Am I ungrateful because DP didn’t buy the calendar I wanted before it sold out?

No-one says "Oh I tried to purchase this for you but it was sold it, you should be grateful". It obviously occured as a response to her having a tantrum at him and hurt he said it as a come back. Why do you think she posted this thread - because on some level she wants validation for having had a go at him.
Come on this is not rocket science.

this! What exactly is she supposed to be grateful for??

For me, it's the grateful part that would be an issue. Made a mistake, missed a sale - well, can happen. But then apologise, take responsibility and find how to make up for it. OP's partner did nothing of the sort, but said she should be grateful? And people here are saying that oh bless the poor lamb?

@N12n

he didn’t make a mistake! He just couldn’t be arsed to order it when Op said. He shouldn’t have offered to buy it if he couldn’t be bothered to click a few buttons and buy it to avoid disappointment.

I did read it. Quick summary. Partner makes a mistake (and even that is a maybe - it could have been sold out if she'd gone through to purchase it any how) - at that point she can cry over spilt milk and sabotage her relationship or behave in a manner that is more constructive such as offering ideas for an alternate gift.
One reaction is low EQ. One is high EQ. Each to their own.

@N12n

have you even read the thread? OP wanted to buy herself something nice, her husband said no he wanted to buy it for her, to treat her, she warned him to buy it quick else it’ll sell out - he couldn’t be bothered and he didn’t listen to her and he let her down. And so now Op doesn’t have her nice thing she wanted for herself. She shouldn’t just have to accept that, she can and should pull him up on it and she certainly doesn’t need to be grateful - he has done fuck all for her! She doesn’t have the calander!

It wasn't gender specific. Once people accept themselves they stop trying to compete with their partner and work as a team.

@N12n

so women should put up and shut up with men being complacent and a bit shit to lower the divorce rate? Yeah, no.

Not at all - I want to see people standing up for their spouses - erring on the side of positive over negative when uncertain, not allocating blame to someone that is their partner over trivial things. If people did this not only would divorces be far rarer but people would be happier.

@N12n

we get it! You consider yourself to be above liking things like beauty calendars. You a superior being, if only more of us could be like you and not concern ourselves with such trivial matters the world would be such a better place. Is that what you wanna hear?

He wasn’t even THAT rich - he was just richer than I was.
I was pulling in a nice salary as a Senior Senate aide. But I’d had enough.
And he was a pilot - and it was the same old worn out story of “Pilot leaves wife for stewardess.”
Christ what an assh*le.
Thank you for your kind words. ❤️

@N12n Fine you don’t understand why Op is upset or see the appeal of advent calendars- maybe just move on from the thread. You seem so annoyed.

She literally posted on an online forum about a calendar. Yes the height of sophistication and control I'm sure!

That’s understandable lol society does sell that lifestyle to women as if that’s the dream and it does work out for some, but others realise it’s not quite what they hoped for and are massively disappointed.

I always think a generous thoughtful man of average income is far better than a rich stingy thoughtless man.

I expect she raged and had a tantrum at him which made him respond that way.

This is way more of an unjustified stretch than anything you think people are inventing.

"Did he apologise, offer to fix it, find alternatives" You don't know if he did.
I expect she raged and had a tantrum at him which made him respond that way. People don't say that unprovoked.Now she wants validation for her tantrum. But even her biased account of what happens shows a lack of maturity in the relationship. Teenagers maybe early 20s people may still be sorting out their ego and working out who they are so I can see this kind of tit for tat blaming. After that - assuming they are married, they become a team and you should always see your partners actions in a positive light instead of trying your best to jump on any accidental faults. It's just toxic and they are actively vandalising their own relationship.

Except we do, because OP wrote 'He says I’m being ungrateful and that it’s not his fault.' Pretty sure she would not have started this topic if he had managed to get the calendar from ebay instead.
Mistakes happen but in a healthy relationship it's also normal to then say you're sorry, not to gaslight your partner to think they are at fault for not being grateful.

Instead of just saying ‘it sells out quickly’ it would have been better to say ‘it needs to be ordered now’. He had still tried to order that week so it doesn’t sound like he deliberately sabotaged the whole thing which is what some people think.

I also don’t think there is any point debating an angry exchange of words between two people in the heat of the moment, we weren’t there and we don’t know anything about them or their relationship.

We don't actually know what he did next - again you choose to fill in the blanks with your own negative spin. Thank you for proving my point.

Boggles my mind indeed. The partner messed up. Did he apologise, offer to fix it, find alternatives? No, he said it's not his fault and OP should be grateful.

Lol! It boggles my brain why people actively try to ruin their relationships by interpreting their partner in the most negative manner possible instead of doing the opposite.

All about perspective. My TLDR would be - if something is urgent don’t use a vague word like “quickly” - give a deadline.

(because he actually did act quickly, and he didn’t just think about it, he actually tried to order it).

No, the TLDR version is: if someone says they will do something but then they don't and actually make things worse, should you be grateful that the thought about doing it?

Thread TLDR Version.

If someone tries to do something nice for you but messes up - should you have a tantrum at them.

She didn’t expect him to buy a Christmas present now, he offered to buy her part of her Christmas present now.
it really doesn’t matter if you view the gift as a marketing con, that’s not the point of the thread.
OP was going to treat herself, he stopped her from doing that and said he wanted to treat her instead, she told him they sell fast, he left it too late.
and it isn’t something she wouldn’t get until Christmas. She’d get it December 1st.