To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

If teeth are sticking out, it is likely to be a bite and jaw issue which can have all sorts of knock on health effects that are not immediately obvious, and significant crowding can at the least make it more likely that enamel will be eroded and/or teeth cannot be properly cleaned and all the issues that flow from that.

But to answer your question, if braces were suggested purely for cosmetic reasons where the teeth are perfectly healthy and functional as they are, yes, I would be against it on the same principle.

You don't introduce medical risk to a child's body for no good reason (albeit braces arguably carry fewer risks than an operation to 'pin' ears which, amongst other risks, generally involves general anaesthetic).

I can appreciate that sometimes a child has gone so far down a road of distress without successful sensible intervention and guidance that it may be the least worse option (and therefore reluctantly serves as the 'good reason'), but that is about as far as can be from the situation here.

I would be especially against it where - as well as a dentist having no health concerns - the child themselves has no issue with their teeth whatsoever and the push for intervention is coming purely from the mother's sense of aesthetics. I think that's a pretty appalling message for your child, and absolutely no excuse to subject a child to all the possible complications from an elective procedure.

I think there is more watchful waiting with tonsils than there used to be. I am sure my son’s would have been taken out in the 80s but he was monitored instead and after 4 years the situation suddenly resolved after a growth spurt. (He did need an ambulance 4 times over these years because he couldn’t breathe, so I’m not very convinced it was the right approach, but it’s an approach.)

My child a growth disorder and was offered growth hormone . He really didn't want to do it I was really worried about this and concerned about bullying due to height difference and now delayed puberty.
It took me a while to realise that taking growth hormone had to be his choice and that I needed to accept that .
Obviously if there are health reasons then then the decision making is entirely changed.
He told me 'its okay to be different: Kids are taught that and I think as parents we need to back that up.

Tonsils are still done. My son had his to sils and adenoids out 2 years ago and it was life changing.

You are making assumptions about me, but I don’t think you’ve understood my point. If you’re not bullied for your ears, it will be something else. Bullies will find something about you and make you hate it, even if there’s nothing wrong with it. They want to get a reaction, so they’ll pick on anything. Cosmetic procedures are no protection from this.

The way your daughter referred to them sounded almost proud, actually, don't you think? "Elf ears" is endearing, and if she were anxious about them I'd have thought it more likely she would avoid saying anything.

If you can be confident that she's owning them and they're not bothering her, leave well alone. She sounds like a great kid.

"If she says she's got elf ears again smile, kiss her and tell her they are very cute ears and you think she's beautiful. That is all you need to say."

jan If you had kids at school being bullied you'd soon realise that how ineffective and patronising that is. Kidd are nasty and secondary school is brutal.

This isn't making sense though.

The op's child is the one with the ears, not the one doing the bullying. She has no-one to teach in lieu of surgery. I'm sure she has already taught her dc not to bully.

What you are really meaning is the world needs to change - which it does. But it isn't going to do so while op's child is waiting for it to.

Purely just curious - would you be against children having braces if their teeth were sticky out and crooked but did not impact them in any way in terms of eating etc so it would be done purely cosmetically? Or would you expect them to just accept them and embrace them?

Interestingly, it seems like almost all (or even all?) of the people on here who've had the procedure done, including me, are extremely glad that they did.

We can absolutely teach our kids about acceptance of others and how they look, but the unfortunate reality is that there are some horrible kids/people out there, who can make your life completely unbearable. It definitely affected my confidence, permanently, I was worn down and miserable every single day.

My children don't have ears that stick out, but if they did - and of course only if they wanted to - I would absolutely let them get the op. I wouldn't let them suffer what I did, just to prove a point.

If she was my child did get it done ASAP. It's such a simple procedure and makes such a difference.

My daughter has elf ears, or what I have learned through this thread is called Stahl’s ear, and we are quite fond of them. Elves are always portrayed as the most beautiful in film etc and she has long hair to match. Since telling her this/showing her images of m quite proud of her ears I think.

