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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

414 replies

Savethewhales1 · 01/10/2025 19:09

I have an 8 year old DD, her ears have always protruded quite significantly. Up until recently, shes never mentioned them, nobodies ever mentioned them to her. She was recently part of a weddings bridal party and while getting ready made a number of comments about her “elf ears”. It’s the first time I’d ever heard her mention them and made me really sad.

I’d like to solve this problem now, as I believe it will likely become an area of great insecurity for her in the future and avoid any teasing down the line (girls can be cruel). I also believe it may be available on the NHS while she’s a child. However, I don’t want to make her self conscious of her ears if she isn’t and cause the insecurity.

So, AIBU?
YANBU - get them pinned back
YABU - don’t risk making her insecure if she isn’t

OP posts:

SALaw · 01/10/2025 23:44

In the 80s LOADS of kids got their ears pinned back. Now you rarely hear about it. I wonder why?

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 23:42

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:40

They are abnormal. Most children are born with ears flat to their head. My dd couldnt keep a pair of glasses on. Thats not normal.

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And plenty of people with sticky out ears have no problems with glasses at all.
I don't have sticky out ears but have problems with glasses because of my face shape...and that would take a basic reshaping of my skull to fix.

JDM625 · 01/10/2025 23:40

I personally don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with sticky out ears

OP, you clearly have never lived with ears sticking out further than average! TBH- I'm surprised you haven't enquired about it sooner if you can still see her ears when her hair is down! Surely that is a clue that they are more projected out than average/normal?

I'm sure I read that otoplasty (ear pinning) was the most common surgery for children in the UK. I would speak to the GP initially and go from there. There is no commitment for surgery by just enquiring and getting a referral for more advice.

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:40

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 23:39

They are only seen as abnormal because everyone else is getting them fixed.
This is the reason why women so keen on hair removal products etc.

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They are abnormal. Most children are born with ears flat to their head. My dd couldnt keep a pair of glasses on. Thats not normal.

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 23:39

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:35

but what if they are?

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They are only seen as abnormal because everyone else is getting them fixed.
This is the reason why women so keen on hair removal products etc.

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:35

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 23:34

Kids should not be little shits and bully their peers.
I think it pretty awful that a mother would tell her DD that her ears were abnormal too.

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but what if they are?

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 23:34

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:31

....................my kids don't bully anyone. what's your point?

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Kids should not be little shits and bully their peers.
I think it pretty awful that a mother would tell her DD that her ears were abnormal too.

Dishwater · 01/10/2025 23:32

This is a tough one OP. Is it a general anaesthetic? I don’t think I could for cosmetic reasons if it is. However, I wouldn’t judge you for having it done as I can see it comes from a place of love and trying to do right by her.

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:31

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 23:29

Some things can't, and kids still get bullied for it. Kids get bullied for being different due to autism. Please tell me what surgery can fix that?
Oh, how about telling your kids not to bully other kids to begin with?
Victim blaming at its finest.

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....................my kids don't bully anyone. what's your point?

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:30

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 23:29

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surgery can't fix that. If there was surgery for that, do you think the parents would do it? Yes, they would. or are you going to tell me they wouldn't?

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 01/10/2025 23:30

My mum had her ears pinned back as a child in the '40s.

If you think it's best for her, then do it.

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:29

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 23:28

Because kids can be cruel little shits. Why not fix that?
And again, what about the things that are not seen as "normal" that surgery can not fix?

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but surgery can fix these, so that is a moot point.

And good luck fixing that. My child is not the guinea pig while people sort out their kids

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 23:29

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:27

@XenoBitch oh and they can be fixed by surgery. So not comparable is it?

Calliopespa · 01/10/2025 23:29

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 23:25

They are normal. Ears in all their shapes and forms are normal.
Bullying is not normal, and surgery to avoid bullying should not be accepted as normal.

Switch 'sticky out ears' for something else that is not fixed by surgery. i bet you would be swift to suggest the bullies are in the wrong then.

