Diet restriction imposed by school and father

The thread jacking by the pro and anti veganism posters is getting really irritating and it's of no help to OP. Give us a break!

Agree. This isn’t even about the diet, it’s about a co- parenting dispute with 50:50 care. The next steps would be the same if the argument was about whether DC should attend PSHE or school swimming lessons or a school trip to a zoo/mosque/theme park or residential trips etc etc etc.

Mumsnet is so very weird about veganism and vegetarianism. It’s quite pathetic, really.

Why not?

Absolute no chance. I would seek a meeting with the highest possible person who will see you and insist that your child's notes are updated. No way would I allow a 4 year old to be vegan. I wouldn't allow a 14 year old to be vegan! Your ex partner is a twat.

Definitely do this

Email the school outlining the situation and stating that she is not a vegan as she eats meat. It could be a useful paper trail if you need to apply for a specific issue order at a later date.

Is the father also vegan, if not mention that in the email to the school so they can draw their own inference, the reason he is stating she is vegan is to exert some control etc

Am I right in thinking the school are actually - having noted this on her records- refusing to change it?

if so I would escalate with the head teacher immediately.

The point is that a non- restricted diet is the norm. The school need the consent of BOTH parents with parental responsibility - or a court order- to deviate from this norm. Without that they need to revert to the norm of an unrestricted diet.

If the father wants to force the school to impose a restriction without your consent, he will need to take legal action to achieve this.

Basically the school have deviated from the norm & imposed a restriction without full parental consent. (Even worse, a restriction to which you could reasonably object on health grounds.) This is a problem & something they need to undo- it is not up to you to reach agreement with the father to change this. He - and the school!- needed your agreement to change it in the first place .

You could try setting this out in an email to the head teacher if you are worried about communicating in person.

You are both independently deciding on what your daughter eats. She is too young to make an informed decision either way, so this is something you have to reach an agreement on between you.

Compromise at vegetarian?

I don't think eating vegan food will single her out or give her an unhealthy relationship with food, but I do think it's silly for school to be going to the trouble of making sure she eats vegan when she eats meat at home.

Honestly I'd just inform the school that she's not vegan and then message Dad, "Hi, as we haven't been able to reach any kid of compromise on this issue I have notified the school that DD isn't vegan. Happy to discuss this if you wish."

And why are you healthy? I assume because you have bothered to read up on what foods are required to give the daily amount of protein and calcium needed, now milk, yogurt, cheese and meat off the table.

We have no clue what the OP’s father is now giving her if his Veganism is brand new to him. It’s a red flag and particularly because he has gone over the head of the OP and l straight to the school to remove dietary choice from her. As a mother I would be immediately concerned and I would want to discuss with the school.

Both my and my child are incredibly healthy, thanks for your concern though 🤗

Must be hard for the school being caught between parents like this. If OP complains to the school and they stop giving the dd vegan food they'll then have the dad storming up the school shouting at them for giving non vegan food.

Any diet that knocks out whole food groups needs administering, to a child particularly, by someone who has taken the time to educate themselves proficiently on the subject. If you think that’s just not true then I really hope you’re not out there feeding a child a restrictive diet with no clue what you’re doing and wondering why your child is looking unwell.

Unfortunately I don't think a vegan meal in a school would be very exciting. Schools are producing meals on mass and a vegan meal could end up being very uninspiring. A school cook is not a chef in a restaurant. (sorry to any school cooks but they are not usually highly qualified trained chefs. )

This x10000.
Id see a solicitor and consider what the future is going to look like; she’s only 4- you have a lot of co parenting left to do. I’d be keeping evidence of all of this incase I needed it at a later date in court.
This is about control - it’s quite dark actually that he is doing this to control your daughter’s choices and your choices. Have you considered this? It’s not really about the veganism at all. You need a meeting with the head and a solicitor to see what they’d suggest from a legal POV.

Brilliant response

It falls under the umbrella of a restrictive diet which only one parent has imposed in this case. It’s a red flag, as it was with many of these children but unfortunately the authorities didn’t get involved for reasons unknown but I could guess at.

No they definitely wouldnt side with the father on this.

No it's not. You said vegan diets need expert care and attention. And they don't. They don't need more expert care and attention than any diet.

And if you looked, you'd find a much higher proportion of NON-VEGAN children who died from malnutrition. But it's less dramatic and divisive for the Daily Mail to write about than people claiming to be vegan (off the top of my head, the stories you mention were about parents with very extreme diets - not vegan - things like fruitarian).

It isn’t the schools role to mediate disputes between parents.

Exactly. Both parents have parental responsibility. All that's going to happen here is a back and forth where OP and her ex keep swapping the information on the child's online profile, or changing her meal choices on the app.

The school cannot decide which parent they're going to listen to, and which they're going to ignore. There's a whole world of pain in their future if they do.

Seriously, who would be a teacher/HT these days? They're already overloaded and a huge fight over a pupil's meals is the last thing they need.

By all means contact them and say that she's not vegan, but don't expect that to actually achieve much. The safest thing for them to do will always be to give her the vegan option, and who can blame them if they're likely to face a complaint from a warring parent if they don't?

Or you could send her in with a packed lunch on your days and avoid the problem altogether.

Which is literally what I said. Read the comment you quoted.

Laughing is really quite twisted when children have actually perished from Vegan parents incorrectly feeding their children a poorly executed restrictive diet. The parents of Abiyah Yasharahyalah most recently but a simple search will offer you fuother names; Ezra O’Leary, Areni Manuelyan. Parents in Italy, parents in the US, Belgium. Potentially all well meaning but unfortunately caused malnutrition to their children and ultimately death.

I guarantee a lot of vegan parents know more about their child's nutritional requirements than a lot of non-vegan parents! When my son was small I had conversations with other parents about where our kids got x, y, and z from, and the amount of non-vegan parents who had no clue what their kids should be having in their diets was unreal. And I'm not saying that makes them bad or uncaring, it's just assumed that an omni diet covers everything when in fact it doesn't always.

Same with any diet, as long as you know what you/your child needs, and how to include those things, it's perfectly healthy.