Hi All, I’ve a little issue that I’d like a second opinion on. I equally share care of 4-year old daughter with her father. She has recently started school and I just noticed that he has entered on her online profile (without consulting me) that she is vegan. It is on the catering staff’s records now and when she chooses a meal in the mornings she is being told “no you can’t have that you’re vegan”. She eats meat-based meals half the days of the week and has eaten meat all of her life. There was one instance lately of her saying “no I don’t eat meat” at home, but since then she declares that her favourite foods are “lamb, meatballs and sausages”. So, as far as the wishes of a 4 year old count, she certainly does not wish to eat only vegan food.
I fear that being labelled vegan will single her out, may affect her healthy attitude towards food (being told that some foods are bad etc), will confuse her when she is denied her choices at school, and more importantly will lead to her saying “I’m not eating that homemade shepherds pie tonight mummy because my teachers say that I’m vegan”.
I fully acknowledge that her dad can prepare any food he wishes at home. But when I am dropping my daughter off in the morning and collecting her in the evening she isn’t by any definition “in his care”. Without both parents’ consent, without a court order setting out her diet, and against her wishes (she is asking for meat and being refused it), I don’t believe it’s a school’s right to dictate to me and my child what she eats and restrict her to a specific diet.
I have suggested a compromise of dad asking her to choose certain vegan dishes on “his” days (the menus are on the school website). Or he could prepare her a packed lunch. But “dad” just ignores me. If I push the issue then I’ll be accused of all sorts: a bad co-parent, hostile etc.
Is this something I can/should do something about? I don’t want this shaping and influencing the rest of her life and being a label placed on her against her (and my) wishes. And I don’t want any instances at tea time where she refuses to eat the meal that’s been cooked for her with her family. If she gets to 12 years old and is adamant that she’s a vegan (or any other choice) then that’s a different story. But she’s little more than a toddler.
Am I being unreasonable in wanting to propose a compromise and to have the school record amended to remove the ‘vegan diet’ requirement?