To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

"This is really, really bad parenting"

I think letting your child have to be self conscious for years and potentially get teased, never want to wear her hair up etc is bad parenting so we all have different opinions

@Savethewhales1 Op, if she had never mentioned them then I would wait, but she has. I don't know where you are but if in UK and near London/ South East I am happy to recommend the surgeon we used, she was fantastic, so kind. It was a massive decision so I feel for you.

My parents decided this for me when I was about 10, I had the surgery to pin my ears back and to this day at 50 I'm so grateful they did. I think they agonised over the decision, but it wasn't bad parenting, it was absolutely the right choice.

My life was an absolute misery every day at primary school with bullies and teasing - and I never told my parents how bad it was. A relative had the same ears and his life was also badly affected by it, he didn't have the op.

Maybe gently talk to her about it and suggest something can be done if she wants, she might be embarrassed to tell you if she's unhappy - or she might be completely fine about her ears.

Good luck x

My brother had this operation done in the 90s. In hindsight there was absolutely nothing wrong with his ears.
An uncle called him wingnut, and that was it. It became a problem.
My mum should have told her brother to knock it off.

It was a lot of aggro, for nothing, in the end.
He regretted having it done, too.

@Savethewhales1 our dd had hers done age 7 I think. Best decision, no regrets!

As an adult aged 34 with large ears, how I wish my parents had gotten mine done.

Kate Hudson did have her ears pinned back iirc

Easy to say when you are not the child being pushed to the brink of suicide because of the bullying.

I can say "Fuck you" because I am an adult who literally doesnt give a shit what people thing. At 11 it almost destroyed me.

The human race really astounds me

I get it, society sucks, but fucking hell, putting our children through a general anaesthetic and surgery because we're not happy with their perfectly lovely, normally functioning body parts.

I'd much rather have a child with sticky out ears who is unbothered by them Vs a child with perfect ears who thinks there's something "wrong" with their body looking a certain way

I'm not naive, kids can get bullied, but it sets a dangerous precedent imo

I would have said not to, to leave it - she is she and beautiful as she is, but I never had the issue - however, a work colleague has a child with protruding ears and it’s definitely affected that child as they’ve gotten a little older.
The child I knew who’d had the operation when very small (which is where I formed my ignorant opinion) has since grown into a lovely young adult (as she would have done without the operation) but has never had to struggle with other peoples comments and teasing.

So if it was my Dc with the issue then yes I would definitely intervene and try to solve it as soon as I could.

My DP has very sticky out ears, and I love them. He has never been bothered by them although he does recall getting bullied about them. I have seen photos of him as small child and they were huge. That is the fault of the bullies though, and I don't believe someone should feel pressured into having surgery to avoid being picked on. Maybe teach your kids to accept that we are all different.

Feeling the need to look perfect is fuelling this. Kids become accustomed to differences when they are used to seeing them. Imo it's the child's body so should be up to them if they have cosmetic surgery, get circumcised, ears pierced and so on

A friend had it done when she was 12, her brother with the same ears did not. As adults they look the same.

I do think most people grow into it and it's not as pronounced. How many adults with ears sticking out do you know? Maybe someone who had them as a child can give her a pep talk.

My advice is to offer to have the pinned back and if she's not keen never mention it again.

For me it would all depend on whether she is bothered by it. Talk to her about body image and insecurities generally and see what she thinks. If she doesn’t think it’s an issue I’d leave them alone. My sisters ears were like that as a child, they aren’t now.

Same. See also "there's nothing wrong with having hair on your legs" (obviously there isn't, but as a teen I was the only one in my year not allowed to shave their legs). Thank god they got me braces for my teeth!

I’d equate it to getting braces, also cosmetic. I wish my parents had of done this for me.

I would get it done for her if that’s what she wants because kids can be so cruel.

My dd18 has sticky outy ears. Not a single person has said anything. She occasionally says things like her ears are better for showing off her multiple piercings. She’s cute and I think her ears are too

I am Officially Old and was at primary school with a boy who had prominent ears. He returned after one holiday with them pretty much flat to his head, and was cruelly mocked. In the same class, one of the girls had very lank, greasy hair - it's called puberty - and I remember being present when her mother told mine that she had taken Valerie for "a light perm" to solve the problem. The result was a head of greasy frizz.

Perms grow out. Ear surgery doesn't. And people "grow into" facial features ... including ears.

You could get the procedure done proactively or you could wait and see what happens, both options are valid.
In the waiting scenario, remember that your daughter may or may not be bullied about it in the future. It’s not a given that she will be, and not a given that she will care if she is. She might even be proud of her ears. And if she’s bothered, you can tell her she’s lucky that it’s something that can be fixed down the line if she wants to, unlike the other children’s unkindness which unfortunately can’t.

Get it done sooner rather than later. These easy fixes, ears, teeth - braces, so easy.

Got mine done at 10 best thing I ever did. Funnily enough people used to flick my ears and call me dumbo. Got them pinned back and people didn’t notice they just stopped calling me names which I thought was odd. Very pleased I got it done.

I would leave it be and not mention anything to do with her ears. If she brings it up, I personally would say I love her ears. If as a teenager it is an issue, you can talk some more but always with reassurance that you love her exactly the way she is.

Many many years ago I was an au pair for a wealthy family in Europe. One of the children was born with a large birthmark on his face. When I worked for the family, he had a faint but long scar across his face. He'd had surgery age 5 to have the mark removed and had worn what he referred to as a mask for 6 months while it healed. It had a profound impact on him. It had been painful and scary and his face had been hidden or partially hidden from view for what probably seemed like most of his living memory. He had some very deep seated feelings of being ugly and unloveable - that he was so ugly that he'd had to go through all of that trauma to make him acceptable to his family and others. It was a good many decades ago and as far as I know he never got any sort of therapy with the surgery. I remember that he was most the lovely child but deep down seemed very very sad.

It was quite common to have them done on the NHS in the 80's.
Yanbu, if she really wants them done check with the NHS but you'll probably have to go private.

Don’t make this decision for her. It’s her body and by making the decision you’re essentially telling her that she is in some way not attractive enough. I know you say that’s not how you feel, but that’s how it could easily be perceived. To say any iteration of “I noticed this feature of yours and I believe that it is so unusual you’ll be bullied for it” is going to be extremely upsetting for her.

If your daughter is beautiful, she’s beautiful as she is. Everyone has a feature that they’ve been teased about at one time - often things that are actually perfectly normal. For all you know you could do this to your daughter and she’ll end up being teased for having ears that don’t stick out enough! Kids who bully are cruel. They’ll pick on any old thing and make a person insecure about it regardless of the reality.

Instead of trying to change your daughter’s appearance out of fear she’ll not like her ears, why not reassure her that she’s beautiful as she is, and teach her to find the security and strength inside to see off whatever comes along. Otherwise the only lesson you’re teaching her is that she needs to change herself for fear of other’s opinions. Anyone bullying her over something so petty isn’t worth a second of her time or attention, let alone her changing her body because of it!