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Original poster

How would you split the cost of this trip?

361 replies

GetBendyWithWendy · 01/10/2025 09:44

Surprise birthday trip for the parent of adult children.

Attending:
The other parent.
One adult child with a spouse and teen.
One single childless adult child.

OP posts:
Original poster
GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 10:17

BuckChuckets · 07/10/2025 10:11

Genuine question, do you feel like you're answering people's questions in a chill and breezy manner? Because you've come here to ask people's opinions, and you really are coming across as short, prickly, and defensive. Which is of course fine, you do you and all that, but are you honestly oblivious to how you're coming across?

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I’ve answered questions perfectly politely. I’ve only become frustrated when people push for irrelevant information because they want a bit of the juice.

OP posts:
Original poster
GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 10:15

But the cost of the gift is materially affected by the number of people involved. It’s not like buying a physical item where the cost is the same no matter how it’s split.

OP posts:
BuckChuckets · 07/10/2025 10:11

GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 08:46

But there’s no reason anyone needs to ask. She’s claiming it’s the most vital piece of information, when actually it has no impact at all. She only wants to know for her own purposes.

Interesting that certain people are so quick to dismiss an OP as “prickly” or “defensive” if they dare to stand their ground…

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Genuine question, do you feel like you're answering people's questions in a chill and breezy manner? Because you've come here to ask people's opinions, and you really are coming across as short, prickly, and defensive. Which is of course fine, you do you and all that, but are you honestly oblivious to how you're coming across?

Stillgroupie · 07/10/2025 10:11

We always split on number of rooms occupied. So if one family uses two rooms, but another uses one, the first family pay double what the second do.
In this case, whoever is giving the trip as a gift pays a share of the cost - if that includes the non-surprise parent then they pay their share.

dontmalbeconme · 07/10/2025 09:53

GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 09:37

You wouldn’t expect a parent to pay anything towards the cost of their child?

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? That's not remotely related to what I said.

You and your sibling are buying your parent an expensive birthday gift. You seem to think that your siblings partner needs to also contribute equally to this expensive birthday gift even though it was decided by you and your sibling and being gifted from you and your sibling.

Do you buy your BIL/SILS parents expensive gifts? I suspect not. So why do you expect them to buy your parents an expensive gift?

thepariscrimefiles · 07/10/2025 09:51

GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 08:32

You’re clearly quite hostile about talking about this, even anonymously to strangers.

I'm not hostile at all. I’m just interested as to why @Change2banon needs to know who I am in the story. She claims it’s not nosiness - so what is it?

Because she thinks that you are the single adult child so would prefer to split the cost between the four adults. If you are the single adult child, I do think that your sister or brother with a spouse and a teen needs to pay more than you, even if you decide to pay for both parents.

Original poster
GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 09:37

dontmalbeconme · 07/10/2025 09:20

But why is your BIL/SIL responsible for paying for the gift that you and your sibling are giving to your parent? Do you buy your BIL/SILs parents expensive birthday gifts?

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You wouldn’t expect a parent to pay anything towards the cost of their child?

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 07/10/2025 09:34

HoppingPavlova · 01/10/2025 11:54

@GetBendyWithWendy Why?

Honestly, if you need any explanation, let alone further than what’s above, all hope is lost. You can’t explain decency or respect to someone who doesn’t appear to understand why this would be arsehole move of the century.

Just so glad you are not one of mine🫤.

Lol - arsehole move of the century!! Hyperbole on steroids!

Unless it was my birthday, I wouldn't ever expect my adult children to pay for my holiday/trip. It's more likely that I would subsidise one of my children who is a much lower earner than the other two and whose wage is probably less than my pensions.

dontmalbeconme · 07/10/2025 09:20

GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 09:00

I have said this earlier in the thread. 4-way split between the adults.

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But why is your BIL/SIL responsible for paying for the gift that you and your sibling are giving to your parent? Do you buy your BIL/SILs parents expensive birthday gifts?

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 07/10/2025 09:16

GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 09:12

Eh? How do you get five?

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Sorry, I misread and thought you had an adult child.

I’m guessing you’re the single, childless child. If you begrudge paying the same as your sibling. Don’t go. You’re not going on an individual holiday, you’re going as a family. You’re paying as a family unit. You have to not think about it in terms of your own individual unit.

Just don’t do it.

Original poster
GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 09:12

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 07/10/2025 09:08

But there are five adults if you don’t include the birthday parent.

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Eh? How do you get five?

