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AIBU?

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Original poster

To insist the holiday is cancelled

212 replies

Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 17:50

DH has a big birthday next year and has booked a one week holiday for just me and him abroad. He has arranged for MIL and FIL to look after our kids (DD-5, DD-3).

MIL and FIL visited this week and said they'd do the school run for oldest DD. At 2pm they decided to nip out taking the house keys with them (car seat was left in the house). At 2.50 still no sign of them coming back so tried phoning, no answer. Both had left their phones at home. They are terrible for losing track of time. DD needed collecting at 3.15.

I couldn't get out of the house to go and get DD as they'd locked the door with my key (they had their key too and DH had other set in work). So managed to get hold of a friend that could pick up DD for me, this was 3.05 still no sign of them. Phoned school and let them know arrangements.

At 3.15 FIL comes in and grabs the car seat....he'd dropped MIL at the school to pick up DD and was heading back to pick them up. I then had to phone my friend to apologise she didn't need to get DD and phone the school. I felt so panicked and upset.

No apology from MIL or FIL. MIL went as far to say she thought it was hilarious I'd phoned the school. I want to cancel the holiday and rebook somewhere where me DH and our two DD's go together. DH thinks I'm over reacting.

YABU- go on the holiday with just DH
YANBU- cancel the holiday and book elsewhere

OP posts:
Dontitalwaysseemtogo · 02/10/2025 19:52

There’s no way I could enjoy myself if I worried my children weren’t looked after properly. Then again I have a 7 year old and wouldn’t want a holiday without him anyway! Even when he was younger, maybe a long weekend but definitely not longer! I’ve only ever been away for a night without him and my husband a couple of nights. He’s included as I’d feel weird leaving him if we were both going away!

I would change the holiday and take them too!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/10/2025 19:52

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all OP.

If they want you to trust them implicitly to be where they say they will be, on time, they have to earn your trust by not doing things like this! And not leaving your child without a drink all day, that could be really dangerous.

I don’t blame you at all!

Edit - my children are 17 and 11, and I’ve always been pretty easy going about leaving them with family, so I’m not neurotic about it. Because my eldest was in cardiac PICU and therefore away from us at 8/9 weeks old I’ve never been someone who can’t be parted from my kids overnight, even when they were little!

Pleatherandlace · 02/10/2025 19:51

They’re unreliable and chaotic. Your kids are too young to be cared for by people like this

thepariscrimefiles · 02/10/2025 19:51

JoshLymanSwagger · 02/10/2025 19:47

They locked you in your own home.
They didn't take the car seat.
They didn't take their mobile phone(s).
They were going to be late.

Yeah, I wouldn't let them care for a goldfish.

Tell DH to cancel this holiday and rebook something with the kids included.

I totally agree. They sound really flakey and OP wouldn't be able to relax on holiday for worrying about her children.

InMyShowgirlEra · 02/10/2025 19:50

AutumnyCrow · 02/10/2025 19:47

They locked her in.

Show quote history

Well that's easily done, I've done it to my husband before. If she's on holiday, they can't lock her in.

thepariscrimefiles · 02/10/2025 19:49

Gallopingfanjo · 02/10/2025 19:27

Did you DH survive childhood? Oh, hang on…

Most children, even the ones with the most shitty and neglectful parents, survive childhood. OP's DH surviving to adulthood is hardly a testimonial to their parents skills.

thatsthatsaidthemayor · 02/10/2025 19:48

If you think they will be happy and alive when you are back go.

AutumnyCrow · 02/10/2025 19:48

JoshLymanSwagger · 02/10/2025 19:47

They locked you in your own home.
They didn't take the car seat.
They didn't take their mobile phone(s).
They were going to be late.

Yeah, I wouldn't let them care for a goldfish.

Tell DH to cancel this holiday and rebook something with the kids included.

Yeah. I wouldn’t go ‘on holiday’ because I’d just worry every day.

JoshLymanSwagger · 02/10/2025 19:47

They locked you in your own home.
They didn't take the car seat.
They didn't take their mobile phone(s).
They were going to be late.

Yeah, I wouldn't let them care for a goldfish.

Tell DH to cancel this holiday and rebook something with the kids included.

AutumnyCrow · 02/10/2025 19:47

InMyShowgirlEra · 02/10/2025 19:46

It sounds like they picked her up at 3:15 as agreed and the only problem was that you panicked unnecessarily. I don't see what any of it has to do with a holiday next year.

They locked her in.

