Page 4 | Am I ungrateful because DP didn’t buy the calendar I wanted before it sold out?

Gillinggold · 2025-10-01T16:28:22+00:00

I had a shit week last week and DP knew I was browsing beauty calendar’s. He asked which one I liked and I told him the name of the one I was going to buy. He told me not to buy it and that he’d treat me to it as one of his Christmas presents to me. I was really grateful and said it sells out quick so to be aware of that. Lo and behold, he’s gone to buy it and it’s sold out and not coming back in stock. I was annoyed, said I really had my eye on it and would have happily brought it myself as originally intended. He says I’m being ungrateful and that it’s not his fault. Well, I told him he’d need to get a move on at the time and feel really annoyed now….

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 05/10/2025 16:10

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DeltaC · 05/10/2025 16:08

@PinkArt

Maybe having a severely autistic child and a wife who started uni at 32 and has a PhD while raising an autistic child with a husband with a travelling job, just makes my tolerance for frivolities like this very very low …

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 05/10/2025 16:05

DeltaC · 05/10/2025 16:03

No one is saying it was not important to her. But growing up also involves knowing that the world does not revolve around you. I love football too but I don’t let it make me so unreasonable that I would choose to miss my sister’s wedding… I know someone who was prepared to do so … and the dates had to be changed. We are only hearing one side of the story , it would have been good to hear what Mr’s mind set was , what was happening, if and why he delayed etc etc … the fact that she is pissed off by such a small thing means there is something deeper in this relationship that we have not been told …

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No one is saying it was not important to her. But growing up also involves knowing that the world does not revolve around you.

Wow, you sound like a real catch. Do you say things like this to your own wife or do you just think them?

DeltaC · 05/10/2025 16:03

PinkArt · 05/10/2025 15:10

It was important to her, therefore it should have been important to her partner, because she is important to him. I don't give a shit about football but my dad does - I therefore understand what a big deal something like going to Wembley was for him and wouldn't have dismissed it as trivial. That would be treating someone with no respect.
People are pissing on the OP's chips because it's 'only' a beauty advent calendar. But it's a specific thing that she'll have spent time researching, to find the one with the most products she wanted to use in, that would have brought a bit of enjoyment for months.
He messed up and instead of apologising for not listening to her he told her she should be grateful for his actions, when those actions mean she doesn't now have the 'trivial' thing she wanted. I'm not sure what about his actions, in this specific instance as the only insight we have into their relationship, warrants respect.

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No one is saying it was not important to her. But growing up also involves knowing that the world does not revolve around you. I love football too but I don’t let it make me so unreasonable that I would choose to miss my sister’s wedding… I know someone who was prepared to do so … and the dates had to be changed. We are only hearing one side of the story , it would have been good to hear what Mr’s mind set was , what was happening, if and why he delayed etc etc … the fact that she is pissed off by such a small thing means there is something deeper in this relationship that we have not been told …

PinkArt · 05/10/2025 15:10

DeltaC · 05/10/2025 13:43

I am being specific to this person not generalising. She went to town about nothing really. All I am saying is if you want to be treated with respect, treat others with respect and that means accepting when your partner falls short especially in trivial things like this.

It was important to her, therefore it should have been important to her partner, because she is important to him. I don't give a shit about football but my dad does - I therefore understand what a big deal something like going to Wembley was for him and wouldn't have dismissed it as trivial. That would be treating someone with no respect.
People are pissing on the OP's chips because it's 'only' a beauty advent calendar. But it's a specific thing that she'll have spent time researching, to find the one with the most products she wanted to use in, that would have brought a bit of enjoyment for months.
He messed up and instead of apologising for not listening to her he told her she should be grateful for his actions, when those actions mean she doesn't now have the 'trivial' thing she wanted. I'm not sure what about his actions, in this specific instance as the only insight we have into their relationship, warrants respect.

DeltaC · 05/10/2025 13:46

purpleygirl · 05/10/2025 09:12

Mistakes happen sometimes. Things are moved by other shoppers so they’re not in the right pile and it’s easy to look at the label on the shelf and pick up something you think is what you’re looking for only to find when you get home but it’s not. It’s happened in our household.🤷🏼‍♀️

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I guess some people are perfect … linguine and spaghetti look remarkably similar in a cardboard package with a small plastic window if they are from the same brand.

DeltaC · 05/10/2025 13:43

I am being specific to this person not generalising. She went to town about nothing really. All I am saying is if you want to be treated with respect, treat others with respect and that means accepting when your partner falls short especially in trivial things like this.

Lalalolls · 05/10/2025 13:33

Hi, I don’t mean to tar all men with the same brush …but they really don’t seem to get this kind of urgency …these calendars are like gold dust & the make so few to keep it that way and keep them special…& they don’t want to be left with them either! Yes they are expensive, but one buys what they can afford and some people can afford them and they are a super way to try a bunch of new products yearly when you are time short and money rich.. so each to their own… My advice would be re your partner…if you came on here to complain about this you already know there’s warning signs …. Go with your gut , being with someone who doesn’t want the best for you, won’t get better with time… life is tough and you want someone who sees you and your needs and you his by your side imo …
old married woman opion 😊

Doubleraspberry · 05/10/2025 13:07

I’d say that’s your subjective opinion of posts on here actually.

Bongani · 05/10/2025 13:00

Doubleraspberry · 05/10/2025 04:59

I don’t think that comment was drawn directly from Maslow - but of course you could place buying yourself something you specifically want as a treat, or having it bought for you, within the bands. You just need to apply some insight into what actually happened here and why the OP feels as she does. Something many posters on this thread appear unable to do.