OP posts:
Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 07/10/2025 09:08

GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 09:00

I have said this earlier in the thread. 4-way split between the adults.

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But there are five adults if you don’t include the birthday parent.

Original poster
GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 09:00

IchiNiSanShiGo · 07/10/2025 08:55

What do YOU think is the fairest way to split it OP?

I have said this earlier in the thread. 4-way split between the adults.

OP posts:
Original poster
GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 08:59

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 07/10/2025 08:48

There is no “fair way to split”. That’s the point. The “fairest way to split” is very likely to be different depending on which person you are in the situation.

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It isn’t the point though. The point I am making is entirely unrelated.

Where there’s a fair split is ultimately for me to worry about. It’s your opinion that there’s no one way fair way to split, and that’s a valid opinion. But my point still stands. Why do YOU need to know who’s who in the story to express that opinion? You don’t. Does your view that there is no fair split change if I tell you I’m the parent, or I’m the childless sibling, or I’m a friend sharing their situation? It shouldn’t.

OP posts:
IchiNiSanShiGo · 07/10/2025 08:55

What do YOU think is the fairest way to split it OP?

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 07/10/2025 08:48

GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 08:44

Why though? If someone has a view on what is the right split, surely that is still their view no matter who’s asking?

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There is no “fair way to split”. That’s the point. The “fairest way to split” is very likely to be different depending on which person you are in the situation.

Original poster
GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 08:46

KimHwn · 07/10/2025 08:36

It's hilarious to post a personal situation and then to call people nosy for asking about it!
I get that it can be tricky to work out who pays what in situations like these, but your prickly replies show you're not really open to changing your mind anyway.

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But there’s no reason anyone needs to ask. She’s claiming it’s the most vital piece of information, when actually it has no impact at all. She only wants to know for her own purposes.

Interesting that certain people are so quick to dismiss an OP as “prickly” or “defensive” if they dare to stand their ground…

OP posts:
Original poster
GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 08:44

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 07/10/2025 08:36

It’s a reasonable question.

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Why though? If someone has a view on what is the right split, surely that is still their view no matter who’s asking?

OP posts:
KimHwn · 07/10/2025 08:36

GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 08:32

You’re clearly quite hostile about talking about this, even anonymously to strangers.

I'm not hostile at all. I’m just interested as to why @Change2banon needs to know who I am in the story. She claims it’s not nosiness - so what is it?

It's hilarious to post a personal situation and then to call people nosy for asking about it!
I get that it can be tricky to work out who pays what in situations like these, but your prickly replies show you're not really open to changing your mind anyway.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 07/10/2025 08:36

GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 08:32

You’re clearly quite hostile about talking about this, even anonymously to strangers.

I'm not hostile at all. I’m just interested as to why @Change2banon needs to know who I am in the story. She claims it’s not nosiness - so what is it?

It’s a reasonable question.

Original poster
GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 08:32

You’re clearly quite hostile about talking about this, even anonymously to strangers.

I'm not hostile at all. I’m just interested as to why @Change2banon needs to know who I am in the story. She claims it’s not nosiness - so what is it?

OP posts:
Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 07/10/2025 08:23

GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 08:19

Ok hun.

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Don’t do it.

You’re clearly quite hostile about talking about this, even anonymously to strangers.

When you do this kind of holiday, you have to welcome the idea that you might end up paying what you consider your fair share because you’re going on what others think of a fair split. You have to focus on the fact that you’re all having a nice time on holiday together. Not who paid what and who had how much of that or the biggest bedroom etc. I don’t think you’ll be able to do that. You’re going to end up arguing with your family.

Original poster
GetBendyWithWendy · 07/10/2025 08:19

Change2banon · 06/10/2025 23:32

Not nosiness. And you’re still not saying… that says it all really 🤷‍♀️

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Ok hun.

OP posts:
Barney16 · 07/10/2025 07:31

So we have done various versions of this and it all hinges on whose idea it is. So my mum may say let's go away and she pays the whole bill, if it was for my mum and dad my brother and I would split the cost between us. If it was a joint enterprise we would split three ways. Expenses during the trip we spilt in a sort of haphazard way but would end up paying about equal, food, meals out etc.

Change2banon · 06/10/2025 23:32

GetBendyWithWendy · 06/10/2025 14:51

Most important, Which one are you in this situation?

That’s not the most important thing at all. Surely if you have any idea of what split is fair, you think it’s fair regardless of who is asking?

You just want to know out of nosiness curiosity!

Not nosiness. And you’re still not saying… that says it all really 🤷‍♀️