Smear test - is it normal to find leaves and twigs?

I’ve only had sex with one man, definitely no opportunity or inclination for cheating, but I have had HPV. I’ve had lots of transvaginal ultrasounds in the past and gyne surgery/c-section in the past so it’s my view that one of those is the most likely cause.

You usually have sex with someone you know and is familiar with your body.
Totally different to a nurse you have never met.

This thread has been a bit of an eye opener. Really sorry to read the traumatic experiences some have had. My tests have always been slightly painful but over quickly and better than having cancer. I had precancerous cells removed 10 years ago in my mid 30s and have had regular tests since then. Next one is due next year and hope it’s no worse now I’m in perimenopause.

Same, but for some reason I was 50 before anyone had actually told me this! (I don't have kids, so it had never come up in that context.) Nurse advised me to do the 'make fists and put them under you' thing and it was bearable then. Just.

I think you need to advocate for yourself next time Calypso and ask for your smear to be done by a gynaecologist or a colposcopy nurse/practitioner given the pain and bleeding you experienced last time. Just say I won't have another one unless it's done by an expert. The GP/practice nurse is a jack of all trades master of none. I'm sorry that happened to you though it sounds truly awful.
I've been back and forth to colposcopy since my 20s so unfortunately I'm a pro at having smears done. I had to have one every year for 10 years at one point so my fanny has been stretched to buggery. 😂
Thanks @User748937744 for highlighting this for others. Maybe if I'd not had preventative treatment on my cervix when I was in my twenties I'd not be here to tell the tale of my stretched out fanny. 😂

My breast cancer was found at 33 on MRI. Had I not had it then it wouldn't have been found for a while. Nobody even senior consultants could feel anything. I always encourage anyone to go for any screening offered male or female. My husband is eligible for PSA testing, he was initially unsure until I reminded him of how my routine screening saved my life. It was him that reminded me that I was overdue on the annual MRI. So if I can support him for his male related screening then job done.

Without wanting to TMI you, in some cases it can be a case of a penis being painful as well, if penetration is attempted too soon. Especially if someone's never given birth.

If your cervix is tilted you tend to have a more painful smear. Mine is tilted back and my smears have always been painful as the nurse takes ages to find it.

You really need to educate yourself on what HPV is and how it works because you're wrong to the point of putting your life at risk.

In my case, someone sees it every 5 years to put a coil in. If HPV were to spontaneously appear I’d go for another physical check but no need due to coil fittings. I’m happy with this, now NHS no longer look at cells.

It’s not the speculum that’s the painful part for me though, I have no issue with that. It’s the scraping of the cervix with the brush that makes me double up. I have always described it as how I think men must feel if they’re kicked in the balls, a deep ache that remains for hours.

Not always as easy as that, OP. I'm currently finding myself in the middle of a farcical situation that's left me feeling like like someone who wants to show medical professionals their private parts for nefarious purposes.

I'm a wheelchair user. I cannot stand or walk. I can side-along transfer or alternatively I am hoisted when side-along isnt possible (this is relevant). For a side-along transfer to be successful I need to be transferring at the same height as my wheelchair (this is also relevant). If the heights arent roughly the same then it becomes a huge risk. The dedicated 'gynae room' at my GP surgery is upstairs (This is also relevant). And they dont have a lift. What they do have are downstairs rooms with height adjustable couches.

So I ring to book my latest smear. 'OK Miss Lights Out, that's all booked and you'll be in Room 1 upstairs'

Me. I'm a wheelchair user. I cant do steps or stairs. Can you please book one of the downstairs rooms with a height adjustable couch

Surgery (with much sucking in of air between teeth): We do all female appointments in the dedicated room upstairs. Sorry but we can't prebook one of the downstairs rooms.

So this goes back and forth a few times. At one point a suggestion is made that a nurse comes to my house to do it. Absolutely no way is this happening. After more back and forth, the GP surgery end up referring me to gynaecology at the hospital who unsurprisingly refuse the referral saying this is an issue for primary care.

Much more sucking in of air between teeth and get the practice manager involved in the end who after even more huffing and puffing reluctantly agrees to book the downstairs room with the height adjustable bed 'even though this isnt something we usually do but we will make an exception just this once'. Now I'm really feeling like some kind of pervert.

Turn up for the appointment and do their sign in screen thing. Guess where the appointment is? Yep, room f***g one. I felt like saying that a smear was undignified enough as it was, but crawling up 2 flights of stairs would just top it off. I didnt though. Surely I cant be the only fanny-owning, wheelchair user on the books of my GP surgery.

I'm now in the position of having to pay privately for a DIY hpv test because my GP surgery dont seem to give a damn.

I'm 63 and decided after the last attempt to have a test that it wasn't worth the trauma . More like sexual assault than a medical procedure. That was about seven years ago. It's basically the same method as it was 70 years ago. Sister is a couple of years younger and has pulled out too. We aren't offered even the minimal sedation that you'd have at the dentist. It's not uncomfortable post-menopause, it's absolute tearing agony. There ought to be proper research into why women in my cohort are stopping, after decades of trotting along to the surgery quite happily. But all we get is the utter patronising bilge of Don't Fear the Smear.

I have vaginismus, most likely as a result of sexual abuse I went through as a child. I'm 40 and have been to two smear tests in my life, both were horrendous and neither were successful in getting a sample. Worse still, the staff conducting them were painfully ill equipped to deal with the trauma wounds re-opened for me and there was nothing in the way of follow up care.

So it really pisses me off when I see other women going 'oh, every woman should do it, it's so easy and painless, I promise!" I know your intentions are good, but your experience is not going to be the same as someone with sexual trauma, so a bit of sensitivity needs to be applied.

I think what really upsets me is that no NHS staff I've spoken to about this are willing to give me an honest answer on whether or not I need smear tests, and nobody at my GP surgery is willing to take me off the system for alerts. I don't have penetrative sex, I think I've tried two or three times in my life (in my twenties) and it's never happened for me. So I'm pretty sure the risk of HPV is vanishingly tiny, yet every year like clockwork despite me repeatedly telling them not to contact me, I'll start getting texts urging me to book an appointment.

IMO it's also not a bad idea to raise awareness of the fact that smears are painful for some women. Yes smears are essential, but imo if someone's not had one before, it's better to be prepared for the fact that they might experience more than the 'mild discomfort' people wang on about, and may need to make the clinician aware of this so they can help.

I've given birth to three children with no medication, and I honestly don't find labour painful.

Uncomfortable, yes, bur definitely not painful.

Also it took me between 20-45 minutes for each child.

I hope other women reading this will realise they should stop listening to scare stories about childbirth hurting.

...or maybe people are different. Just a thought

It’s not enough though. You’re not looking at your actual cervix whilst doing the self testing. Yes it’s ok for HPV checks but it’s not as good or as thorough as seeing a nurse

Jesus. How many penises have you had in your cervix? Your comment is breathtakingly ignorant.

OP my experience is horrible but I still go and would strongly encourage any woman to do the same. Well done for bringing up that it’s a breeze for some. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for putting any woman off.

My first smear was agony and the nurse gave up in the end and referred me to the doctor as she couldn't see my cervix. It really winds me up when people make out that women who avoid them are just being silly or embarrassed. For some people they are painful. That's not to say you shouldn't go but some understanding from the NHS that you might actually need some support or pain relief would be helpful.

I am not happy to have a penis up there either.

I’ve never found it painful and don’t understand why so many people are happy to have a penis up there but not a speculum?!