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Original poster

Boyfriend has described himself as “pussy whipped”

191 replies

StrawberrySourpatchKids · 01/10/2025 20:11

I don’t know if im just being extra sensitive because im on my period and feeling crap in general, so I want some perspective.

my boyfriend and I have been together for about four months. We’re both 26. He’s sent me a screenshot of a conversation he was having with one of his friends this evening, where he agrees with his friend who says he’s “pussy whipped” and he shoots back and basically says the sex is so good I can have whatever I want.

this entire exchange has just made me feel really
grossed out, because I think that’s something I wouldn’t discuss with anyone else. AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
Illegally18 · 02/10/2025 10:49

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:32

My bad, apparently it's been used since the 1960s in the US, & was ironically used for Bikini Kill's album title back in the 90s.

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And Rod Stewart uses it in his 70s album 'Atlantic Crossing'.

ohyesido · 02/10/2025 07:05

pussy whipped usually means being held in thrall by a sexual partner and being happy to be dominated or controlled by that person due to the sexual aspect of the relationship. It’s usually a derogatory term for a man who is controlled by his dick for want of a better word

Coconutter24 · 02/10/2025 07:01

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:29

I think it's a rap term. Basically a man who's so sexually attracted to a woman, he'll do anything she wants, so it's like she's whipping him.

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No, it means he’ll do anything for the woman so she doesn’t deny him of sex. So he’s ‘pussy whipped’ because he’s controlled by the pussy (Urghh I hate that word)

Coconutter24 · 02/10/2025 06:56

Illegally18 · 01/10/2025 22:36

Yes, I thought it meant a man being controlled by a woman.

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It does, he’ll do anything she wants or asks because he doesn’t want her to say no to sex if he says no to something else

thepariscrimefiles · 02/10/2025 06:16

StrawberrySourpatchKids · 02/10/2025 06:11

Sorry everyone, I had an early night because I’ve got an early shift!

I think I’m going to end it with him. I’ve had a think overnight and it’s just not that good a relationship overall. I don’t know what he was thinking sending it to me. He genuinely seemed to think it was a compliment?

in any case, I just don’t want to be with him after that. I’m not stupid, I know people discuss sex with their friends, but I’d never do it in such vulgar or derogatory ways.

I think you have made the right decision. The fact that he thought that it was a compliment definitely rings alarm bells and his overall behaviour in your relationship doesn't sound great.

Original poster
StrawberrySourpatchKids · 02/10/2025 06:11

Sorry everyone, I had an early night because I’ve got an early shift!

I think I’m going to end it with him. I’ve had a think overnight and it’s just not that good a relationship overall. I don’t know what he was thinking sending it to me. He genuinely seemed to think it was a compliment?

in any case, I just don’t want to be with him after that. I’m not stupid, I know people discuss sex with their friends, but I’d never do it in such vulgar or derogatory ways.

OP posts:
unsync · 02/10/2025 05:52

StrawberrySourpatchKids · 01/10/2025 20:45

He’s, okay. Certainly not amazing, not awful but he doesn’t do a lot to make me feel special

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This alone is enough reason to leave. 'Not awful' is not a standard to base a relationship on. You deserve better. You should be with someone because they add something positive to your life and enrich it.

Shoxfordian · 02/10/2025 05:25

Yeah it'd definitely give me the ick if someone was speaking about me like that.

OneGladRoseTiger · 02/10/2025 05:22

Screamingabdabz · 01/10/2025 20:13

“…basically says the sex is so good I can have whatever I want.”

Thats not being pussy whipped though. Pussy whipped is him wanting to be with you and do what you want even if there was no sex. I’ve be put out too op. It’s grim.

Maybe it’s different where you are but that’s not the definition here in the US.

OwlBeThere · 02/10/2025 04:54

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 01:00

Yeah I think some people are being naive about how men (and some women) talk about sex to their friends (ofc without reporting back to their partners).

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I’m not at all naive, I’m very well aware how some people speak about sex and their SO, that doesn’t mean l have to accept that it’s inevitable or that there is no other way for people to talk about sex or their partners. It’s not acceptable and the only way to change it, is to say it’s not ok.

Also 26 is a fully grown adult, you aren’t talking about ‘boys’ at that age you’re talking about adult men and adult women. I had 4 kids at 26. Infantilising adult men is why they continue to behave like teenagers.

OwlBeThere · 02/10/2025 04:49

thelakeisle1 · 02/10/2025 00:36

No, it's been around for absolutely decades in the UK.

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Rap has also been around for ‘absolute decades’.

OwlBeThere · 02/10/2025 04:42

Crushed23 · 02/10/2025 00:53

This is completely fanciful. No 26 year-olds talk like that in private conversations with their friends. None.

When I was 26 (and still now, a decade on, tbh) I was talking very crudely about sex and boys to my friends. It was a safe space. No one was calling anyone out for lewd or misandrist comments.

The problem here is this immature douche thought it was a good idea to share a screenshot of such a conversation with his gf?! Yeah, you need to have a word, OP.

