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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it OK or icky?

37 replies

FattyMcFattyArse · 01/10/2025 22:11

Many years ago when I was 16, I started going out with a guy who was 21. I was still at school (and was until 18) and he was working full time. We married when I was 18 and raised a family. Now I'm looking back and feeling slightly weird about the age gap. I didn't think anything of it at the time.

AIBU to question a 6 year age gap between a girl of 16 and a man of 21?

OP posts:
TheatricalLife · 02/10/2025 15:10

It wasn't weird at all at the time. 21 was probably on the normalish end of the scale for boyfriends when we were 16. As I said earlier, nobody bat an eyelid at the 30 year olds so 21 was nothing.
I'm actually horrified at the older men when I look back. We all did look 16 at 16 in the late 90s, it wasn't like now with all the clever makeup etc. We might have thought we looked mature, but no amount of Heather Shimmer lipstick and Natural Collection eye shadow made that much difference. The only reason we ever got into pubs and clubs was because nobody gave a shit about underage drinking.

Chiseltip · 02/10/2025 15:03

Absolutely normal for the times.

People are a bit more twitchy these days,

SleeplessInWherever · 02/10/2025 15:01

When I was 16 my boyfriend was 21.

My ex husband was 26 when we met, I was 20.

My partner is 45, I’m soon to be 36.

You’ll notice there’s a theme, and it’s getting stronger. So I evidently don’t think it’s an ick 😂

Original poster
FattyMcFattyArse · 02/10/2025 14:58

We aren't still together. I don't know why I'm looking back at it now, but I feel i have a different view on the past than I did at the time.

Maybe it's the grooming gang in the news, or just different values nowadays than back in the 80s.

Some of my friends had much older boyfriends at the time, as some people have commented here as well. 30s dating teenagers is icky to me. I'm really not sure about 21, hence the post and wanting others' opinions.

OP posts:
Dollymylove · 01/10/2025 23:06

If you are still together and happy why does it matter. No laws were broken and its nobody else's business. Why wiuld you suddenly start thinking its icky?

picnicfuntimes · 01/10/2025 22:48

I had a 34 year old “boyfriend” at 17. He was also my teacher (college not school if that makes any difference). We were together a couple of years and lived together. Looking back now - definitely icky.

TeddySchnauzer · 01/10/2025 22:40

I’d think the 21yr old male to be a bit of a creep tbh

Dazzlemered · 01/10/2025 22:39

When I was 16/17 I was shaggjng a 30 year old! Lots of my friends had much older boyfriends.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 01/10/2025 22:37

Normal to date older in the late 80s, but possibly not settling down so young.

Gloriousgardener11 · 01/10/2025 22:24

Well I think it was more common for this to happen years ago.
I remember some girls(15/16 year olds) being picked up by their boyfriends after school in very nice cars.
These boys were late teens early 20’s
We are all a lot more aware of grooming, coercion and paedophiles now!

BlouseyBrowne · 01/10/2025 22:16

Nothing unusual about it, especially a few years ago.

TheatricalLife · 01/10/2025 22:14

I was at school in the 90s and loads of the girls were going out with much older men...me included unfortunately. None of us thought anything of it at the time -in fact we felt really mature. Two of my friends were going out with men in their 30s (!) at 15/16. It's horrible looking back.