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We all think the bullies ARE in the wrong. To suggest otherwise is non sequitur.

I guess though maybe op doesn't want the child to suffer for her principles.

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 23:28

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:26

They aren't. Hence why people (children) point them out.

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Because kids can be cruel little shits. Why not fix that?
And again, what about the things that are not seen as "normal" that surgery can not fix?

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:27

@XenoBitch oh and they can be fixed by surgery. So not comparable is it?

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:26

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 23:25

They are normal. Ears in all their shapes and forms are normal.
Bullying is not normal, and surgery to avoid bullying should not be accepted as normal.

Switch 'sticky out ears' for something else that is not fixed by surgery. i bet you would be swift to suggest the bullies are in the wrong then.

Show quote history

They aren't. Hence why people (children) point them out.

CharliesNan · 01/10/2025 23:25

Allthatshines1992 · 01/10/2025 23:13

What if the toddler's ears continue to grow and change shape over time though?

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This hasn’t been a problem for any of us. The cartilage at the back of the ear is trimmed back to lie closer to the head.

XenoBitch · 01/10/2025 23:25

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:17

They aren't normal.

Show quote history

They are normal. Ears in all their shapes and forms are normal.
Bullying is not normal, and surgery to avoid bullying should not be accepted as normal.

Switch 'sticky out ears' for something else that is not fixed by surgery. i bet you would be swift to suggest the bullies are in the wrong then.

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:25

Allthatshines1992 · 01/10/2025 23:22

Yours is the most intelligent comment on this thread. Well done and thank you for writing it.

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Some things can easily be changed and some can't. That's life

MidnightMummy · 01/10/2025 23:22

Also to add another reason to go for surgery from my own viewpoint as a child with the same issue, I hated PE and science pre-surgery due to the mandated hair tying up. It was HORRENDOUS as a child. Post ear-pinning I have a science degree and have competed in multiple sports, no regrets whatsoever other than not having it done sooner.

Allthatshines1992 · 01/10/2025 23:22

JaninaDuszejko · 01/10/2025 22:05

And what about children who have differences that are visible and can't be changed with a 'minor' procedure? We should be teaching our kids a) to not bully children that are different and b) embrace our unique appearances.

People with sticky out ears are not the only people who are bullied for their appearance. Do you think it's OK to use harsh chemicals to lighten skin or relax kinky hair, after all, some people are racist and you don't want your children bullied if an easy procedure can 'correct' their difference. Maybe we should hide away disabled people so they don't get bullied? Or smart kids so they don't get called a nerd. Or gay or lesbian or bi kids so they don't get abuse about their sexuality. Maybe we shouldn't allow children to have visible symbols of their religion so they don't get rude comments about that. You can't stop bullying by trying to fit in, you can only stop it by teaching your kids to treat other people with respect.

Edited

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Yours is the most intelligent comment on this thread. Well done and thank you for writing it.

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:22

Allthatshines1992 · 01/10/2025 23:19

My child's father has them. I think they're sweet.

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listen if hes ok with them then fine
my dd was not. she became a shadow of her former self once classmates started pointing them out.

Calliopespa · 01/10/2025 23:20

Themedat · 01/10/2025 22:24

Bit weird but I would base the answer on the rest of her face. If the rest of her is average or ‘less’ (don’t know the appropriate polite word sorry) then yes pin them asap.

If the rest of her face is beautiful then I would leave them. The most drawdropping stunning people I know all have some weird quirk. Really odd stuff which would look insane on an average face. But on their otherwise beautiful flawless selves it just looks amazing. I can’t describe it if you haven’t seen this.

I love the "drawdropping stunning people" typo.

Makes me think of drawer-dropping!

Allthatshines1992 · 01/10/2025 23:19

AngryBird6122 · 01/10/2025 23:17

They aren't normal.

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My child's father has them. I think they're sweet.

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