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AIBU?

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Original poster

To insist the holiday is cancelled

212 replies

Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 17:50

DH has a big birthday next year and has booked a one week holiday for just me and him abroad. He has arranged for MIL and FIL to look after our kids (DD-5, DD-3).

MIL and FIL visited this week and said they'd do the school run for oldest DD. At 2pm they decided to nip out taking the house keys with them (car seat was left in the house). At 2.50 still no sign of them coming back so tried phoning, no answer. Both had left their phones at home. They are terrible for losing track of time. DD needed collecting at 3.15.

I couldn't get out of the house to go and get DD as they'd locked the door with my key (they had their key too and DH had other set in work). So managed to get hold of a friend that could pick up DD for me, this was 3.05 still no sign of them. Phoned school and let them know arrangements.

At 3.15 FIL comes in and grabs the car seat....he'd dropped MIL at the school to pick up DD and was heading back to pick them up. I then had to phone my friend to apologise she didn't need to get DD and phone the school. I felt so panicked and upset.

No apology from MIL or FIL. MIL went as far to say she thought it was hilarious I'd phoned the school. I want to cancel the holiday and rebook somewhere where me DH and our two DD's go together. DH thinks I'm over reacting.

YABU- go on the holiday with just DH
YANBU- cancel the holiday and book elsewhere

OP posts:
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BrickBiscuit · 05/10/2025 08:56

CasperGutman · 05/10/2025 08:32

Maybe a delay occurred, and this was how they dealt with it?

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If that was the case, they left themselves dealing with the delay with no phones to let the OP or school know, and with the OP locked in the house and unable to respond anyway. They are chaotic, incompetent and irresponsible whichever way you cut it.

Sometimeswinning · 05/10/2025 08:48

You were locked in your own house and couldn’t get out?? That’s your excuse?

CasperGutman · 05/10/2025 08:32

BrickBiscuit · 04/10/2025 15:28

That is not a safe plan. It includes no contingency for error, delay or incident.

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Maybe a delay occurred, and this was how they dealt with it?

Alliod40 · 05/10/2025 02:29

They forgot to give your child a drink all day stop it 🤣🤣🤣 can your child not ask for a drink ? Was she not thirsty all day ? Does she not have a juice bottle/cup ? You're finding problems for no reason here..if you don't like your husband just tell him you don't want to spend a week with him fgs ..you're being ridiculous..

cornflakecrunchie · 05/10/2025 01:05

So relieved you're cancelling!

HevenlyMeS · 04/10/2025 20:48

Yes completely concur with you
I also wouldn't be able to enjoy without my Children & not knowing if they're ok 💚

BrickBiscuit · 04/10/2025 15:28

Sadworld23 · 04/10/2025 09:11

Hrft They sound a bit chaotic, but that's often fun for littles.

They didn't forget, they came up with a safe plan, ie pic up at school hen nip back for car seat.
Obviously not your style but nit necessarily wrong.

However, I couldn't settle leaving my DC at 3 with someone else for more than an afternoon. So if it makes you uncomfortable, cancel.

That is not a safe plan. It includes no contingency for error, delay or incident.

Ferrit6 · 04/10/2025 10:19

This is about trust - you need to remember they have brought up children they aren’t novices … they will have a routine when they stay and it will be fine and an adventure for them and the kids … try not to build in negatives they love their grandkids and son and will be protective and caring that’s what counts surely

Sadworld23 · 04/10/2025 09:11

Hrft They sound a bit chaotic, but that's often fun for littles.

They didn't forget, they came up with a safe plan, ie pic up at school hen nip back for car seat.
Obviously not your style but nit necessarily wrong.

However, I couldn't settle leaving my DC at 3 with someone else for more than an afternoon. So if it makes you uncomfortable, cancel.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 04/10/2025 08:31

Bella2021 · 03/10/2025 12:05

Trust me you would have been panicking too if they were your PIL's with their track record.

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What was the big panic OP?
Child is at school, a safe environment, you have a friend who could do the pick-up,
You could phone the school to say you/friend would be late.

Have you never been or think you'll never be late to pick up?

PILs picked up when they said they would.
DH agreeing with you doesn't mean you didn't overreact.

