To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

My ex husband had to have it done twice, first time the stitches were too tight and caused him immense pain so they had to take him back to theatre to fix it and he always said he wished he'd never had it done as his ears weren't that bad. Our eldest and youngest have his ears and they have never mentioned it so we left it and they are 24 and 18 now and have grown into their ears.

Do it. Your daughter's future will thank you. I have a friend whose young daughter had protruding ears. My friend had them done without a fanfare do it in the holidays and after a few days (I'm not a doctor) you can wash her hair. she returns to school no one will notice.

I had really sticky out ears as a child and hated it, there were hairstyles i couldnt have. It never occurred to me or my mother to get them pinned back but i wish she had suggested it.
i’m now in my seventies and they sit flat against my head. For the first time in my life i can pull my hair into a pony tail.

It’s not minor. It is really very painful indeed when the local anaesthetic wears off. I mean, absolute agony. I had it done on the NHS when I was 18. I didn’t have to make a case that it was causing me distress. Children also started making comments when I was about 8 or 9. I didn’t like it but I could shrug it off. However I didn’t really want them pinning back. I’d tell your daughter to ignore mean comments and see if the desire to have surgery ever comes from her.
I am glad I did it but it’s not a decision to be taken lightly.

My daughter’s ears stick out. My mum said she looked like a beautiful little elf. As she has grown and changed so have the prominence of her ears. She is 11 now and no one comments on her ears because they now ‘fit’ her face.

I would not let my daughter feel anything other than beautiful. If I suggested she should have surgery to ‘fix her’ I would be the one doing her psychological harm.

Teaching her to love her individual beauty will set her up for a more fulfilling future not cosmetic surgery x

All the Korean beauty and K-Pop trends mean elf ears are currently becoming fashionable, and I bet that's where the phrase you heard came from. In Korea women are having fat grafted behind their ears to make them stick out.

I'd wait and see how she feels as she gets older. It would be a shame if she missed out on her beauty trend moment. And who knows, the fashion may create a more permanent acceptance of her type of ears.

It seems like you have an issue with her ears not her. You need to let it go.

Exactly this.

Get it done my husband and his brother had them done when young and are happy with the outcome.

Having said get them done, I do think you need to figure out how to approach getting your case reviewed carefully - you dont want to go though all the steps and then be rejected, and have now created an insecurity that didnt exist before. I'd start with objectively deciding if they are THAT bad - ie that they do really stick out badly and therefore would probably qualify, or if they are just a bit quirky. My daughter was into gymnastics and had to have her hair tied back all the time, the stuck out at 90 degrees and she has a small head and objectively larger than average ears, An awards photo was a good visual argument for her case at the appointments without me having to say too much to the sensitive GP and surgeon.

When I was a student nurse a long long time ago the most frequent operations on the children’s ward were appendectomy and ‘ pinning back of bat ears’ . I don’t know if it’s still available though.

I had mine pulled back 40 years ago on the NHS, I wasnt bullied over them before it was done but there would definitely have given me cause for lack of confidence as I grew older. One of my later in life friends didnt have it done as her parents didnt approve. I feel bad for her and she feels bad for me so I guess it all depends on perspective, but in 30 odd years I have never seen her tie her hair back. Anyway the op involved a hospital stay and weeks of bandage changing. I dont remember it pleasantly but so glad I had it done - one less thing to stress about. Fast forward 30 years - My daughter was blessed with my ears - large and sticking out. She had hers pulled back when she was 8. The NHS approved it 10 years ago and GP appointment and one review with surgeon.
It was a day surgery so very quick. Watching someone have general aesthetic is awful so be prepared for that. Stopping her from itching under the bandages was irritating but necessary for a quick and infection free recovery. She had a week or two off school and then wore one of the ear bands in sports for 6 weeks after. She barely remembers it and her ears have been nothing more to her than a gift to hear through ever since. Would definitely say do it sooner rather than later, if it is possible and is the type who may feel self conscious because of them as she gets older.

