Is it OK or icky?

It's less about actual age gap and more life stage gaps. Dating someone when you're still at school living with your parents no job sets a completely different dynamic to a relationship. If the other person and it is usually male has their own house,car and job. Ofcourse there can absolutely be a power imbalance.
When have 21 year old women been routinely interested in dating 16 year old boys?

Was the relationship a happy one? Did you feel loved, cherished, happy? That’s what important, IMO, not age.

I think that age difference is fine.

Oh god I think about this. I was 17 and got pregnant to a 23 year old. We were 18 and 24 when the baby was born.

My parents were seemingly OK about it i mean not happy at all but the age gap didn't seem to be their issue.

I'd have been so worried if that child had been in a similar age gap relationship.
She's 27 with a 27 year old bf and they've just had a baby and I still think they're really young parents!
Different times the 90s but it is definitely icky.

Same

I'm out of touch with dating but is the current thinking that girls should only date a guy no more than a couple of years older than them?

When I was young the big taboo was that a girl should never go out with a younger boy.

My Nan was 20 in 1945 when she married my 31 year old grandad. They’d met over 2 years earlier and been on just 2 dates before he was sent abroad to war!! Married (often unhappily unfortunately) for 58 years until his death).

Unusually I did often date younger lads in my teens and early 20s but I was quite immature myself.

Even in the late 2000s, girls 15-16 were dating 18+ at my school. It felt weird but I think no adults knew. I remember someone telling one of the younger teachers about a 17yo girl’s 24yo boyfriend and the teacher (presumably about 24 herself) said, “What does a 24 year old find interesting about a girl who hasn’t finished school?”

The most impactful way she could have put it. I think about it a lot.

I was talking about this recently I was 18 when I started dating my 36 yo ex.
Now I’m sure it would cause a hollarballoo and he would get hounding but then mid 90s no one batted an eyelid except my mum.
I was a mature teen and by 18 was already very immersed in the adult world.
I was a single parent working full time and living my own independent life, all of my friends were older and it was just accepted.
We had a fairly happy relationship with it’s ups and downs for almost a decade and are still now very good friends.
I was definitely not being taken advantage of and I’d hate now for anyone to ever look back at us and think that.
it was a different time it was what it was ❤️

1979. I was 16 and he was 21. To be fair to him he was shocked when he found out because I met him in a club and he thought I was over 18.

I had a 21 year old boyfriend when I was 16. Like many PP's have said he was the most respectful boyfriend I ever had.

It was much more common wasn’t it? I had a fling at 16 with a 27 year old fireman, lasted a few weeks.

Things have really changed. At 15/16, we were dating guys aged 18-21. At 18 my boyfriend was so much older I’m too embarrassed to write by how much. Men in vans used to beep at us in school uniform every single day - the culture was one where nobody seemed to view this as shocking. Now, that would all definitely raise eyebrows and be the subject of concerned gossip.

Surprised no-one's used the word 'grim' yet.

But she wasn’t an adult, she was 16.

My friend got married at 17 to a 29 year old man.

Far more girls got married in their teens which is pretty much unheard of nowadays, There were no single mums - it was common to hear of a wedding being "brought forward" because the bride was pregnant and it was very shameful to be an unmarried mother.

I was 17 dating a 26 year old for a while. He never pressured anything and I don’t think it was icky at all - he didn’t date other young girls after me it was not like he sought me out or anything.

unless you were groomed I think it’s fine. Girls mature faster and find boys their age a bit childish sometimes.

The worst thing about this thread isn’t age gap relationships, it’s the word icky

Meant "nobody would have turned a hair" - can you not edit anymore?

Wouldn't have turned a hair in the late 90s, never mind the 80s. Would give people conniptions now.

I was 17 in 1999 and my husband was 27
Most of my relationships back then were with guys at least 10 years older

Agree @CoffeeCantata

My first serious bf was 5 years older than me. Totally respectful loving relationship.

My parents have a 7yr age gap. Guess what, they are still together and have been happily married for over 60 years.

I was 17 and so was my mum.

This silly age-gap hysteria is a very modern thing. As long as we’re talking about adults age-gaps are totally irrelevant. Blimey - you can only date someone within 2 years of your own age now? Where has this nonsense come from?

It really depends on the situation, but if you're still married to him all this time later (and the relationship isn't abusive in any way), there's no reason to feel icky about it.

I found 'older men' (not teenagers, not immature in behaviour) more attractive at that age, as do many teenage girls, though I didn't date anyone until I was over 18. DH is roughly seven years my senior, and we married when I was in my early 20s, back in the early 2000s. I don't think our relationship is or was ever icky. There are probably cases where a similar age gap would be uncomfortable, but many times there's nothing strange or unpleasant about it.

ETA: Just saw in the update that you aren't still together. In that case, I suppose it depends on how he treated you, among other things.

The kindest most respectful boyfriend I ever had was 20 and I was 16. Didn't work out because we lived in completely different places. But he was lovely.
So it depends on the person.