Am I ungrateful because DP didn’t buy the calendar I wanted before it sold out?

DH does stuff like this, pisses about and delays until it's too late. Fucks me right off.
YANBU.

I guess it must seem that way to other people. I did say that I'm aware that I'm a bit different from most.

I don't like receiving gifts. I find it quite stressful if I don't know what to expect. I think it's the surprise element that I don't like.

If I knew in advance what it was, and it was something I definitely knew I wanted and would use, it would be OK I think. But if I'm given something I don't want, don't like and will never use I don't know what to do with it, it just adds to the clutter in my home.

I always emphasise to the rest of the family that I don't want to be given presents. Most of the time they comply. DH is the same as me. We never buy each other gifts.

I'm happy to buy gifts for other people, providing they give me some guidance as to what they would like.

There has been a link posted, and lots of us have told her to check in store - my local one still has stock.

Do you think maybe you buy each other expensive stuff to compensate for something lacking in your relationship?

We buy expensive stuff because we have a lot of money.
OP also didn't say she expected DH to take out a second mortgage to buy her treat, so I am guessing they can probably afford it.

Exactly and it clearly was all within a few days.

I think it depends on how long it took for him to go get it. If he left it for weeks and weeks after your conversation, and then casually went out to get it and it was gone, Id be cross too. But you speak about having a crappy week, so if all this happened within the space of a few days, then I think youre being a bit unreasonable.

TBH my DH is not great at buying gifts for me so I tend to buy things when I see them and give them to him to wrap up. He is more than happy to give me the money for anything I buy so we are both happy and it saves me having to pretend to like things he may have got which I wouldn’t like.

@Sheldonsheher

your opinion on beauty calanders is irrelevant to this thread. No one is offering to buy you one.

I’m not defending him outright - if she’d said “make sure you do it today” then I wouldn’t be defending him, but “quickly” was too vague, especially in the context of an advent calendar in September. So I’m not applauding incompetence because he wasn’t incompetent under the circumstances- he did actually get on and try to order “quickly”.

In your example, I would also defend her if he’d said tickets for a match sell out quickly and she hadn’t bought them immediately but left it a day or two (the match being over two months away, like the need for an advent calendar). Just like he had no idea that the need to buy an advent calendar was immediate rather than just “do it quickly”, she might have no idea that match tickets have to be bought immediately- I wouldn’t.

@LunaShadow

because she’s not stupid- she knows all too well that there are worse things in life. The bottom line is- she wanted to treat herself, husband said no he would buy it, but he couldn’t be bothered to sort it out in a timely way in spite of op clearly expressing to him that if he didn’t get it straightaway it would be sold out. So he let her down.

I'd love one of those calendars
But I'm vegan ,so would need it vegan and cruelty free .
Plusi expect I wouldn't know what to do with most of the stuff in it

Anyone searched ti help op find one?

Ha! If it had been for something he wanted, I’m sure acting “quickly” would have been more immediate. Say tickets to a match. He’d have understood what “selling out quickly” means. And what about the absolute cheek of expecting her to still be grateful??? Go on defending him if you enjoy applauding incompetence and man baby behaviour.

i can't believe how unkind people are being to op. Just because it's a beauty calendar. Does it matter what it is, or how much it costs?

I'm very low maintenance. But if my whole family knows how much I like something, how much something matters to me, then that makes it important. As a respect thing.

I can't think of an appropriate example. But if I always buy a £2.50 sweet that sells out quickly, and if I make a point to always get it, then someone insists on doing it, but then doesn't. Yes. That would majorly piss me off. Because I'd think, I don't ask for much. But you couldn't even be bothered to make sure, this one small thing, for me.

How is that NOT hurtful?

Maybe he's bought it and will surprise you with it on Christmas Day?

I voted YABU for caring so much about a beauty calander. Who invented this concept, some of them are so expensive!

This IS his fault. And now he's trying to divert from this. Badly. Only someone stupid and naieve doesn't grasp the concept that certain things sell out. Many things don't. Certain things sold at certain times of the year, eg Easter eggs, Christmas bits, do. Concert tickets are a scramble! My favourite alcohol advent calendar in only is certain shops, for a limited time, then poof gone. He's a twat. Worse still to almost gaslight you... you are probably just angry that you didn't buy it yourself. It's very painful when you realise you can't rely on someone. Made even worse when they don't take responsibility, aren't really sorry. Then you finally realise that they don't value you as highly as they should. That cuts deep. Next time your'll dk it yourself. Which is also kinda sad in a way.

How?
The OP is asking for opinions! There are bigger things in life to fall out over as the OP obviously knows from her other posts. I would think there must be another beauty calendar that would give the OP the sense of indulgence she wants!

advent calendar but with beauty products, not chocolate
usually a good deal if you use the majority of the stuff in as it’s cheaper to buy the calendar than the products separately

Oh gosh what a depressing way to look at life. Redundant human beings. No wonder you don't think mum's deserve anything for themselves if that's how unimportant their lives are to you.

@Allthatshines1992

also some of the time a parent will meet up with friends without their children in tow. Cos they wanna have adult talk and drink wine , that kind of thing. So of no benefit to the child.

@Allthatshines1992

nope. Not everything has to benefit the child. If a woman’s hobby is say salsa dancing no way should she give that up just because she’s become a mother. She can do it when the child is with their other parent or with a babysitter. It does kids good to know that their parents are human beings with their own interests.

Oh yes own friends, hobbies and interests go on in the background but never to the detriment of the child. Oftentimes the hobbies and activities subtly benefit the child (if hobbies are craft related or cooking related the child joins in and enjoys them too, if a friend lives on a farm and you go to see them the child gets to visit a farm). If the hobbies are not child related they occur while the child is asleep or are dropped altogether once the child is born.

@Allthatshines1992

who wants to do that? That’s not healthy for the parent or the child. It’s totally healthy and normal and beneficial for a person to maintain their own lives - their own friends, hobbies, interests once they become a parent.

Unless they live vicariously through their children