I think there's some sort of micro fashion for elf ears, so maybe that's why the person said it. I remembered because when I heard it the other day I thought these things always become fashionable - and after all those people have been paranoid about it and had them pinned back.

I had my daughter's ears pinned back when she was eight. It was 36 years ago so she was lucky enough to have it done on the NHS. I also got her braces for her teeth. Both were to protect her from unkind comments and to boost her confidence, as well, of course, to make her look even more beautiful. That last bit wasn't the main reason though - I didn't want her to suffer from other people's unkindness.

I don’t know how you gently ask someone how they feel about a part of their body without giving a clear signal that you have an issue with that part of their body. I remember my mum used to say unprompted reassuring things about a part of my body that I didn’t have an issue with and it bothered me as it was clear she thought I should have an issue with it. And no one ever did bully me or say anything negative to make me think about it, only her comments.

I really think it should only be approached if she directly asks about getting it done.

What do you mean nice try? The same thing happened to me when I was her age. Hopefully she manages to change Schools without the people at the new School asking where she used to go to School and then if they know anyone there asking after her

Honestly, I think most parents in your shoes would feel exactly the same. You’re not being unreasonable at all to be thinking about it — it comes from wanting to protect her.
If it were me, I’d probably start by talking to her first. The “elf ears” comment might just have been a passing joke because she was dressed up for the wedding, or it could be a sign that she’s starting to notice and feel different. You won’t know unless you ask gently, without making it a big issue. Something like, “I heard you say that about your ears — do they ever bother you?” can keep it light and give her space to share.
If she does say she’s upset about them or if she starts getting teased, then I’d speak to the GP and see what the NHS says. Ear-pinning is a pretty straightforward procedure these days, but I’d only want to do it if it’s something she wants, not just because we’re worried about what might happen in the future.
If she’s not fussed, I’d leave it for now and focus on building her confidence. You can always revisit the idea later if it becomes a real source of distress.
So basically:

• You’re not wrong to be thinking about it.
• Try to let her feelings lead the decision.
• Reassure her she’s lovely as she is, whatever you decide.

I thought I would think YABU when I saw your title. But I really don't. My brother didn't have this done when he was a kid and wished his whole adult life he had - until he went ahead with it on his own and for his oldest, too.

@Allthatshines1992 Because it exploded last week when she told a friend. She hasn’t been at school this week because of it. Next step is removing her from the school. Nice try though, keep spreading that love ❤️

I'd just do it while they're young when it's not such a big deal.

Action it. She’ll thank you in years to come!
I remember my cousin getting it done around 8yrs old and even now she says she’d wished her parents had actioned it before then.

I had full on jug handles through childhood - that and our noses are a proper family trait. I would have had them pinned back as well, but I found out what was involved in the surgery and decided to live with it (same with the orthodontist that wanted to remove four healthy teeth and give me a head brace for a year to remove a 1mm gap between my two front teeth).

I grew into my ears when I got my teenage growth spurts - didn’t even realise until my mum noticed one day that my hair completely hid them.

I think you need to be led by your daughter on this. I’d sit her down and talk to her about how you noticed her comments about them, ask how she feels about them, tell her you think they’re gorgeous but what matters is how she feels, how she will likely grow into them but she might not and what the surgery actually consists of, so she can make an informed choice. I was perfectly able to make that choice at her age and she can too.

Edited to add in a missing word

Of course it’s cosmetic surgery. It’s literally just surgery to change appearance, not for any medical reason. It’s a terrible, terrible thing to suggest to an 8yo.

I had this procedure done as a child. I was in the doctors with my mum for something different and the doctor suggested it to my mum. Unfortunately I had the operation, had to have anesthetic and stay in. I also had to wear a bandage over my ears for the whole 6 weeks holidays and it didnt actually make any difference. My ears are still the same, I've accepted that it's part of who I am, my two boys have inherited them from me also and I wouldn't change it