To insist the holiday is cancelled

Amazingly, yes, I've "seen" many, many children. I've brought up 3 of them. Sometimes I even went out without a mobile phone on me (and I certainly let my parents and ILs do that because their generation don't automatically carry phones). Massive overreacting and whataboutery here. But I'm glad OP isn't going on her holiday because she wouldn't enjoy it.

I would be taking “their”key off them to your house too!! Why did they even lock the door when you are inside the house????!?!?!

@Umbilicat Have you ever seen a child? 'If circumstances changed' eg a traffic accident closes the road and they cannot get there etc; 'in an emergency' eg DC is taken ill or has an accident etc. All that's in the brief when responsible for a child. And don't forget they'd locked OP in the house, even though they weren't the sole adults around on this occasion.

They turned up at school on time and with a car seat. They fulfilled their part of the brief. OP just THOUGHT they wouldn't and panicked

They did not have the situation under control as they could not be contacted if circumstances changed or in an emergency.

People no longer using quill pens has nothing to do with people leaving their phones at home when they go out because they have a situation under control and don't need to be pestered by their anxious dil wrongly assuming they won't make school pick up

Yes it is. It's reductio ad absurdum.

Er, not the same argument at all

Come on. It’s still not that unusual that you can’t contact people. Phones get flat. No connexion. It happens.
The fa to the PIL left their phones at home just means that mobiles aren’t part kf their life. It’s ok. You just know to adapt your expectations and behaviours to the fa t you can’t contact them.

Yes it will make you feel less in control. That’s ok too.

It is a fire risk but it is also not an uncommon set up. We are really strict about leaving keys right beside the doors and before bed I check that the key is where it should be.

Nobody used to have a mobile phone, and everyone coped.
Why didn't you put down your computer and write this with a quill then?

I' m glad it's sorted OP, but remember your in-laws DID the school pick-up, despite you fretting they wouldn't, and so making out this was some kind of debacle is really not fair on them. But you don't trust them so far better not to have a week away paranoidly checking up on them

I know that leaving someone inside the house without a key is a problem. That's why I clearly said it was a problem that they took the OP's keys! I think this was the issue rather than their being in the habit of locking up after themselves though.

Not having a mobile phone isn't that odd, though. Nobody used to have a mobile phone, and everyone coped. My in-laws have never been in the habit of carrying phones everywhere, and it doesn't make them "chaotic and irresponsible".

Anyway the OP and her DH have decided to make alternative arrangements. That's their prerogative, and may be the right decision if there's some bigger pattern of behaviour. I still think it's an overreaction based on the information here.

No I'd work on building trust. They did pick DD up, the commuication just want great.

Pick your battles. The one thing we absolutely insist on with PILs is that they take mobile phones out with them (and have them switched on). They were quite resistant at first and called us overanxious but they do it now and that has helped massively on both sides.

Also have an extra key that just lives inside the house, to avoid getting locked in there! Or hide your keys so PIL have to use theirs.

When you say the holiday is next year Op… how far away is it??

Some front doors need to be locked with the key as otherwise anyone trying the handle can just walk in. And if you have one of those, you never leave anyone locked inside without their key, so they don't die in a fire. They unintentionally risked another person's life.

If DC was under their care and at school and needed help in an emergency, how would the school contact them if they were out without their phones?

If they were delayed in traffic and their last-minute pick-up went wrong, and they had no phones to inform the school, would they shrug off DC being upset or worried?

They sound chaotic and irresponsible, and should not be left in charge of a child. OP is not overreacting.

I would go on the holiday but find someone else to look after your kids.

Some front doors need to be locked with the key as otherwise anyone trying the handle can just walk in. They said they'd collect DC at 3.15 and they did. The only actual problem was that they took your keys, presumably not intentionally.

You would be massively overreacting and unreasonable to cancel a holiday over this!

So you had no idea of the dates or the duration or the location of the holiday.

He just told you..,, book this week off work and we are going to xyz for my birthday?

Yanbu op.

First it really doesn’t hold to compare parenting 40 yrs ago to parenting today. I’m a very basic 70s child and I walked to school unattended and literally drank from the garden hose. Your DH surviving is inconsequential. Parenting and childrearing evolves.

secondly they did get dc on time but in a chaotic and off routine kind of way. Where in the hell did they have to go to before school pick up? While you are gone for a week routine will be essential in making your dc feel safe and happy.

thirdly your house will be an absolute mess when you arrive home.

I really dislike people in 2025 shrugging off not having their phone and not having the car seat and grabbing all the keys like oh well! Do they talk to each other…hey Frank got your phone and the house keys??

my dear sister watches her gc several times a week. She’s organized fit energetic with great patience and competency and she says…no way would she keep them for a week while their parents go out of country!

how would PIL deal with an emergency? Thats a real conversation you and DH need to have.

plan something much closer to home and for less time and make the most of it!

My inlaws are very similar, especially with the last minute rush, forgetting important documents and throwing away stuff that’s none of their business.
when my husband got his ADHD diagnosis it all made sense: ADHD is hereditary.
i think you’ll struggle to relax on holiday knowing two disorganised people are in charge of your kids, and be sad you’re making memories without your kids.

How is that not an enormous fire risk? What if you needed to get out in a hurry and the key wasn't close at hand?

I think they sound a bit ditzy but not dangerous. They came back for the car seat which is great! Didn’t just stick her in the car without one which some people of their generation would have done. Of course they forget it in the first place they don’t do a school run and wouldn’t have been part of their routine or mindset. They collected child on time as they said they would and done it in a problem solving way.

At 2 your child could have communicated she was thirsty and she had eaten and drank milk with cereal etc.

You say you don’t have much time away from the children which is likely why you are so protective of them which is great but you are setting yourself up for unnecessary stress and heartache.

What are your husbands thoughts on it all? He clearly wants to go away and spend time with you as a couple and not as mum and dad. What will the repercussions of not going be? Will it likely impact your relationship? Is it worth it? I say this as someone who deals with lots of parents who seperate and then hate having to deal with contact and custody arrangements. Will this holiday be the holiday to save your marriage? If it is one of those holidays prioritise it as if you separate he can decide if his parents care for the children when they are in his care and you get zero say.

Does he think his parents will look after the children well? His views are important too.

Being anxious about something like this is completely understandable but it’s about dealing with it in a sensible way and as a team with both of you contributing to the discussion. Also I liked the suggestion a PP made about them spending more time with the children in the lead up to the holiday. When they are next down go for a meal with your hubby and let them babysit etc. good luck and I hope you manage to get away.