Do I take him at his word?

You and your children deserve better than this, OP. LTB

What kind of show have you booked - another ballet, or something different?

If he doesn't want to go, go without him and have fun. Then in a few months tell him it's time to take the kids on a just-dad-and-the-kids trip, whatever he thinks they would all enjoy, and you have a couple of days to yourself.

Go without him. Sod him. Miserable sod.

Men are, essentially, selfish. My DH did this many moons ago over the Xmas period. We took my eldest and the GF to a musical. DH sat with a face like thunder and huffed and puffed through it. Ruined mine and eldest’s night so I rarely book anything with him now; I either go on my own or go with a friend!

Definitely drop the rope, do not under any circumstances try to persuade him, get his ok to cancel his tickets in writing (WhatsApp or messages - that was a great idea of a PP) and do so. He sounds like he wants you to cajole him round, telling him much you want him there then spend the whole trip pandering to him to make sure he’s ok and having a nice time. It sounds exhausting but there are a lot of men I know who pull that sort of stunt. take the wind out of his sails by taking him at his word and at least it prevents this sort of thing repeating as he knows he won’t be pandered to like a toddler.

Of course he may just not want to go. But either way it’ll be a win-win not to have a sulky man baby trailing around like a wet blanket. I bet wrangling the kids will actually be easier without him, just keep things as easy and simple as possible and don’t over book yourselves.

So he's a selfish arse all the time? I don't understand why you are laughing at this. Presumably he was involved in the decision to have children, so what does he do to support you and nurture his dc?

Honestly, I'd say "OK so you don't want to come to X event for the dc, fine it will be MY special festive treat for them. What is YOUR festive treat with them going to be?"

If you want to be super-accommodating you could then link 3 alternative days out that are suitable for your dc - eg: a Santa ride on a steam train; a festive visit to a reindeer petting attraction; a day at home making Christmas wreaths and mince pies. Then you book time out for yourself: lunch and Christmas shopping with your Mum/sister/grandmother OR an adult only Christmas wine tasting OR a day volunteering to help with a local charity. (depending on what you know you will commit to, and that you cannot take any dc to)

Leave him to it. If he opts for nothing, then you still go ahead with your plan, and he has to deal with over-excited dc. What happens is not your responsibility. Unless you choose, once again, to rescue him (for the sake of your dc).

Cancel his ticket and don't even bother telling him you're going. Better yet, ltb

Yes of course cancel him. Why on earth wouldn’t you. It’s important for anyone to realise that words matter and that you should only say what you mean and mean what you say (sorry for the cliche but it does fit here!).

How much longer are you going to put up with this?

God love you OP.
He sounds like uncouth lowlife.
Poor children.

This is what I was going to say - it's rubbish you have to take the "get it in writing" route in a relationship, but he's already denied all knowledge on a conversation once so could well do it again!

I didn't go and see 'Alvin and the Chipmunks - The Squeakuel' five times because I enjoyed it. I went because I love my son, and I loved seeing his joy at watching that damn film.

What's the matter with this man that he doesn't want to be there to share in his children's Christmas joy and to give them a special family memory?

It's almost like he only loves himself, and doesn't even love his own children.

I'm sure he does get it, he just doesn't care enough. His comfort is more important.

You even asked him to come, not going to the show but be there to help you with the kids, I mean, that's not complicated to understand.

He's a selfish prick and I would definitely cancel his place and not bring it up again! Put it on the calendar and it's up to him to remember you and the DCs are going away.

He does get it, he just doesn't care. And why would it never happen that you could have some childfree time? Sounds like you have more issues than a ticket to the ballet to contend with.

Leave him at home. It might be hard work with three kids but you won’t have to constantly hope he’s enjoying it. The kids will love it and when you come home be sure to tell them to impress on him what a wonderful time they had.

You don't need to accept you and your kids being treated badly by this man.

They'll think it's normal, aspirational.

He's meant to be enhancing your life, making everything easier and fun, being an excellent, functional parent and role model.

He does get it. He absolutely gets it. He just doesn’t care. Because he’s an arse.

Find someone else to have the ticket and be another adult. Your mum or dad, his mum or dad, your sister, your friend….

That's the sad thing, that it's really about giving the kids a great Big Day Out memory and seeing them enjoy themselves was a key part of doing that for me. But its sad that he can't see that. His loss however. Sorry OP. I hope you go and maybe get a relative/friend to come too.. and have a wonderful time, whilst Scrooge Mac Duff watches Strictly on his own at home.

That’s so sad op. a lovely festive time with his family and he can’t just tag along and try enjoy it? if I were you I would cancel his side of the trip. Say nothing more to him about it.
go enjoy yourself with you dc and have a lovely time together. Leave his miserable backside at home!

just to say, if my Dh behaved that way I would be livid!!

He sounds an arse and a right boring git and its like youre turning into his mum.

Cancel his part and use the money to enjoy some child free time of you own.

He gets it; it's just not a priority for him.

I had a dad like this!
We have a shit relationship now. And he regularly waxes lyrical about all the things 'we' did when I was younger, when all.i remember is him not being there, taking the piss or sat there with a face on. Really put a shadow over my childhood, to be honest.