To want my child to have cosmetic surgery?

I had really protruding ears, didnt have this done and was horribly bullied.

I got it done in highschool, paid for but deffinatley had significant distress and the impact of bullying still effects me to this day. I got it done in the summer and moved to a new school so no one would know me.

I was so worried my kids would have protuding ears, none of them do, but if they did it would deffinatly consider this for them.

And what about children who have differences that are visible and can't be changed with a 'minor' procedure? We should be teaching our kids a) to not bully children that are different and b) embrace our unique appearances.

People with sticky out ears are not the only people who are bullied for their appearance. Do you think it's OK to use harsh chemicals to lighten skin or relax kinky hair, after all, some people are racist and you don't want your children bullied if an easy procedure can 'correct' their difference. Maybe we should hide away disabled people so they don't get bullied? Or smart kids so they don't get called a nerd. Or gay or lesbian or bi kids so they don't get abuse about their sexuality. Maybe we shouldn't allow children to have visible symbols of their religion so they don't get rude comments about that. You can't stop bullying by trying to fit in, you can only stop it by teaching your kids to treat other people with respect.

I looked like Dobby as a toddler but if my ears didn’t end up growing backwards in primary school, I’d have 100% supported my parents decision to have them pinned back. They saved up for the op but I never needed it. I’d see it more as resolving a birth defect than cosmetic surgery.

Is it easier to get them done as a kid than as an adult? Genuine question

I disagree with this. I made a decision to get something corrected on my 4 year old DC. It's something she would've been bullied about and now it's like it was never there. I'd rather eliminate the cause and effect.

I wouldn't want to put my child through being bullied when I can take that specific thing away.
her mental health mattered more than 'not making that decision for her.'

i never understand parents (mums) who say the child can't consent. We spend 18 years consenting to things for our children. It's part and parcel of having children.

children need autonomy but they don't have common sense when they're young. That's when parents step in.

its changed her life. It was a strawberry birthmark on her face btw if that matters.

This was the 1980’s. They were very prominent and not helped by the fact that with a neuro muscular condition there was no muscle strength to hold them back. I am forever thankful that she said it could be done if he wanted it, and that it was done. He had more than enough to make him ‘different’ at school without something else for kids to bully him about.

Didn't King Charles have his ears sorted. Good enough for him.....

I doubt parents would deny kids braces or other treatment for overbites/ birthmarks etc. Same thing.

Do it OP, don't wait just go for it. Done and dusted by the time the child might have to deal with the usual cruelty of peers during puberty etc.

Easy if she come up with a couple of thousands pounds.

My child’s were done on the NHS 6 years ago, no question, the GP referred me and the surgeon just said yes fine we’ll do it in the 6 weeks holidays.

If she says she's got elf ears again smile, kiss her and tell her they are very cute ears and you think she's beautiful. That is all you need to say.

Mumsnet has sections that are obsessed with normalising unnecessary surgery for perceived cosmetic imperfections. To the extent that I wonder if it's bots or advertisers. In real life I know one person who was mildly teased about his ears in childhood (but grew into them and is a very handsome man) and nobody who has had them pinned back. You should not be considering putting your beautiful and healthy child through an unnecessary procedure because of your insecurities about her appearance. That is messed up parenting. She will not be bullied if you raise her to be secure in herself and teach her that how you look is no indication of your value as a human being.

I’m in my 50’s and when I was at primary school it was common for children to get their ears “pinned back” , it was probably up there with getting tonsils out.
Id have thought in the last 50 years the advancement in surgical procedures should make this quite a basic procedure.
If it was my DC I wouldn’t hesitate op

All the posters saying embrace differences, quirks etc, I completely agree and that's all very well in theory, but do they know what it's like to be bullied/laughed at every single day about something you can't hide? It's awful. And no, you can't hide them with your hair.

I was in the same situation with my DS. His ears used to her horrific sunburst every year no matter how careful we were with suncream. Got them pinned back when he was about 9 and so happy we did. Ultimately it was his decision but I'd 100% go for it if your daughter is anyway on board. There is some scarring but nothing major. He was in quite a bit of pain for a few months after but he will say now 6 years later he's glad they are done.

My mum used to go on at me to get my ears pinned back. I actually agreed with her outeardly but inside I was horrified that she didnt love me as I am. I am still pissed off about it now.
I never got them pinned and my head grew into them and I thinknthey look fine now and I think if I was then it would be better to do it as an adult.

DS2 has a visible difference that could be surgically corrected. He has been bullied for it in the past. He likes his face as it is and has never wanted it ‘fixed’.

if she likes her elf ears then leave them be.

would say to absolutely go for it. I was in the exact same situation as a child. My ears stuck out a lot and were not really an issue until I started noticing them as I got older. My Mum was like you and was concerned about bullying when I went to secondary school. When I was 12 years old I had them pinned back on the NHS and I am SO grateful I had it done. I did have to have surgery again 5 years later to remove further cartilage as they were sore and I do still get pain in them if I sleep on them, however I will take some minor pain over feeling self conscious with how my ears were before.

Sorry but that is shocking. A GP recommended he have his ears done when you didn't even mention it?
GPs should not be pedalling beauty standards to patients.

It’s many years ago now but I had my son’s ears done. In fact I took him to the gp about something else and they mentioned it to me. It was done on the NHS when he was about nine and I do not regret it one bit.

My DD is super confident. I don't think she would have been if we hadn't done it, that's just My opinion. I think she would have suffered as she was getting extremely self conscious about them and would not wear her hair up. She even wanted her long hair cut off to a bob so that school would not be able to enforce her wearing it up. We are 6/7 years on now and she is so happy we did it

Ah youve just brought back memories of when my dd had hers done, yes she was in a lot of pain, especially the first night home she didn't sleep a wink! It shouldn't be gone into lightly, do lots of research OP. We had to go private though.

Honestly I had ears like that as a kid/teen and they naturally flattened as I got older.

I'd let her make the decision for herself when she's old enough to make choices about her own body. In the meantime, probably best not to encourage her to think anything about her (still growing and changing) body needs surgical intervention. I think that could lead down a bit of a rabbit hole of insecurity as she grows up.

Ive worked in paediatrics and used to see pinnaplasty regularly when i started 20+ years ago. I don’t work where they do surgery now but when i did, it was very rare that it was done. Criteria was tightened up. I’m not saying it’s not available on the NHS but rarely.

Also it’s not minor, it can be painful. It can also fail and have to be redone. It was done under general too.

This.
And teaching her that if she gets bullied then she is the one that has to change.

Surely she is still ‘beautiful’? Sometimes having a feature which isn’t bog standard makes you even more beautiful if that’s what you’re focussed on? Women have so much more to them than just being beautiful. If she hates it when she can give proper consent, then it’s a relatively simple and quick procedure to do. She’s only eight, give her a bit of time before you start to impose beauty standards on her. She’s only noticed hers are slightly different, not bad. Some people are taller than average, some have bigger feet, some have more freckles. Different isn’t bad, and people will mock you for whatever.

Why do you want to teach your daughter that she's not pretty enough as she is?