Nanny0gg · 03/10/2025 23:13

Bella2021 · 02/10/2025 19:34

Yes he did and that's why I'm currently having to decide if I'm being unreasonable wanting to rearrange a holiday so my DDs are included rather than leaving them with two extremely forgetful people who admit themselves that they're memory isn't what it used to be 40 years ago raising their own kids...

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I'm not capable of being the 'parent' that I was 40 years ago

Offloadontome · 03/10/2025 23:03

My parents sound exactly the same as yours. Always, always late. Always losing things - pretty much a bag, water bottle or coat every time they take the kids anywhere. Never have their phones on them. Forgot to feed them because they don't eat their own lunch until 2pm and the kids (toddlers at the time) didn't say they were hungry. Didn't think to change a nappy all day. My mum once did school pick up and somehow couldn't figure out the car seat (had been shown previously but they didn't have her very often), and because she didn't have her phone on her to call me, she put 4 year old DD in the front seat and drove home! Babysitting for the odd evening out was almost more hassle than it's worth because we'd have to basically do everything before we left, leave pjs out and instructions for the bedtime routine, honestly. It sounds like you did the right thing!

LouiseK93 · 03/10/2025 22:20

It was a close shave though!

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 03/10/2025 21:29

Previous marriage we agreed his dps were never to drive our dc anywhere... Mil wore her specs to help fil with the driving..
And mil never got out of second gear.
And mil had a cushion under her when she drove..

Toptops · 03/10/2025 20:23

Ok, I hadn't seen the update - glad you have agreed on this and have a lovely birthday trip!

Toptops · 03/10/2025 20:20

They did what they said but in their own way.
Your husband deserves his holiday with just the 2 of you and you have loads of time to get kid arrangements in place! It will be lovely!
Just wondering on reflection if you dont actually want it to be just the 2 of you?......

mdwitscga · 03/10/2025 19:00

Bella2021 · 03/10/2025 08:43

Thank you all for taking the time to voice your opinions and comment. I have spoken to DH this morning and he has actually said he feels like he's made a mistake booking the holiday especially after what happened yesterday feels like it is too much for his parents (even though they offered child care before he booked). I hadn't realised how annoyed DH was about the whole school pickup thing, which settles my mind that I didn't over react.

So the plan is to cancel the holiday and find somewhere more suitable where the 4 of us can go together as the hotel he had booked was adult only. So this evenings plan is sorted... just to add I'll be doing the school pick up today!

Good solution.
A week is far too long and you'd just be worrying about it constantly.

mamagogo1 · 03/10/2025 18:36

But they didn’t forget and for the duration you are away they can have the car seat in their car. It’s worrying leaving your dc but I’m sure it will be fine

Lollipop81 · 03/10/2025 18:32

Your overreacting. Maybe have a conversation with them about communication but other than that they did what they said they were going to do. You do realise they are doing you the favour here 🤣🤣

MiloMinderbinder · 03/10/2025 18:22

I think you really need this holiday :-)

GiveDogBone · 03/10/2025 18:01

DH has deliberately chosen a holiday without the kids because he wants to celebrate his birthday just with you. I suspect he is also doing it because he thinks you have attachment issues (as evidenced by your totally OTT response to this episode). Your cancelling the holiday would prove him right.

Whatwouldnanado · 03/10/2025 17:52

Change your plans and take the children with you somewhere fun together. When dh had a special birthday we took same age kids to a Centre Parcs place type place in france and all loved it.

toddle19 · 03/10/2025 17:48

I think you’re overreacting. They did what they said they were going to do. Grandparents dont always follow the easiest route to accomplish tasks with grandchildren as they don’t do it enough. Your child was safe and was always going to be, you didn’t need to make alternative arrangements.

QuiltPlantCandle · 03/10/2025 15:24

StrawBeretMoose · 03/10/2025 09:34

It is a fire risk but it is also not an uncommon set up. We are really strict about leaving keys right beside the doors and before bed I check that the key is where it should be.

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That's shocking to me! I'm not in the UK, and where I live I have never seen this set up and pretty sure it wouldn't be allowed because it is such a risk. My front door locks with a key, but you don't need a key to open it from the inside.

Catwalking · 03/10/2025 12:36

Age bracket of IL’s?

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