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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

414 replies

Savethewhales1 · 01/10/2025 19:09

I have an 8 year old DD, her ears have always protruded quite significantly. Up until recently, shes never mentioned them, nobodies ever mentioned them to her. She was recently part of a weddings bridal party and while getting ready made a number of comments about her “elf ears”. It’s the first time I’d ever heard her mention them and made me really sad.

I’d like to solve this problem now, as I believe it will likely become an area of great insecurity for her in the future and avoid any teasing down the line (girls can be cruel). I also believe it may be available on the NHS while she’s a child. However, I don’t want to make her self conscious of her ears if she isn’t and cause the insecurity.

So, AIBU?
YANBU - get them pinned back
YABU - don’t risk making her insecure if she isn’t

OP posts:
MyLimeGuide · 01/10/2025 19:20

Elf ears actually sounds pretty cool?

SoSoLong · 01/10/2025 19:20

DH and one of his brothers had it done as children 40 years ago. It's a minor thing, just do it. But I doubt you'll get it on the NHS.

Llamasarellovely · 01/10/2025 19:20

I remember my mother mentioning this in the early 80s. If she'd pushed it I'd have gone for it, because kids do believe their parents.
Happily she didn't and I love my ears 😀

Uggbootsforever · 01/10/2025 19:19

Yes, get it done.

I have a friend who had her ears pinned as a child, she was pleased it was done when children didn’t notice the before/after.

I also underwent cosmetic surgery as a child for a separate matter and am also pleased my parents decided to do it.

Blappengrap · 01/10/2025 19:19

If your DD isn't bothered and she isn't being bullied about it I would leave it.

I was bullied at school about my ears and I had them pinned back when I was 17 in the early 90s on the NHS. It was incredibly painful and the recovery was quite long as I recall. I had pain at my incision sites in cold weather for over a year.

I'm glad I had it done though because people were so mean about my ears.

FedUpWithDilemmas · 01/10/2025 19:18

Elf ears sounds like such a nice phrase. Why tell her that her body is wrong and needs fixing? She can easily do it when older.

YourTaupeWriter · 01/10/2025 19:17

I don't think your daughter would meet the criteria for NHS surgery. Even you have referred to it as cosmetic surgery. Just let her be.

Poirot1983 · 01/10/2025 19:16

I am 53 and my best friend had this done when she was a child.

Tutorpuzzle · 01/10/2025 19:16

Yes, I agree with pp’s. You sound a lovely mum and, personally, I would get it done asap.

AntiBullshit · 01/10/2025 19:15

People can be spiteful, fancy speaking about a child like that.

youalright · 01/10/2025 19:15

Have you read the criteria there needs to be evidence of significant distress

MissMoneyFairy · 01/10/2025 19:14

I'd take her to speak to your doctor and go ahead with the surgery if she and your doctor are happy

jonthebatiste · 01/10/2025 19:13

It's such a minor surgery, I'd just do it asap in your shoes. Don't make a big thing of it, don't build it into anything it's not. I'm absolutely, 100% against any kind of optional surgery for children (I wouldn't even let my DD get her ears pierced until she was a teen!), but this I would do without hesitation before it does actually become A Thing for her.

Justcallmedaffodil · 01/10/2025 19:13

It’s very unlikely to be covered on the NHS unless you’re able to evidence significant physical and/or mental detriment caused to your child by leaving her ears the way they are. Even privately, it’s difficult to find a surgeon who’s willing to operate on a child with this issue, except in exceptional circumstances. DS has a similar issue, so I speak from experience having made a number of enquiries myself.

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