Who is in the wrong here. 16 hour argument.

No she isn't old. She's still working, as are a great many other people her age.

I'm ten years old than OP's mother. I live on my own and do everything for myself. If I need to get somewhere I drive myself there or if it's a horrible drive I'll get a train, and if that involves booking a taxi to the station I'm more than capable of booking the taxi myself.

But then I don't see myself as some sort of victim if someone else doesn't organise things for me.

I just knew she would have a victim mentally. I agree with everyone else saying disengage @zebraprintxmasdinner , no matter what you will always be in the wrong with a person like this.

Well that’s a take! It isn’t remotely difficult to understand what’s going on from the post, I can break it down for you if you like?
There was a bus strike. The OP couldn’t offer her a lift to work (not that getting her to work is the OP’s responsibility anyway) as her DH (whose car it is) had an appointment in the opposite direction. The OP offered repeatedly to call her mum an Uber to get her to work. Her mum said no. Her mum now isn’t talking to her because she had to walk to work.

A 67 year old woman is perfectly capable of booking herself a taxi or arranging a lift herself.

She had good warning that your DH was unable to provide a lift for a very valid reason.

You're not responsible for her work travel arrangements.

I'd ask her directly "do you think DH should have cancelled his GP appointment so he could drive you to work?" I think most reasonable people would not expect this - her answer would be interesting.

Op you are a grown woman with your own life to get on with.
Same as your mother she as an adult should get things done and sorted for her self.
You seem to come across as a people pleaser and to be honest you need to stop it.
If she wants to moan and kick off like some child let her do it.
If you dont put your foot down now it will just get worse and it will drain you.

You need to start standing up for yourself. Easier to say than do but try not to apologise and let her stew. It's appalling that she did this shit when you were a child and has made you think it's acceptable, it's not.
I also wouldn't worry what her colleagues and friends think. It's what you think that matters and you know you've done all you can.

If she prides herself on being fit, able and active why is she complaining about walking to work? How far was it?

This
You are the scapegoat into which she is dropping all her toxic behaviour, she will ruin your life
You will never please her
Stop trying

It’s her responsibility to get herself to work, not yours.

Tell her to get over it, stop being a martyr, and that you don’t want to hear any more about it.

Then just ignore until she gets the message.

If you don’t manage expectations now she’ll be expecting you to do everything for her in a few years.

I am not going to vote either way because for all you are saying your mother is ranting so are you. It makes it difficult to understand what is going on. The fact that you need one of you to be right and the other wrong speaks volumes. You should both have tried to find a solution that worked rather than getting at each other. However I think this kind of disagreement is typical in most families. No big deal.

Perhaps you need a little distance in the relationship. I am older than your mother and I would never ask my adult children to give me a lift. I am perfectly capable of getting a taxi. Just don’t contact her for a while and if she brings it up again say that you are not discussing it.

If she has a job she needs to arrange her own backup transport option. She sounds very draining.

Let her

My mum used to do this. Tell her that you offered an alternative every day, that she knew you couldn't offer her a lift due to the GP appointment, and you won't engage in this nonsense any more.

I just need to say this: 67 is not 'old' and dont get tricked into her convincing you that she is 'elderly' and therefore making you feel obligated to do stuff for her on that basis. She's not 90.

Why on earth are some posters suggesting that OP's partner should have driven her to work early and then driven himself to his doctor's appointment.

There's a bus strike on and traffic is going to be horrendous. If OP's partner had done that the charges are he would very possibly have missed his appointment

OP's mother is a grown women, unless she has significant health issues she should be perfectly capable of getting herself around. OP offer to get her an uber, which given that she knew there was a bus strike she should have organised herself if she didn't want to walk.

She sound awful frankly OP.

I wouldn't rise to her desire for arguments. Just leave her to argue with herself and get on with your life.

If she contacts you or comes to your home and tries to keep the arguments going just tell her you haven't got time for it at the moment and cut the call or shut the door, whichever is appropriate.

As you say, this sort of behaviour is draining. You don't need that sort of thing in your life. Refuse to engage with it.

She sounds extremely draining. I think you just need to 'grey rock' her and not feed her drama.

This is ex what I would do. Starve it of oxygen. I would not be listening for crap from a grown woman who is perfectly capable of sorting her own transport. I would have a wee Google of enmeshed relationships op and see if it speaks to you.

She sounds impossible! I don't really see why you were offering to get an Uber at all!

For a normal adult, it should have gone like this.
Mum: OP, any change your DP might be able to give me a lift tomorrow as there is a strike?
OP: Sorry, we can't as DP has a medical appointment.
Mum: No problem, I'll try someone else/get an Uber/walk.

It's not your responsibility to sort out the travel arrangements of a working adult!

How long is the walk anyway??

My DH is nearly your mum's age. He wouldn't dream of expecting someone else to look after his journey for him!

This isn't on you, if you can't drive then, I'm not sure what she was expecting you to do. Your DP shouldn't be expected to chauffeur her around when he has pre planned appointments to get to and she could have asked her colleague who was presumably heading that way to get to work herself.

My mother was like this, it's depressing to have to deal with, you'll never be in the right and she's too old to change.
In your shoes I would leave her to it, disengage and enjoy the peace.

Hate to say it but have you considered that your Mum ticks the boxes for a covert narcissist?
My own mother is one, and let me tell you, you can not and never will “win” an argument against them.
I had my suspicions from your first post but after this comment about her playing the victim, I’m pretty convinced.
My advice is to realise that you will never do the right thing by her ever, she will always be the hard done by victim, and she is always going to remind you of everything she has ever done for you/be a martyr.
None of it works on me now, I’ve learned to just shut it down as soon as she starts.
Not everyone will have seen this side of her though, so a word of warning that once you set up these boundaries she will have even more ammo for speaking badly of you and gaining sympathy from others.
To answer your question though - you absolutely are in the right by offering the Uber and leaving it at that - but in her eyes unless you put her front and centre of everything all the time, you will never be doing the right thing by her. She will drain the life from you if you let her.

So she was an abusive mother. And you feel you have to look after her now/have any kind of relationship with her now because.....?🤷

Hint - you don't. You don't owe her anything, including your time and company. If she can't behave reasonably, why bother.

("Because she's my mum 😭")
Yeh. And she'll never, ever be the mother you want, need or deserve.

You're grown up now. She's an abuser you no longer need to appease in order to survive.