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AIBU?

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Original poster

To insist the holiday is cancelled

212 replies

Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 17:50

DH has a big birthday next year and has booked a one week holiday for just me and him abroad. He has arranged for MIL and FIL to look after our kids (DD-5, DD-3).

MIL and FIL visited this week and said they'd do the school run for oldest DD. At 2pm they decided to nip out taking the house keys with them (car seat was left in the house). At 2.50 still no sign of them coming back so tried phoning, no answer. Both had left their phones at home. They are terrible for losing track of time. DD needed collecting at 3.15.

I couldn't get out of the house to go and get DD as they'd locked the door with my key (they had their key too and DH had other set in work). So managed to get hold of a friend that could pick up DD for me, this was 3.05 still no sign of them. Phoned school and let them know arrangements.

At 3.15 FIL comes in and grabs the car seat....he'd dropped MIL at the school to pick up DD and was heading back to pick them up. I then had to phone my friend to apologise she didn't need to get DD and phone the school. I felt so panicked and upset.

No apology from MIL or FIL. MIL went as far to say she thought it was hilarious I'd phoned the school. I want to cancel the holiday and rebook somewhere where me DH and our two DD's go together. DH thinks I'm over reacting.

YABU- go on the holiday with just DH
YANBU- cancel the holiday and book elsewhere

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 02/10/2025 19:16

Tell your DH to deal with them. Regarding the holiday, I would not go without trusting them to properly look after your DC.

StrawBeretMoose · 02/10/2025 19:13

Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 19:06

I didn't book the holiday without them my DH booked it and only told me after.

Show quote history

This is your biggest problem. No way would DH or I book a holiday for both of us without checking. We can surprise each other with tickets to a show or something (well not often because babysitters are scarce) but an actual holiday, no way.
I wouldn’t want to leave DC that age more than a night or two and only with someone I really trusted. No such person is currently available to us so we don’t.

It seems like he booked the holiday to get his own way because you wouldn’t have agreed to this plan.

Autumnyears · 02/10/2025 19:12

I wouldn't trust them to look after your children at all. From a responsible grandparent.

BlouseyBrowne · 02/10/2025 19:12

It sounds like you’re looking for a reason to cancel and you don’t sound like the type that could enjoy the break anyway.

justasking111 · 02/10/2025 19:11

I might do an overnight nearby. Couldn't do a week. How old are they @Bella2021

Hankunamatata · 02/10/2025 19:11

They shouldn't have took the key but they did pick dd up.
You should have trusted them to sort it when they said they would

Okiedokie123 · 02/10/2025 19:10

I think yanbu op.
Your reason for worrying was unnecessary as it turned out but I think it’s telling that your mil laughed at you for being upset.
I wouldn’t want to leave my kids with them when so young.

Morereadingthanposting · 02/10/2025 19:07

YANBU to not want to holiday without your children at that age

YABU and unfair to try and pin that (perfectly legitimate)preference on your PIL’s competency

Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 19:06

KickHimInTheCrotch · 02/10/2025 19:01

I can't understand people who would go on holiday for a whole week leaving their small children behind. A night or a weekend, yes. But a week is ages and it feels really mean to leave them with people they dont know well while you live it up on holiday. Don't you like spending time with your kids?

Aside from this you clearly dont trust your PIL so why on earth would you let them look after your DC at all?

I didn't book the holiday without them my DH booked it and only told me after.

OP posts:
Bananaandmangosmoothie · 02/10/2025 19:05

Someone met your DD from school at the right time? I can see why you’re worried but I can also see it from their perspective.

PeloMom · 02/10/2025 19:04

KickHimInTheCrotch · 02/10/2025 19:01

I can't understand people who would go on holiday for a whole week leaving their small children behind. A night or a weekend, yes. But a week is ages and it feels really mean to leave them with people they dont know well while you live it up on holiday. Don't you like spending time with your kids?

Aside from this you clearly dont trust your PIL so why on earth would you let them look after your DC at all?

The husband booked it and arranged without telling/ discussing with OP first. She’s clearly uncomfortable with the whole idea.

pteromum · 02/10/2025 19:03

I would not cancel in the basis of what you say.

BUT, I wouldn’t have booked a week away without them anyway. For me or DH. Add them on? Or reschedule, or send him with a friend.

It is ok to say, I don’t want to do that DH. Regardless of whether it’s is birthday. I suspect deep down, that’s the reality, and even if it was identical care you would still worry, that’s ok as well. We are all different. Some love holidays like this, some don’t.

CurlewKate · 02/10/2025 19:03

They didn’t forget to pick her up-you just thought they had and everything was fine. I can see why you panicked, but if you hadn’t been there you wouldn't have known anything about it.

PeloMom · 02/10/2025 19:03

I wouldn’t be comfortable leaving my kids with them either.

