To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

This is brilliant
It's all about love
Love yourself
Recieve love from your important people
We can then face the world with bravery

Life will be full of stuggles you can't solve anything with plastic surgery

Hi! I have ears that sound identical to your daughter's and as a child I was mildly embarrassed about them - mainly because my cousin (male) had his pinned back to stop teasing (I wasn't actively teased as they were just sort of sticking out through my hair). I didn't feel great about them and was pleased when my first born (girl) had ears that didn't stick out - BUT - when my second child was born with ears just like mine I suddenly saw them completely differently! They are super cute! As he grew older we bonded over our 'mouse-ears' and how they gave us great hearing and we even listened to a pod cast about how people seem to trust people more with sticky out ears - Barrack Obama was one of the case studies. My son loves his ears and I love mine too now and are glad they weren't pinned.

Elves are either cute or beautiful/ethereal (e.g. Lord of the Rings). If you’re going to decide on your own that they aren’t, OK, but that’s not in line with popular culture. There’s at least a 50% chance that the child meant it postively, if not more.
If we’re going to write fan fiction about feelings the child may have or things that may have happened that the OP doesn’t know about, we can equally imagine that people have complimented her ears, why not.
I think many of the people who think bullying about protuding ears is inevitable are the people who would have picked on her themselves. Children are raised to be kinder these days. There’s a 9 year old in nappies in my daughter’s class, for example (complex medical issue) and they haven’t had to be told not to pick on her. It just hasn’t happened. At my school, it would have been the teachers making fun of her, nevermind the kids.
Exposing a child to the risks of a general anaesthetic and to pain just in case someone might pick on her is an overreaction. If the parents feel that they have an open and trusting relationship with the child and that she would tell them about being teased, or if they can ask her gently if anyone in class comments on how others look, they could easily wait until it becomes a problem.

YANBU. I think nearly every adult with this type of ears would say they wish they'd had them pinned as a child. I certainly do. I'm less self conscious as I get older but it really did make me feel like I could only ever wear my hair down until my late thirties, I would avoid events where it was expected you'd have an updo, I would be embarrassed showering with someone, and mine aren't 'that' bad. To be bad enough to consider surgery means they're pretty extreme I think. I see people with medium stick out ears all the time and love them, I think they're gorgeous. But past a certain point they can lead to a lifetime of insecurity. Do it.

You made baseless assumptions first btw. I’ve not made baseless assumptions though. I’ve actually read posts.
This particular surgery has been offered since the dawn of time, I wonder why that is 🤔

Personally I would be really, really reluctant to get cosmetic / unnecessary surgery for myself or DC. Something could go wrong.

My best friend had the op before high school and it was the best thing for her. NHS too.

You are making a lot of baseless assumptions to justify this.

You have absolutely no reason to think she's made comments before out of her mum's hearing. You also have absolutely no reason to think she's had comments at school. In my experience, the first hint of that sort of thing is clamped down on much harder and quicker than it was when we were children.

Regardless, the go-to solution for prople being mean about you is NOT to go under the knife at the age of 8 years old. Jesus wept.

Yes, the 'surgical procedure' is cosmetic surgery, under general anaesthetic to alter your looks. And it's being suggested for an 8 year old. The reason you don't want to call it "cosmetic surgery" is not because that's not what it is, but because adults suggesting cosmetic surgery be performed on an 8 year old child so that they 'look better' sounds vile.

What next? Nose job for nine year olds?

It made her mum sad, which indicates it wasn’t positive vibes. It was the first time her mum had heard her mention them, there’s a difference to being the first time she’d actually talked about them. It’s a surgical procedure that is offered, and always has been. The girl will unfortunately already be getting comments made at school. As shit as that is, it’s reality.

"She was recently part of a weddings bridal party and while getting ready made a number of comments about her “elf ears”. It’s the first time I’d ever heard her mention them"

I really don't think there is any world in which that can be read as expressing distress. The first time she's ever mentioned them and she "made comments" about "elf ears". She's 8 years old. She needs bolstering, self-confidence and strong, reliable, sensible guidance. She should be able to look to her parents for that, not a surgeon.

"Christ, If somebody else had said that to her I’d of flown off the handle"

For good measure, just demonstrating that no-one else has ever said anything to her about them either.

It is 100% cosmetic surgery. It is a surgical procedure, under a general anaesthetic, undertaken for no medical reason whatsoever, but merely to change someone's appearance. She is 8 years old. Quite apart from the dreadful message it sends her, all surgery and GAs comes with risks - some very serious - and I think it is appalling to expose a child to that risk for no better reason than thinking your child doesn't meet an arbitrary beauty standard you have made up your mind everyone subscribes to.

