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AIBU?

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Original poster

To insist the holiday is cancelled

212 replies

Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 17:50

DH has a big birthday next year and has booked a one week holiday for just me and him abroad. He has arranged for MIL and FIL to look after our kids (DD-5, DD-3).

MIL and FIL visited this week and said they'd do the school run for oldest DD. At 2pm they decided to nip out taking the house keys with them (car seat was left in the house). At 2.50 still no sign of them coming back so tried phoning, no answer. Both had left their phones at home. They are terrible for losing track of time. DD needed collecting at 3.15.

I couldn't get out of the house to go and get DD as they'd locked the door with my key (they had their key too and DH had other set in work). So managed to get hold of a friend that could pick up DD for me, this was 3.05 still no sign of them. Phoned school and let them know arrangements.

At 3.15 FIL comes in and grabs the car seat....he'd dropped MIL at the school to pick up DD and was heading back to pick them up. I then had to phone my friend to apologise she didn't need to get DD and phone the school. I felt so panicked and upset.

No apology from MIL or FIL. MIL went as far to say she thought it was hilarious I'd phoned the school. I want to cancel the holiday and rebook somewhere where me DH and our two DD's go together. DH thinks I'm over reacting.

YABU- go on the holiday with just DH
YANBU- cancel the holiday and book elsewhere

OP posts:
CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 02/10/2025 18:24

They said they would get DD and they did! Why would they need to confirm again. Just leave them to it.
They were sensible enough to drop grandma off and grandad go home to get car seat.

you are overreacting.

JustJani · 02/10/2025 18:24

I mean, your husband survived his childhood, and they didn't do anything unsafe here. They don't sound all that terrible to me, just very different to you. I think it's a bit dramatic to cancel a short holiday.

Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 18:23

canchewcashew · 02/10/2025 18:16

Forgetting to give a child anything to drink for a day seems like a bigger problem than the mix up with the keys and car seat. How long ago did this happen? If your youngest is old enough now to speak up for herself, maybe it's less of a concern.

Most likely, there would be no problem with letting them watch your children, but if you won't enjoy the holiday, then it's pointless to go away.

She's currently 2, would be 3 when he's booked the holiday. It happened about 3 months ago

OP posts:
Cooksmart · 02/10/2025 18:23

When are you due to go?

Cooksmart · 02/10/2025 18:23

This issue aside, what’s your relationship like with them?

Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 18:22

steff13 · 02/10/2025 18:17

You physically could not get out of the house? So you need the key to unlock the door from the inside, or have I misunderstood?

Yes, they locked the door when they went out and had 2 sets of keys with them. My DH was in work and had the other set of keys. I had a back door key so could get into the garden but couldn't leave the house.

OP posts:
Whereismyfleeceblanket · 02/10/2025 18:21

A week with people who fluster at a school pick up?.
No way. Do they really know dc well enough for a week anyway?

ButSheSaid · 02/10/2025 18:19

Another time they forgot to give my youngest DD a drink all day.

Why does your husband think it's a great idea to leave your kids with these people?
They've proven they're incapable of the barest of minimums, very basic level of care, a holiday doesn't seem like it'd be enjoyable.

steff13 · 02/10/2025 18:17

You physically could not get out of the house? So you need the key to unlock the door from the inside, or have I misunderstood?

cheeseismydownfall · 02/10/2025 18:17

I thought you were going to say that they drove DD home without the car seat, in which case YWNBU.

As it stands... it sounds like their planning and comms left something to be desired, but at the end of the day the most important things did happen - DD had someone to meet her at the correct time, and she was driven home safely in her car seat.

The key thing is crap but sounds like a mistake - unless you have repeatedly told them that this is something they need to be very careful not to do.

Unless there is more to this I think YABabitU

canchewcashew · 02/10/2025 18:16

Forgetting to give a child anything to drink for a day seems like a bigger problem than the mix up with the keys and car seat. How long ago did this happen? If your youngest is old enough now to speak up for herself, maybe it's less of a concern.

Most likely, there would be no problem with letting them watch your children, but if you won't enjoy the holiday, then it's pointless to go away.

madaboutpurple · 02/10/2025 18:14

I would think getting a spare set of keys in essential. If you had needed to leave urgently you would not have been able to. Do you know why your relative locked you in the house. That was dangerous.

Worriedalltheday · 02/10/2025 18:10

Ok missed the update, sounds like a bad idea

Worriedalltheday · 02/10/2025 18:09

Sounds like they were perfectly responsible. They probably absentmindedly locked the door and forgot the phone. And made a very clever solution of leaving MIL at school and picking up the car seat. So in the end they probably realised their mistake, realised they didn’t have a phone and did the very best.
I would expect an apology or explanation but it would make me feel a bit more confident that they were able to get the job done.

HumphreyCushionintheHouse · 02/10/2025 18:09

I would either cancel the holiday, or add the children to it. These people are not reliable.

Delatron · 02/10/2025 18:08

I think the not giving the youngest a drink is an issue. Is the holiday a year away? Will she be able to say when she’s thirsty?

DP’s parents used to ‘forget’ to give my kids lunch…think MIL couldn’t be arsed to cook..

Fupoffyagrasshole · 02/10/2025 18:07

But they did collect on time like they said?
canceling the holiday is extreme

you could
get a different babysitter if you don’t trust them fully

but I can’t really see what they did wrong

locked you in by mistake not on purpose ??

and they did get the child at 3.15

Runningismyhappyplace50 · 02/10/2025 18:07

I thought you were going to say they drove DC without a car seat.

They picked up DC as arranged. Assume they have to lock their own front door so whilst annoying was probably just a habit.

Has this behaviour surprised you? I wouldn’t cancel the holiday but would have them do a few more school runs to practice before the holiday.

Maray1967 · 02/10/2025 18:07

An adult who forgets to give a child a drink all day is not a fit childminder.

There is no way they would be looking after my DC.

Delatron · 02/10/2025 18:06

To be fair they were at school in time for the pick up.

I think you either learn to let go and they do it their way. Or if you feel you won’t relax - change the holiday to a weekend away so no school runs involved.

I find grandparents can sometimes be more relaxed about things. It worked in our favour when they were here looking after my teens. They didn’t seem to worry what time they came home (much like the 90s when I was younger!). And they stayed up later waiting for them.

Cooksmart · 02/10/2025 18:06

Ok so they hardly see the kids
History of them messing up
you don’t like or trust them clearly

so your weeks holidays will be awful.

yes postpone so children join

xxxwd · 02/10/2025 18:06

You were the problem here.

Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 18:04

I should have added they were down visiting and live 200+ miles away, they visit a few times a year for a couple of nights. We have no other family help, they are our closest relatives. I didn't know DH had booked the holiday and arranged them to look after our DD's.

They have form for being quite forgetful about things and are normally late to things (also the fact they didnt have the car seat). I agreed for them to do the school run but had no idea where they had gone and no way of contacting them to find out. As well as the fact they left me locked in the house. It makes me feel that I can't trust them to look after the girls. Another time they forgot to give my youngest DD a drink all day.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 02/10/2025 18:04

You've painted this like it's just one incident

Yes it is annoying but at the same time like others said, they did what they said they'd do

On the basis of this post which is coming across as one incident, yes you're being unreasonable about the holiday

Cooksmart · 02/10/2025 18:02

They are terrible for losing track of time.

so weird you’re surprised

so weird that you have arranged for them to care for your children for a week when you clearly don’t trust (or like) them