy · 02/10/2025 19:57

I'd do it

Member984815 · 02/10/2025 19:50

I wouldn't, it's all good and well until something happens. They may seem young excited for grandkids now but things change . Would you own the land or just the house? I see someone said you could always sell but how would that go down . I know people who have done similar built on granny flat and regretted it . I'd let them sell , maybe they could help with a house less close with the proceeds

Beesarestrong · 02/10/2025 19:50

I think it sounds like a great opportunity. If you are all decent, respectful people, it should all be ok. I know a daughter (and family) who live like this next to her mother & father and it works wonderfully. They don't intrude though.

Timeforabitofpeace · 02/10/2025 19:46

As long as you definitely own your plot yourselves or have your own mortgage on it, it’s a good idea.

UndecidedHouse · 02/10/2025 19:45

Absolutely go for it but just make sure its all yours and theres no clauses about who owns what etc

DemonsandMosquitoes · 02/10/2025 19:43

SIl and BIL moved in next door to PIL. All fine whilst they were getting years of free childcare and everyone was well. There was a lot of boundary overstepping though and BIL biting his tongue because beholden, he knew which side his bread was buttered.
The DC grew up and became teens. PIL still encroaching on every aspect of their lives. Certainly no special relationships there, just frustration and over familiarity. They eventually went to uni leaving two frail elderly GP who now expected payback big time! Poor SIL was run ragged all hours of the day and night. FIL passed and MIL became highly dependent. On the verge of a breakdown SIL acted and MIL is now in a care home.
Her one big regret despite all the ‘wins’ in the early days is moving in next door and she says she would never let her DC do that. It’s left a very bad taste.
Think long term. One day they will be older, dependant, one left alone.
No chance.

JDM625 · 02/10/2025 19:34

Does DH have siblings? If so- how will the finances work/split with them? If an only child and the houses are very far apart, I'd consider it. Could the new house be built to face a different road, so you aren't literally next door to each other but around the block at least?

It would be FAR too close to my own PIL's, but mine are older and we don't get on very well though.

Didntask · 02/10/2025 19:28

Blimey, I'd do it! .7 of an acre is huge, it's not as though you'd be semi detached, is it!

inamo · 02/10/2025 19:26

Why not? It's a fantastic opportunity to build something to your own specs. As long as there's mutual respect for privacy/boundaries I'm sure it will work out fine. You will presumably be at work during the day, making dinner and crashing out in the evenings etc.

The first thing that springs to mind is, if after a decent time to bed things in, you both feel it's not working out, surely you can sell the house and move on. Remember the ILs were going to sell it to strangers anyway before offering it to you, so you wouldn't be doing anything they wouldn't have done themselves!

Best of luck, great opportunity these days so I'd grab it with both hands and wouldn't let go! Try and get the house built with enough attic space to convert if needed in the future, if the plans allow. Futureproofing for all those future kids. 😊

Original poster
Crowde · 02/10/2025 19:21

londongirl12 · 02/10/2025 19:18

But be prepared they might not want to!

Show quote history

They’ve expressed excitement and enthusiasm for doing so. MIL is desperate for grandkids. Thankfully

OP posts:
Cynic17 · 02/10/2025 19:21

Absolutely not. I would never live so close to relatives - whether mine or in laws. It's just a recipe for disaster and for them to start interfering in your life.

AlwaysGreenerGrass · 02/10/2025 19:21

Yes! Definitely do it …

shampooing · 02/10/2025 19:19

Not a fucking chance!

Really hard to extricate yourself from in the future. No matter how boundaried people are I would not live so close to in-laws (or my own family). I live walking distance from some but a good walk!

BlouseyBrowne · 02/10/2025 19:19

We did this. Best thing we ever did.

Could I live next door to my mum? No way. But my mother in law is perfect.

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