Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds21 and new “girlfriend”

181 replies

bluebot · 02/10/2025 08:07

Ds21 met a girl a couple of weeks ago and has seen her maybe 3/4 times.
Hes wanting to bring her home to meet me and sit in his room with her. Promises he wont do “anything”I’ve said no AIBU?

Bit of back story. All he does is live in his room when he’s not at work or out with friends. He does nothing in the house to help anyone. He has 2 younger sisters. He never really interacts with any of us, only when it suits him.
Hes had 2 girlfriends in the past year. One he was with for 6 months the other for 3 weeks. I feel he has no respect for the girls he sees. He always ends up falling in love (so he says) really quick then just leaves them and goes back to his mates when he’s bored.

This said girl he sneaked into the house last Saturday night and had sex with her in the bathroom whilst we were all in bed. I heard them!!
He sneaked her back out again the next morning. I was really angry, he’s only known her a week or so at that time.

I know DP (his step dad) won’t be happy about this. He doesn’t know about Saturday. He thinks ds treats the house like an hotel and comes and goes when he wants. Contributes nothing to the house and says if he wants to do what he pleases he should look at moving out. Apart from this they get on ok

So am I wrong for seeing no?

OP posts:
Original poster
bluebot · 02/10/2025 08:15

TheatricalLife · 02/10/2025 08:13

Time for him to sort his life out. He needs a job first and foremost and he needs to start do his own housework. No reason at all why he can't wash his own clothes and cook his own food. That would concern me more than the girl stuff to be honest. I assume, if he does nothing, that you are doing everything for him?

He does have a job. Yes I do everything for him which I know is my own fault

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 02/10/2025 08:14

He’s 21, exactly the time you gave these “flash in a pan” relationships.

Maybe the young women involved are perfectly happy with the situation. When I was that age I was sneaking men into the house, and didn’t want a relationship with any of them.

That said, if you don’t want him having sex in your house, you need to tell him.

TBH he sounds like he’s behaving like a regular 21 year old, a bit self-centred.. but not really doing anything particularly bad.

Moving out might not be a bad idea, if he has the means.

TheatricalLife · 02/10/2025 08:13

Time for him to sort his life out. He needs a job first and foremost and he needs to start do his own housework. No reason at all why he can't wash his own clothes and cook his own food. That would concern me more than the girl stuff to be honest. I assume, if he does nothing, that you are doing everything for him?

Original poster
bluebot · 02/10/2025 08:13

Aquickturn81 · 02/10/2025 08:10

It is like you’re talking about someone you despise op

not your young adult son

I don’t despise him at all. He’s my first born child and we’ve been through a lot together. I just don’t like the way he’s turned out or the way he treats the girls he meets.
He reminds me of his father and I don’t want him turning out like him

OP posts:
Aquickturn81 · 02/10/2025 08:10

It is like you’re talking about someone you despise op

not your young adult son

Lobelia123 · 02/10/2025 08:08

It may be time for him to move out and get his own place, or a room in a flatshare.

Swipe left for the next trending thread