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What is happening is the OP is being Subjective and many of the others are being Objective.

EarthlyNightshade · 05/10/2025 12:45

JoyousTern · 05/10/2025 11:26

Grow up. Buy your own. 🤣🤣

Do you speak like this in real life?

AdultHumanFemaleOne · 05/10/2025 12:39

zeebra · 01/10/2025 17:33

I seem to be the only one but give him a break- it is the 1st October! It is still a long way from Christmas so I can understand his lack of urgency.

I think showing one's partner that you care about them should have a sense of urgency

AdultHumanFemaleOne · 05/10/2025 12:29

DeltaC · 04/10/2025 23:44

So you think OP partner deliberately didn’t get her what she wanted? I can tell you in my case, I didn’t, but she assumed I did. If people are so petty, it explains a lot. If you want to be treated like a queen, then show queen behaviour…i.e. being above persnicketiness …. guy offered in good faith , guy honestly failed … move on

You Know how history of caring for her? Sounds to me this is symptomatic of how he treats her. So I know his history? No. But I know the attitude that many men commonly have

AdultHumanFemaleOne · 05/10/2025 12:27

Sherrijames138 · 04/10/2025 23:31

Sorry but I feel like you're definitely being ungrateful and materialistic because you're focused SOLELY on what you didn't get and how that made you feel.

From your husband's point of view, it probably felt like he was trying to do something thoughtful and generous by offering to buy the beauty calendar for you. That gesture came from a place of love — wanting to treat you and take something off your plate. When it sold out, it likely frustrated him too, as he planned on getting it for you as a gift, and went to the store to do so. Hearing your disappointment probably felt like criticism of his effort.

From this angle, he may see your reaction as focusing more on the missed item than on the intention behind the gift. To him, being told "I would’ve bought it myself" could sound like you're disregarding the fact that he was trying to do something nice — even if the timing didn’t work out.

So when he says you’re being ungrateful, it isn't so much about the beauty calendar itself, but how he felt dismissed after trying to do something kind for you and the fact that your reaction was based on his inability to buy you a material object that, in the grand scheme of your relationship, is far less valuable than having a partner that wants to make you happy when life is going a bit rough.

Really? Because we know that in general men really care about what they partner wants/sarcasm

PinkArt · 05/10/2025 12:26

JoyousTern · 05/10/2025 11:26

Grow up. Buy your own. 🤣🤣

That's exactly what she was going to do before he interfered with the plan. And because of that interference she now can't buy her own because it's sold out.

alfonzi · 05/10/2025 11:29

DreamTheMoors · 04/10/2025 22:20

Early on in our marriage, my husband went to the market down the road and bought me a paperback book as a gift for our first Christmas.
I couldn’t believe it.
I had put so much time and love and care into his gift - and he spent 10 minutes and £3 on me.
From then on, I got to choose my own gifts - not very much fun, but at least they were nice.
I still have the gifts - I don’t have the husband.

That sucks but yeah at least you have the gifts :D

I assume he wasn’t like that during dating then as so many men do he switched once you married right?

I have zero time for low effort men nowadays. I told my current partner who I met in his city while travelling abroad, that I really wanted to check out a museum exhibit. Ticket were going fast and I was worried he would mess me about and I’d miss my opportunity to see the museum before I flew home. But as promised he did organise and pay for tickets to said museum, then without me even knowing it he had also made dinner reservations to this lovely Asian fusion restaurant for afterwards.

It was such a contrast to the guy I mentioned upthread who just couldn’t be arsed with doing anything except telling me I was ungrateful and wanting sex (didn’t give him it thankfully).

There’s a phrase I hear nowadays “if he wanted to he would”. There is of course nuance to this and exceptions etc but as a rule of thumb it makes a lot of sense.

JoyousTern · 05/10/2025 11:26

Grow up. Buy your own. 🤣🤣

Doubleraspberry · 05/10/2025 11:02

I think MN would cease to exist very quickly if people could only post on strictly existential issues.

bgeebees · 05/10/2025 11:00

First world problems 🤦‍♀️ seriously?

Sparkletastic · 05/10/2025 10:25

Urgh so annoying. He is certainly not owed your gratitude. The Look Fantastic advent is fab if that’s an option.

Cherrytree86 · 05/10/2025 10:17

jen337 · 05/10/2025 10:13

It’s a calendar. Worse things happen at sea.

No shit

jen337 · 05/10/2025 10:13

It’s a calendar. Worse things happen at sea.

QuirkyRoseOtter · 05/10/2025 10:01

Thats so typical of a lot of men they dont see the need or urgancy, procastinate, miss the boat, yes you have every right to be annoyed. mind i told my DP i loved this certain necklace and had been looking for this sort for 8 months he said oh nice! so i told my daughter she said she would buy it me for my Birthday (this is last year) when she went to buy it it was gone i was so disappointed, my birthday came and went and i forgot about it ...come Christmas what a lovely surprise my DP had bought it and kept it back so it was a surprise for me it was a real big surprise.

purpleygirl · 05/10/2025 09:23

OP there are many times when I’ve gone to order something which I’m pleased to see is still in stock only to find when I’ve clicked through to pay for it that other people have beaten me to it. Yes it would have been better if he’d tried to place the order then and there but there are no guarantees.

onecrazycook · 05/10/2025 09:21

I don’t think you know what that word means