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It’s what my sons would say and they are younger than 26. Just because some people are crude and misogynistic or whatever doesn’t mean they all are.

BCBird · 02/10/2025 04:02

Why is he discussing ur sex life with his friend and telling you about it? Doesn't understand what pussy whipped means

ByQuirkyCat · 02/10/2025 03:53

If he's not making you feel good about yourself four months in he never will. You'd be better off leaving, but at the very least please stay on your birth control.

thelakeisle1 · 02/10/2025 03:20

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 03:19

Exactly. Arguably the newer 'simp' is used in a very similar way.

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Agreed.

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 03:19

thelakeisle1 · 02/10/2025 03:18

Yeah, it is definitely NOT a compliment to the woman.

It is a way for men to make other men feel lesser if they have actual emotions and think of a woman as a fully fledged human - it's to cheapen any emotional bond the man might feel towards the woman. Love? Nah, you're just pussy whipped mate.

It is a way for men to say the only interesting or important thing about a woman is her vagina and how much sex they get.

It is a way for men to make other men feel that they are weak and should not give into those annoying emotional connections. She's a useful and willing hole and must be described as such.

You'll never hear a man in a happy relationship who values his wife/girlfriend/fiancee say of any other man that he's "pussy whipped".

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Exactly. Arguably the newer 'simp' is used in a very similar way.

thelakeisle1 · 02/10/2025 03:18

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:42

Well reducing her to her genitals doesn't sound like that...

And 'whipped' sounds very negative.

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Yeah, it is definitely NOT a compliment to the woman.

It is a way for men to make other men feel lesser if they have actual emotions and think of a woman as a fully fledged human - it's to cheapen any emotional bond the man might feel towards the woman. Love? Nah, you're just pussy whipped mate.

It is a way for men to say the only interesting or important thing about a woman is her vagina and how much sex they get.

It is a way for men to make other men feel that they are weak and should not give into those annoying emotional connections. She's a useful and willing hole and must be described as such.

You'll never hear a man in a happy relationship who values his wife/girlfriend/fiancee say of any other man that he's "pussy whipped".

MeTooOverHere · 02/10/2025 02:55

northernballer · 01/10/2025 20:13

Why has he shared the screenshot with you?! Does he think he's being complimentary?

My Q too. In what way did this occur? Was he bragging?

LBFseBrom · 02/10/2025 02:52

Anchorage56 · 01/10/2025 20:14

26 or 16?

That's exactly what I thought.

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 01:00

Crushed23 · 02/10/2025 00:53

This is completely fanciful. No 26 year-olds talk like that in private conversations with their friends. None.

When I was 26 (and still now, a decade on, tbh) I was talking very crudely about sex and boys to my friends. It was a safe space. No one was calling anyone out for lewd or misandrist comments.

The problem here is this immature douche thought it was a good idea to share a screenshot of such a conversation with his gf?! Yeah, you need to have a word, OP.

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Yeah I think some people are being naive about how men (and some women) talk about sex to their friends (ofc without reporting back to their partners).

Crushed23 · 02/10/2025 00:53

OwlBeThere · 01/10/2025 21:21

Of course they can verbalise it

friend: dude you’re pussy whipped
man: ew that’s a gross expression. Please don’t talk about my gf like that.
friend: don’t you fancy her or something?
man: yes she’s hot as hell, but more importantly she’s funny/kind/intelligent/not a piece of meat for you to objectify.

It’s not hard.

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This is completely fanciful. No 26 year-olds talk like that in private conversations with their friends. None.

When I was 26 (and still now, a decade on, tbh) I was talking very crudely about sex and boys to my friends. It was a safe space. No one was calling anyone out for lewd or misandrist comments.

The problem here is this immature douche thought it was a good idea to share a screenshot of such a conversation with his gf?! Yeah, you need to have a word, OP.

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:45

3678194b · 02/10/2025 00:43

I've seen plenty of texts between men. Not in such derogatory, disrespectful terms, no, must admit I haven't.

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Well you probs wouldn't be shown disrespectful ones even if they did write them..

Plenty of men don't talk this way ofc, but I don't think women should have illusions about the amount that do.

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:44

Owly11 · 01/10/2025 20:47

urgh gross. He doesn’t seem to have a filter. Does he think you will be impressed by this? If my partner was talking to his mates about having sex with me I would be having a serious conversation with him and weighing up my options.

Tbf probs a lot of men talk about their sex life with their mates....but don't tell their wives that.

3678194b · 02/10/2025 00:43

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:40

How do you think a lot of grown men talk among themselves?

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I've seen plenty of texts between men. Not in such derogatory, disrespectful terms, no, must admit I haven't.

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:42

shuggles · 01/10/2025 21:25

@OwlBeThere man: yes she’s hot as hell, but more importantly she’s funny/kind/intelligent/not a piece of meat for you to objectify.

Is it not the opposite? The implication of "pussy whipped" is that the man has ascribed a queen-like or goddess-like status to the woman.

Well reducing her to her genitals doesn't sound like that...

And 'whipped' sounds very negative.