Who is in the wrong here. 16 hour argument.

I don't see why this was ever your problem to solve. She's a grown adult who presumably is capable of holding down a job and therefore should be able to arrange her own transport. If she asked you for a lift and you explained why you couldn't, that should have been the end of the conversation.

Are you my sister? My mum does things like this.
Once I had bought her tickets to a concert for her birthday. On the day of the concert my car broke down. I offered multiple different options as to how we could get there (bus, taxi etc) but none of them were good enough. We ended up not going. She then told everyone she knows that I had refused to take her to the concert I’d bought her tickets for and she’d missed out on her birthday present.
It’s fucking tedious. I’ve got more thick skinned about it all now. I just let her have her tantrum.

She sounds like a desperate attention seeker.
Tell her to start streaming on TikTok with the rest of them!

Please look up narcissistic mothers. My mother is exactly the same and it took me years of banging my head against a wall to realise that this was the reason she did x, y and z.

Tell her that you want the attitude to stop because you tried a few solutions so she didnt have to walk,and that was her choice.
Repeat about her choices and not expecting you to be a mindreader or to be in two places at once.

So at best she's a drama llama and at worst she's a narcissist. Tell the miserable bitch to do one. 16hrs of nastiness because she didn't get her own way is control freak behaviour, designed to make you drop your plans and do what she wants next time to avoid a repeat of it. Life is too short for this shit. Stop running around after her, popping in here to ask if you've bent over backwards far enough and start living your life like an autonomous human being, understanding that you're not responsible for your mother or for fixing any problems that occur in her life.

'My mum is strange. She likes being a victim, enjoys people feeling sorry for her if that makes sense'

Sounds like she expects you to be a mind reader too. I have a similar mother and my God yes, it is extremely draining

She won't change, or at least not for the better. You won't ever get anything right in her eyes, nothing is ever enough. It's sad and horrible, but can be quite liberating when you get your head around it

This may sound very weird, but you sound quite enmeshed with each other and very involved in each other's lives. Given the sort of person she is, it doesn't sound healthy. How would it feel to take a step back, be a bit less available? Make a reasonable suggestion and if she doesn't like it, try to live with her disappointment, and refuse to carry on the argument?

But the key thing - she won't change, and it is not your responsibility to look after your mother and anticipate her needs like she is a child

I really do not understand why anyone has suggested what you could have done differently. Or why anyone thinks that getting your mother to work is your responsibility. Or your partner’s. She’s an adult with all her faculties.

I am 60. I work. It’s my responsibility to get myself there. Not anyone else’s.

How do arguments like this (though personally I wouldn't call it an argument, I'd call it her enjoying an artificial grievance) with your mother normally resolve? Does she just carry on until she's bored or finds a new beef? Do you ever feel you win?

This is insane. Why are you involving yourself at all whatsoever in your mother's work commute? She should be sorting it out herself, what with her being a grown-ass adult and all. YANBU.

Not everybody has 2 cars I guess

It's nothing to do with you at all and I don't see why she felt it was your responsibility to get a functioning, working age adult to their job.

Tell her to piss off and get back to you when she's done with her sulk. Ignore until then.

Then id just disengage. Reply if she messages first, chat if she rings until she criticises you then tell her you're going now.

It doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship at all to be honest. Just because she’s your mum, it doesn’t mean you should put up with her treating you badly. I imagine this will get worse the older she gets.

Has she always been like this? What type of parent was she growing up? It sounds like you live quite close, which makes going LC or NC hard - but not impossible.

You don’t owe her anything. Yes she’s your mum.But she chose to have a child, you didn’t ask to be born. If this was a friend treating you this way, would they still be a friend? I appreciate it’s easier said than done, but I would stop pandering to her. If she starts trying to argue, tell her you aren’t discussing this further and if she won’t stop, end the call or walk away. If it’s text, block or mute for a few hours so you don’t feel guilty seeing her messages. Stop being available all the time. Why were you the one worrying about sorting out her way to work? It is good to tell her about the strikes so that she knows - but don’t do anything more and don’t remind her. At her age she is capable of planning her own way to get to work. The more you do, the more she will expect.

🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

I have a Mum exactly like this…the only solution in her eyes is for DH to cancel his GP appointment and ensure the chariot arrived in a timely manner at her house and dropped her at the door for work…..this of course will still be wrong somehow, don’t ask me how….but it will be.

Again like my mate. He has an open invitation to come here, I'm always happy to see him, but unless I give him a golden invitation he doesn't come, then whinges he never sees me. 🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

when he complains I just remind him he HAS a permanent invitation!🙄🙄

im getting blunter & blunter with him, but I don't think he'll ever change & I know it's based on his insecurity if 'not being wanted' but again, if it was my mum I'd be even more blunt!

Tell her the only way your DH (as you don’t drive) could take her to work would be by cancelling a much awaited and needed GP appointment and that was not possible.
you offer s the only other solution, an uber which she refused.
Ask her how else she thinks you should have solved her problem and don’t engage with the silent treatment, let her get on with it and put it back on her.

We have similar with MIL . She wants lifts frequently and at short notice from dh. We are too busy. We offer to get her an uber and that’s not good enough. Then I get accused of taking her son away from his family 🤦