I think big ears or self ears can look great, they add a lot of character to a face. There are a lot of boringly similar plastic surgery created faces out there.

Id have got it done as soon as I could've after birth. Why leave it and encourage nastiness when it could've been fixed as a baby

As a general comment, I'm also absolutely shocked by the number of people in this thread getting behind cosmetic surgery to an 8 year old, full stop, let alone one who has expressed no distress about any of her features and who has not had a bad word said to her about them by anyone else in her life.

Particularly given those circumstances (but in general anyway) what sort of message are we giving children when we say:

1. In order to be acceptable to others, you must surgically alter yourself;
2. This is a reasonable expectation in order to be treated with kindness and respect (even if there's currently no indication you wouldn't be anyway); and
3. You are not robust enough to handle any unpleasantness from anyone, so must always take preemptive, defensive action to make sure that you do everything in your power to avoid the possibility of someone being nasty to you.

No wonder there's a mental health crisis.

How rude. Did it ever occur to you that not everyone thinks the same things are pretty or ugly as you do?

I have to say that I thought the example picture the OP shared just showed a pretty little girl and I don't think I'd have particularly picked up on the ears if we weren't talking about it. If anything, they give her a nice, unique look that in no way detracts from her prettiness, in my opinion.

I think we're in Jennifer Gray's nosejob territory in that you risk removing all lovely uniqueness from people (especially children) with this sort of nonsense idea that everyone finds the same things ugly or pretty, and that everyone must aspire to the same boring, 'inoffensive' aesthetic.

Dull, dull, dull.

Absolutely get it done. It’s just the same as removing a huge mole or birthmark on the face or braces for sticky out teeth. It is fine to do small cosmetic things that will make their life so much easier and be less self conscious.

I’m surprised that the majority are for it.

I think it should be something she has to ask for.

I think hearing from my mother at age eight that she thinks I needed cosmetic surgery would be a blow to my self esteem. I know people are presuming she will be bullied which also wouldn’t be good for self esteem but it’s not a given.

And in that multiverse, things are great.

But we live in this one. So OP will just have to do whatever she can to make sure her daughter isn't targeted by bullies, like good parents do.

Be guided by your daughter OP. You're a good mum for caring that she doesn't get targeted or feel low worth about this particular thing.

It's not unreasonable for people to have bat ears pinned but I don't know at what age this is usually done. At eight she still has quite a bit of growing to do. Ask your doctor for a referral and take advice from there. In the meantime she can have a hairstyle that covers her ears surely.

Some children seem to 'grow into' their ears. Thinking back to when I was young, loads of little boys had sticky out ears under their school caps but when they were grown up, their ears looked normal and that was without surgery. Those that still had their very noticeable ears would either have them pinned or make a feature of them - Martin Clunes for example, they suit him :-). Girls can cover them up;

However get some expert advice.

Edi. This gives some useful info:

https://www.alderhey.nhs.uk/conditions/patient-information-leaflets/prominent-ears-surgery-otoplasty/

My lovely stepson had his ears pinned back and he was so much happier. Although he wasn't bullied he had very low confidence due to his ears.
Recovery from the procedure wasn't to bad and the op itself was over and done with in very little time.
I'd go for it OP

I'd do it in a heartbeat. Just like my DD will be getting braces for her sticky out teeth. Life is hard enough without being a target for bullies.

My daughter had it done at a similar age. She was being teased and also insensitive family members had mentioned it. It was done on NHS without too much issue as they did protrude quite significantly.
She was glad to have it done, though now she’s a quirky 30 year old and would love elf ears 😂

Whereas I have never met anyone with ugly ears. Just people with ugly minds.

This.

The more we intervene to make everyone conform to an arbitrary ideal, the more difficult it becomes for those who don’t. Let’s just enjoy the fact we all look different, and teach children not to be nasty.