Diet restriction imposed by school and father

Derailing this thread.

There was a thread yesterday from someone working in a school office, saying what a difficult day they had and is it always like this in a school office.

Here is a good example of what we had to deal with when I worked in the school office.

This issue is between the two parents, one of them has put the child down as vegan on a form, and now according to the other parent the school are "imposing" a restricted diet because they are following the instructions given. And some posters are suggesting she should complain to the school!

The school has done nothing wrong and the office staff will likely get dragged into it as one or other parent will be cross whichever way it goes.

But the mother can overall the father?

But the default position is that she has a normal diet.

So if the OP says that she DOES NOT CONSENT to her daughter being put on a restricted diet, her ex shouldn't be able to overrule her.

This!!! Just get on and do it. The child is not vegan, end of. Tell DH he can cook vegan but she can eat meat at school and at yours. What a prat he is.

No, but honestly that's not the school's business or concern. If the parents tell the school she needs to have a vegan diet at school it doesn't matter what she eats at home. The issue here is that the parents don't agree. The school is in a crap situation and they can't decide which parent gets their way.

The child is objectively not a vegan. Eating vegan food some of the time does not make a person a vegan. There is absolutely no reason why you couldn't or shouldn't tell the school this.

And children never die of neglect and starvation due to ignorance on the part of omnivorous parents 🙄

Its entirely possible to raise a healthy child on a vegan diet, just as it is possible to raise a healthy vegetarian or omnivore. Its equally possible for a child to be malnourished on any of those diets.

Vegan children in this situation will always attract more press coverage but there are plenty of malnourished children in omnivore families - they just don’t get the attention unless there are other factors in the story. Tabloid reports do not make good factual data for an argument.

None of this helps the OP.

@ByMauveEagle my challenge to the school when they demand the father’s consent for a change would be why they hadn’t required your consent for the change to vegan (or original form).

I’m also surprised the school has someone actually checking each child’s meal and blocking them from choosing something other than vegan. I’ve only ever heard of this being done for children with allergies/medical conditions (and not always then).

And @ByMauveEagle when you complain to the school, don't tell them that you allow your daughter to eat meat. Tell them that you do not consent to her being fed a restricted diet.

She can decide she wants to be vegan later, when she's old enough to understand what that means.

For now, her dad shouldn't get to impose his lifestyle choices on her.

Hopefully the school will take the same approach when the OP explains that her daughter is not, and has never been vegan.

No doubt. But it would be a dreadful process, hardly worth it, for something the child can decide for herself in a few short years.

That's easier said than done when you are dealing with someone completely unreasonable.

One of the basic principles of democracy is that everything is permitted unless it is prohibited. So where the parents cannot agree and there is no compelling reason why it (eating meat products) should be prohibited, the presumption should be that it is permitted. If the OP went to court the judge would rule in her favour for obvious reasons.

It doesn't, it shouldn't, but it's for the parents to agree what they are going to tell school, not for school to adjudicate which parent they will listen to.

So why does the man's vote trump the woman's vote?

Because she's 4. In this case she doesn't get a vote.

No, she's in the school's care.

School is a non vegan environment and she is a non vegan child.

So the only issue is that her dad is a twat.

How can you take equal accounts of both parents when one is saying the child is a vegan and the other is saying she isn't?

I am a vegetarian but I still agree with the mother.
The simple fact is that the child is NOT a vegan.
There's no such thing as a vegan who eats meat half of the week.
The dad has lied to the school to get his way.

But she’s not in her mum’s care either!
If mum and dad cannot sort this out, then the court will have to. Both parents have PR, the school has to take equal account of both. Currently, because Dad has said he wants vegan food to be provided, the school has to do so. If mum goes in and says that non vegan food has to be provided, they will do so, and on it goes!

By that argument she’s not in the mums care ether

I’m not sure on this one many people are vegan and bring there children up as vegan nothing wrong with with that

the difficulty is with shared care why does your wishes trump his and vice a versa

But she can eat meat because she's not a vegan child. When she's at school she's not in his care.

In this particular case, because an omnivorous child can eat vegan food but a vegan child cannot eat meat. If the father wants the child to follow a vegan diet when in his care then he should be able to. (I can’t tell you how strange it feels for me to be on the father’s side!) Incidentally, I am neither vegetarian nor vegan. I just hate the dominant anti vegetarian/vegan narrative on Mumsnet.

The main lunch option proposed by the school as part of a balanced diet is in no way equivalent to unlimited sweets, and I think you know that.

I'm getting a strong "I don't eat dead animals" vibe from you, which is fine, more power to you.

How about we let children choose whether to eat dead animals or not when they are old enough to understand? This child is eating dead animals at home anyway.

So you shoukd give your child unlimited sweets because they are capable of expressing that that is what they want to eat?

Does the child know meat comes from dead animals? I'm not sure my 4 year old did.

A Jewish child wouldn't be happily chowing down on ham sandwiches at home.