I had the operation done 35 years ago and have never regretted it for a second. I was relentlessly bullied as a child (Big Ears & Noddy).
I had a huge bandage on my head for a few weeks, then I had to wear a bandage overnight for a further two weeks. I'm sure the recovery has improved since then and it was still worth it.

I can understand your perspective on this and I'm sorry to hear you went through that, and as I say, I do recognise that there are horrible experiences (and, incidentally, that adults can do whatever they like to themselves). But the reality here is that this little girl had mentioned her ears on exactly one occasion and, according to the OP, nobody else has ever said a word to her about them.

The idea that her mother's only parenting move for an 8 year old tentatively commenting on a feature of her body for the first time is to suggest that 8 year old undergo general anaesthetic and cosmetic surgery is utterly bonkers and horrifying to me.

For all we know her little girl was testing the waters to see what her mother might think of her ears and instead of getting, "Elf?! Yes, I've always loved your ears; I suppose you could be a beautiful elvin princess! Oh look, I found some pictures of some beautiful women on the internet with similar ears," or similar, she is going to get, from her mother, "Yes, I can see why they'd bother you; let's get you under the knife".

If someone ever IS mean to her about an aspect of her appearance, she is going to have learned from her mother, not to truly believe within herself that she's lovely as she is and that everyone is different and those girls can shove their ridiculousness, but that the mean girls are correct that conformity should be enforced and the appropriate reaction is to submit to the surgeon's knife until she is acceptable to the lowest common denominator.

Sorry, I know I sound very strong on this but I just feel like I've wandered into the dystopian Upside Down and am struggling to process how the majority seem to think this is a sane thing to suggest to an 8 year old child!

I’ve not mis read thanks, maybe you have though. She was recently part of a weddings bridal party and while getting ready made a number of comments about her “elf ears”. It’s the first time I’d ever heard her mention them and made me really sad.
That’s not positively. It’s also the first time the mother has heard her dd mention them, In reality, she has no idea how often she mentions them or how she actually feels about them. Children keep an awful lot to themselves.

I think you've misread the OP. The child has mentioned her own ears a single time in her life to her mother, and mentions them positively. The OP doesn't mention that anyone else has said anything about her ears. (The person saying 'elf ears' is the child.)

But she has though .. it’s says it there in the OP 🤷‍♀️
Pinning back ears is not exactly cosmetic surgery though is it? Not in the sense that it’s purely to enhance what is already there. Very different imo.

Fair enough thanks for replying. I still think if it was something really obvious I would just do it for my child as I’d just want to make their life as easy as possible. I know the horrible effect of bullying on my confidence and wouldn’t want the same for them. It shouldn’t be the way of the world. I totally agree we should all be embracing how we look but it’s sadly not a reality and people can be so cruel.

I'm not glad.
It didn't work and damaged one of my ears slightly.

They used to offer it, to children, on the NHS.

But, you’d best check with your GP.

Goodness, this thread has been a eye opener! I never realised people were looking and judging my sticky out ears so much, I just never saw them as a negative, and as I mentioned earlier I always took being compared to an Elf as a compliment, may be they were trying to bully me and I just didn't realise 😅.

I had mine done as a teenager and we paid for my son to have his done at 11 years old. He wasn’t bullied but he did ask to have them pinned back and was very glad he had it done. His wasn’t painful (mine was!) and we timed his to coincide with half term so he wore a bandage for a week or so, with no further problems. Well worth it!

I got some teasing about my ears in childhood, which I didn't much enjoy, but I am another one who grew into them in early adulthood. They aren't perfectly flat against my head now, but they don't look out of the ordinary.

My cousin had them done when he was young because of excessive teasing and the surgery didn't take - they popped back out again. He and I are both perfectly functional adults.

I don't think it's necessarily a foregone conclusion that her life will be better if she has them done.

What I will say is I don’t regret it at all because I hated my ears so much but I’m glad I made that decision abit older

I’ve always hated my ears and had them pinned back when I was 16 (NHS) I then had them repinnwd when I was 21 as the first time they actually bandaged them forward (which was horrificaly painful) so they re did them on the NHS again. I would say 8 is too young. It was honestly the mosg Painful thing ive ever had done and ive also had 2x caesareans. Try and get her confidence up and consider it when she’s abit older if she’s still unhappy

I'd gently bring it up in conversation how she feels about her ears and take it from there. She might unaware that treatment is available.

I'm afraid in my case @imbrocator cosmetic surgery was exactly the protection from it.

Yes, they might pick on something else, but you're removing the glaringly obvious feature which is making the child stand out from everyone else, making them an easy target.