Gallopingfanjo · 02/10/2025 19:46

Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 19:34

Yes he did and that's why I'm currently having to decide if I'm being unreasonable wanting to rearrange a holiday so my DDs are included rather than leaving them with two extremely forgetful people who admit themselves that they're memory isn't what it used to be 40 years ago raising their own kids...

Show quote history

Ok so they got to school late, it’s really not that big

InMyShowgirlEra · 02/10/2025 19:46

It sounds like they picked her up at 3:15 as agreed and the only problem was that you panicked unnecessarily. I don't see what any of it has to do with a holiday next year.

Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 19:43

MaurineWayBack · 02/10/2025 19:39

So from what you’ve said, they were supposed to pick up your dd and they …. did. Jp
Just not the way you expected it to happen (then having the car seat with them and arriving at school with it)

But you got extremely worried because your experience is that theyre always late so you expect them to be late picking your dd up too.

Im not sure why you agreed to them looking after your dd whilst you’re away because you dint trust them. And you didn’t trust them before either.

I didn't agree to it DH booked the holiday as a surprise and arranged them to do the childcare. I only found out this weekend when they came to visit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 19:41

Tiswa · 02/10/2025 19:30

@Bella2021 do you want to go on the holiday

Not going to lie on one hand a week child free sounds amazing. Apart from a brief spell in hospital I've never had a night away from the kids.

Me and DH are lucky to get the opportunity to go on a date night once a year. On the other hand after this happening on the only time they've done the school run I feel, understandably, very anxious about it as well as other concerns. So don't think I would enjoy.

OP posts:
OneNeatWriter · 02/10/2025 19:39

Your situation is completely understandable; your fear is natural because you weren't able to go out or communicate with them. However, what happened was a miscommunication, not intentional neglect.

First, try a clear session with them: keep your phone charged, keep all your keys out of the way, and agree on appointments in advance.
If, after talking, you feel they aren't committed or reassuring, then you might consider canceling or changing your travel arrangements.

MaurineWayBack · 02/10/2025 19:39

So from what you’ve said, they were supposed to pick up your dd and they …. did. Jp
Just not the way you expected it to happen (then having the car seat with them and arriving at school with it)

But you got extremely worried because your experience is that theyre always late so you expect them to be late picking your dd up too.

Im not sure why you agreed to them looking after your dd whilst you’re away because you dint trust them. And you didn’t trust them before either.

QuiltPlantCandle · 02/10/2025 19:37

Am I understanding this correctly? They locked you in your house and you couldn't get out? If it's possible to do that in your house that is so unbelievably unsafe! I must have misunderstood.

pinkbackground · 02/10/2025 19:34

I think they sound a bit unorganised but ultimately they did what they said they would do.

Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 19:34

Gallopingfanjo · 02/10/2025 19:27

Did you DH survive childhood? Oh, hang on…

Yes he did and that's why I'm currently having to decide if I'm being unreasonable wanting to rearrange a holiday so my DDs are included rather than leaving them with two extremely forgetful people who admit themselves that they're memory isn't what it used to be 40 years ago raising their own kids...

OP posts:
Tiswa · 02/10/2025 19:30

@Bella2021 do you want to go on the holiday

Original poster
Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 19:28

snemrose · 02/10/2025 19:21

But your issue isn’t going it is with the people who are looking after your dc?
I don’t understand being locked in your own home - your in laws left your house and locked you in and you had no way of contacting them?

Show quote history

I didn't know they'd taken my key out of the bowl. I assumed they had their key which they'd been using all week. It was only when I realised the car seat was in the hallway that I thought I'd better walk to get her that the keys were gone (before anyone says anything about being lazy and not walking I have not been well and find it a massive struggle at the moment). When I phoned them they'd both left their phones in the house. So I had no way of contacting them at all. Going off past experiences with them I assumed they hadn't realised the time. Last thing I wanted was my little girl coming out of school and no one there to get her. She's only 4 at the moment so wouldn't understand why no one was there.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 02/10/2025 19:28

Regardless of my view that big birthdays are a nonsense, if you were to leave your DC with them, you would not be able to relax. Some people are unable to be good or even adequate timekeepers, and you have to recognise it.

I think you should cancel.

Gallopingfanjo · 02/10/2025 19:27

Did you DH survive childhood? Oh, hang on…

Tuesdayschild50 · 02/10/2025 19:21

Can you discuss it with them if it's not until next year.
Give them a chance at least .

snemrose · 02/10/2025 19:21

Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 19:06

I didn't book the holiday without them my DH booked it and only told me after.

Show quote history

But your issue isn’t going it is with the people who are looking after your dc?
I don’t understand being locked in your own home - your in laws left your house and locked you in and you had no way of contacting them?

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