Page 6 | How would you split the cost of this trip?

GetBendyWithWendy · 2025-10-01T08:44:29+00:00

Surprise birthday trip for the parent of adult children. Attending: The other parent. One adult child with a spouse and teen. One single childless adult child.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 06/10/2025 14:53

GetBendyWithWendy · 06/10/2025 14:51

Most important, Which one are you in this situation?

That’s not the most important thing at all. Surely if you have any idea of what split is fair, you think it’s fair regardless of who is asking?

You just want to know out of nosiness curiosity!

There isn’t an objectively “fair” split. There are too many factors, a parent for whom it is supposed to be a gift, a child with more children etc.

Original poster

GetBendyWithWendy · 06/10/2025 14:51

Most important, Which one are you in this situation?

That’s not the most important thing at all. Surely if you have any idea of what split is fair, you think it’s fair regardless of who is asking?

You just want to know out of nosiness curiosity!

OP posts:

Change2banon · 05/10/2025 13:23

GetBendyWithWendy · 03/10/2025 19:50

What relevant information are you missing, @Change2banon?

Well you’ve answered 1 already to say whose idea it was. But to go further on that, given it as a collective idea, what was discussed at the time re cost etc?
What actual costs are involved? (Accommodation only? Flights? Transport Etc)
Most important, Which one are you in this situation?
Why do you need the thoughts of mn if you already have in your head what you want to do?

Original poster

GetBendyWithWendy · 03/10/2025 19:50

What relevant information are you missing, @Change2banon?

OP posts:

Change2banon · 03/10/2025 14:06

Still not had much relevant information from you OP. Which one are you in this scenario??
In my view, the 2 siblings pay 50/50. Job done.

dontmalbeconme · 03/10/2025 01:14

autienotnaughty · 02/10/2025 21:54

I’d do per room
so if it’s £800 for 4 bedrooms
£200 parent
£200 single
£400 parents and teen

So each family unit paying for themselves. Not clear how this is a big birthday present!

autienotnaughty · 02/10/2025 21:54

I’d do per room
so if it’s £800 for 4 bedrooms
£200 parent
£200 single
£400 parents and teen

Original poster

GetBendyWithWendy · 02/10/2025 18:41

It’s a present to yourself, something you want to do that happened to be around the date of the birthday parent. Not Somethimg planned around the birthday parent.

This isn’t true.

OP posts:

Original poster

GetBendyWithWendy · 02/10/2025 18:40

I wouldn't think it much of a surprise present for me if my kids expected my husband to also pony up!

My mother’s not like that, thankfully.

OP posts:

Morit · 02/10/2025 16:40

ParmaVioletTea · 02/10/2025 15:55

If you read the poster's response to my saying this a tad more gently, you'll see - quite a bit ....

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Again, did you see my comment clarifying why we have this arrangement? Why it works?

You're just ignoring that part, in order to have another little dig?

KarenbyNameButNotbyNature · 02/10/2025 16:22

I wouldn't think it much of a surprise present for me if my kids expected my husband to also pony up!

The gift is for the Mum to have all her family with her so the cost of that happening should just be halved between the 2 kids gifting her the surprise.

ParmaVioletTea · 02/10/2025 15:55

NellieElephantine · 01/10/2025 22:07

Absolutely how much of a piss taking freeloader would the parent of 3 be,to expect their child free sibling to fund their children!

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If you read the poster's response to my saying this a tad more gently, you'll see - quite a bit ....

GetBendyWithWendy · 02/10/2025 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MaurineWayBack · 02/10/2025 10:00

GetBendyWithWendy · 01/10/2025 13:56

This is precisely it, thank you! We all agreed, so I don’t know why people are getting hung up on who made the original suggestion.

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So basically you’ve decided to all go away on hols together and your ‘gift’ is the birthday parent not paying.

As a birthday present go, I think it’s shit. It’s a present to yourself, something you want to do that happened to be around the date of the birthday parent. Not Somethimg planned around the birthday parent. So I hope you’ve also planned to give them a present too.

But as it’s a holiday and basically just that, then yes splitting it between adults sounds fairer.

