How would you split the cost of this trip?

@HoppingPavlova
But in the case of a couple, and your parents at that, whose joint money funded you through many years of life, that means the birthday person would be paying for their own gift

In that case, there’s no point for a partner to ever give a present to the other ‘because it’s joint money’
And the example of the meal is exactly that. The children are inviting the parent(s). The non birthday parent doesn’t take any credit for the meal. It’s assumed they’ll have sorted somethimg else for their spouse right?

Can you write longer than one sentence at a time? (As in, are you physically able to? 😂) This whole thread feels like pulling teeth.

Parents pay for everyone as it's a trip for the parent

@MaurineWayBack If the other parent wants to be seen as a gift giver, they pay too

But in the case of a couple, and your parents at that, whose joint money funded you through many years of life, that means the birthday person would be paying for their own gift, albeit at a reduced rate. So, it would be a case of ‘happy birthday dad, we are taking you away and making you pay, and giving you you a discount on your share’. That’s not taking someone away.

It’s no different to taking your parents out to dinner if it’s one of their birthdays. At the end you’d really sit there and say ‘Happy birthday dad, I’m paying for yours. Mum, I see you had the steak and a glass of wine, so I’ll need 30 from you’? No one would ever do this. The holiday is no different.

If it were our family we would do:

Total Cost: £800

1adult with no child - £300
Adult couple with teen - £300
Birthday adult & partner - £200 (to account for it being a birthday gift)

If I was the couple with teen I'd probably pay for a special meal/food for the air bnb/outing for the group.

But my siblings are very tight to be honest so I'd most likely end up paying more 🤣

Because it’s a present from the parent + the two children to the other parent.
Not a present from all 5 adults (if you assume the teen is an adult).
And it’s not a hols either where you want to split it fairly.

Youve chosen to give the parent a gift that happens to benefit other people too. Your choice tbh. You could have gone away just the 4 of you (parents plus adult children wo spouse or teen) instead.
With a reminder that the person who benefits the most is the parent. That gets to see the whole family during that stay.

If she is, she’s not entirely alone. I don’t think my kids owe me anything for holidays when they were kids, but I would be pissed off if they were organising a surprise present for me and expecting me to pay towards it - which is, in effect, what my husband contributing means.

What is the cost difference of 4 adults vs 3 adults splitting it?

Really?
Because I’m finding your explanation pretty crap tbh.
Im not taking my (adult shock horror) on hols either me with the idea they’ll have to repay me later on by doing the same.

Indo t see my relationship with them as transactional at all.

And re this specific birthday present, I’d treat it like any other present.
If the other parent wants to be seen as a gift giver, they pay too.
If the gift/holuday is from the children only, they pay half each.

Is this a present from the adult children to their parent?

And you need 4 rooms

If so, I would say each adult child pays for their room(s), so the adult with spouse and teen pays for 2 rooms, single adult child pays for 1.
Then the cost of the parents’ room I would split 50:50 between the adult children.

Single adult child pays 37.5% of cost (25% for their room, 12.5% for their half of parents’ room)
Adult child with teen pays 62.5% of cost.

I wouldn’t make the second parent pay. And I wouldn’t consider the impact of a second earner in one of the adult children’s households.

Lets just say the birthday parent is mum, other parent is dad. Adult Kids are Sarah (Has DH and DD) and Michael (Single).

As the gift is for Sarah and Michaels mum, I would expect the full cost to be split between them. If dad wants to contribute then that comes off the top before splitting.

In my DHs family when the took their parents out for a celebration meal it was split between the 3 siblings. Even though at the time BIL came out 'better' from it as he had children we didn't. SIL came out worst as she didn't have a partner.

50/50 as it’s a present. Treat both parents

And the teen gets last pick of the rooms.

It should be split 4 ways, for each of the adults going. So the other parent if they were involved with planning, pays for 1, the child with a spouse pay 2, and the single child pays 1

That’s very transactional. If you resent the money why are you doing it?

In my family, the other parent would be the one to pay it all….

Otherwise, I’d do it depending in finances for all involved.
If the other parent is involved and wants to be seen as involved in the b’day present, then all 3 are paying (the 2 adult dcs and the other parent)

My husband and I don't buy each other gifts for this reason. We make each other presents or surprise each other with thoughtful things, but anything involving real money is a discussion.

Anyway I think this trip is a terrible idea if you're already bickering.

What’s the room set up?

I'd expect the parents to get the best room with the ensuite (respect plus birthhday) and the teen end up in the worst room tbh.