  • they lack common sense (not offering a 2 yr old water all day; taking someone else’s house keys without asking (provided they have their own))
  • they are comfortable not being reachable (which is fine if they’re on their own but I wouldn’t be able to leave my child in this example)
and this is only from 2 examples of their behaviour you have given.
Soontobe60 · 02/10/2025 19:03

Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 18:04

I should have added they were down visiting and live 200+ miles away, they visit a few times a year for a couple of nights. We have no other family help, they are our closest relatives. I didn't know DH had booked the holiday and arranged them to look after our DD's.

They have form for being quite forgetful about things and are normally late to things (also the fact they didnt have the car seat). I agreed for them to do the school run but had no idea where they had gone and no way of contacting them to find out. As well as the fact they left me locked in the house. It makes me feel that I can't trust them to look after the girls. Another time they forgot to give my youngest DD a drink all day.

Do you not have a back door or a spare key in the house?

KickHimInTheCrotch · 02/10/2025 19:01

I can't understand people who would go on holiday for a whole week leaving their small children behind. A night or a weekend, yes. But a week is ages and it feels really mean to leave them with people they dont know well while you live it up on holiday. Don't you like spending time with your kids?

Aside from this you clearly dont trust your PIL so why on earth would you let them look after your DC at all?

Puzzledtoday · 02/10/2025 19:00

Leaving your young children with these two would be too stressful.

Nandina · 02/10/2025 18:59

They collected on time, as promised, so the only issue is that you didn't trust them to do it.

Are you having reservations about being away from a 3 year old for a week? I'd find that hard too.

Severntrent · 02/10/2025 18:58

If they picked up at the time they said they would why does it matter if you didn't know where they were? I guess you don't trust them but have not given a clear reason why. You just don't like them. Do your children enjoy being with them? If so, your children would probably have a lovely time that they will remember. Even if its different to the time they'd have with you.

Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 18:58

FlockofSquirrels · 02/10/2025 18:48

It's obvious you dislike your in-laws, but your reaction to them not actively actively offering your 2.5 year-old her drinks bottle that was sitting out in the kitchen through the day is unreasonable. Unless there are significant developmental delays you haven't mentioned your 2.5 year old is more than capable of asking her her water bottle or another drink if she's thirsty. And she won't suffer any harm going 10 hours at home without drinking if she's not thirsty.

Show quote history

It is not obvious that I dislike them. I think it is obvious that I find them frustrating at times, as I'm sure a lot of people find family members sometimes. They are both incredibly disorganised and forgetful (forgetful appointments, forgot driving license for a driving holiday abroad). Yes I find them frustrating but also know they love my DD's and they mean well and hearts are in the right place. My apologies if I haven't managed to articulate every aspect of my relationship with them.

OP posts:
FuzzyWolf · 02/10/2025 18:58

But they didn’t forget and did exactly what they said they would do. You just wanted to micromanage and when it didn’t go how you wanted, made unnecessary alternative arrangements.

Your house is a fire hazard. You need to remedy that asap.

Theoldbird · 02/10/2025 18:58

FlockofSquirrels · 02/10/2025 18:48

It's obvious you dislike your in-laws, but your reaction to them not actively actively offering your 2.5 year-old her drinks bottle that was sitting out in the kitchen through the day is unreasonable. Unless there are significant developmental delays you haven't mentioned your 2.5 year old is more than capable of asking her her water bottle or another drink if she's thirsty. And she won't suffer any harm going 10 hours at home without drinking if she's not thirsty.

Show quote history

How is it obvious that the op dislikes her in laws?? Op is rightly worried about leaving her child in the care of her in laws.

your reaction to them not actively actively offering your 2.5 year-old her drinks bottle that was sitting out in the kitchen through the day is unreasonable
The op didn't react to this at all. she only knew by seeing the bottle untouched and by asking her inlaws whether she'd had had a drink in her cup, that child hadn't drank anything.

And she won't suffer any harm going 10 hours at home without drinking if she's not thirsty
She might not suffer long term harm however this is a very concerning attitude. of course a child should be offered drinks regularly, this is the very minimum I would expect of someone who is supposed to be looking after a child.

@Bella2021 no way would I be going on holiday. They are very absent minded, I wouldn't be able to relax at all.

ScribblingPixie · 02/10/2025 18:53

I can't see the issue. Presumably your DH doesn't have dreadful tales of near-death experiences from his own childhood? If there are things you're worried about, leave them a list of reminders.

Readyforslippers · 02/10/2025 18:53

They did what they said they would do. You sound like you are looking for problems.

Ariel896 · 02/10/2025 18:51

Sounds so much like my in laws, utterly useless. I would absolutely cancel the holiday. You won’t enjoy it. Not offering a drink to your dc is awful. Exactly what my in laws did and also didn’t change the nappy. They no longer have row their of my DC alone

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