Btw the idea that the 11yo would for a birthday gift too… Has it ever happened? Have you given a birthday present to your grand parents as a child/teenager?
Tbh we’ve never done that with our dcs. Nor have I ever given a birthday oresent to my own grand parents. Nor has dh. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ so yes, not a given at all.

dontmalbeconme · 02/10/2025 09:41

Eenameenadeeka · 02/10/2025 02:00

Assuming there are 4 rooms (parents, married adult child, teen and single adult child) I think each adult child covers themselves (and family) and then half each for the parents.
So married child pays 2.5 rooms, and single child pays 1.5 rooms.

I think this seems reasonable, and makes it actually a gift.

Eenameenadeeka · 02/10/2025 02:00

Assuming there are 4 rooms (parents, married adult child, teen and single adult child) I think each adult child covers themselves (and family) and then half each for the parents.
So married child pays 2.5 rooms, and single child pays 1.5 rooms.

HoppingPavlova · 02/10/2025 00:12

In that case, there’s no point for a partner to ever give a present to the other ‘because it’s joint money‘

No, these are two different things. A spouse/partner giving a gift is just that, here is a gift. What they are not saying is ‘here is a gift, I’ve treated you to this and you don’t need to pay’. It’s implicitly accepted that the recipient spouse has indeed funded their own gift BUT that’s okay as it’s not the point of the gift.

However, children claiming to one parent that they have provided a gift to them, when making the other parent pay, is also making the recipient parent pay and that’s pretty disingenuous. If you are going to pull this then at least don’t claim it’s a ‘free gift’ to one parent, as it’s subsidising them paying a portion of their own gift.

jbm16 · 01/10/2025 23:36

Depends on what people can afford, if I were the other parent I would pay for everyone, if not perhaps divded between the 4 adults?

Morit · 01/10/2025 23:31

NellieElephantine · 01/10/2025 23:09

Maybe you need to caveat your posts with
#NoDebate?

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What are you talking about?

NellieElephantine · 01/10/2025 23:09

Morit · 01/10/2025 22:31

Maybe read my post following this one before announcing that my sibling is a piss taking freeloader?

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Maybe you need to caveat your posts with
#NoDebate?

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 01/10/2025 23:04

Morit · 01/10/2025 22:31

Maybe read my post following this one before announcing that my sibling is a piss taking freeloader?

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I have a similar relationship with my sibling. We don’t count the pennies. We’re just happy to be together.

Morit · 01/10/2025 22:31

NellieElephantine · 01/10/2025 22:07

Absolutely how much of a piss taking freeloader would the parent of 3 be,to expect their child free sibling to fund their children!

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Maybe read my post following this one before announcing that my sibling is a piss taking freeloader?

Morit · 01/10/2025 22:30

timeandagainagain · 01/10/2025 20:38

This split sounds terribly unfair to the sibling without children. Is it safe to assume you are one of the siblings with 2 or 3 DC? It isn't easy to say that its unfair to constantly subsidize nieces and nephews, so if I were the sibling with children, I would offer to pay more.

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Did you read my next comment on this?

NellieElephantine · 01/10/2025 22:07

timeandagainagain · 01/10/2025 20:38

This split sounds terribly unfair to the sibling without children. Is it safe to assume you are one of the siblings with 2 or 3 DC? It isn't easy to say that its unfair to constantly subsidize nieces and nephews, so if I were the sibling with children, I would offer to pay more.

Show quote history

Absolutely how much of a piss taking freeloader would the parent of 3 be,to expect their child free sibling to fund their children!

timeandagainagain · 01/10/2025 20:38

Morit · 01/10/2025 14:08

We do this kind of thing a lot. Three siblings, with 0/2/3 DC respectively. It's always split between the adults. No one has ever mentioned one sibling paying less/more because of the number of DC. The headcount for the purpose of paying is adults only.

In this case, we'd pay for both parents and split everything three ways. It's worked quite happily for about 20 years now!

Same with food/drinks. We do a big order/delivery of whatever we need and split it three ways. Otherwise you're into "Robert had two rashers of bacon! I'm a vegetarian, and carrots are cheaper, and your DD just ate another bagel' territory and that would be the end of the happy times

This split sounds terribly unfair to the sibling without children. Is it safe to assume you are one of the siblings with 2 or 3 DC? It isn't easy to say that its unfair to constantly subsidize nieces and nephews, so if I were the sibling with children, I would offer to pay more.