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Original poster

How would you split the cost of this trip?

361 replies

GetBendyWithWendy · 01/10/2025 09:44

Surprise birthday trip for the parent of adult children.

Attending:
The other parent.
One adult child with a spouse and teen.
One single childless adult child.

OP posts:
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Maddy70 · 09/10/2025 23:27

All adult children split the cost equally

Change2banon · 09/10/2025 14:30

So you’ve been stalking me @GetBendyWithWendy .. nice, not unhinged behaviour at all 🤔

sandyhappypeople · 08/10/2025 14:12

Is there an problem with the holiday @GetBendyWithWendy ?

I've been following the thread for all it's ups and downs, I got the impression you were just after different view points, but has there been a fallout about it at all?

The advice may be different if there's an ongoing dispute with your family rather than just getting ideas of what other people would do in the same situation, all families are different so you may not be getting a true idea of what is reasonable or not as everyone is thinking of their own families.

SleeplessInWherever · 08/10/2025 12:44

Well wow.

@GetBendyWithWendy - just do whatever your family decides, it’s really not this deep.

doodleygirl · 08/10/2025 12:44

As an extended family we do this, we generally split it by siblings.

SoOriginal · 08/10/2025 12:34

Is the couple with the teen taking 2 rooms? If so then I think it’s fair pay more. If you’re all taking one room each then it should be split three ways.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 08/10/2025 12:32

Blimey, OP 😬

GetBendyWithWendy · 08/10/2025 12:22

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dontmalbeconme · 08/10/2025 12:03

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GetBendyWithWendy · 08/10/2025 12:00

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dontmalbeconme · 08/10/2025 11:56

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Original poster
GetBendyWithWendy · 08/10/2025 11:45

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You really don’t think repeatedly asking me the same question when I’ve said it doesn’t matter isn’t goady? Refusing to answer me when I’ve asked several times WHY she needs this information? Deliberately doing something I had already said I found patronising?

Plenty of people have done as you suggest and expressed their views politely, from several different viewpoints. Almost 14 pages’ worth of people. The ones that stand out as nasty and goady all come from you and your little friend. Vile suggestions that I have mental health problems, all under the laughably thin veneer of “trying to help”. That’s why I said you were spreading poison and I stand by it.

There is nothing kind about your suggestions. If you’re so bothered about what I’m saying on this thread, get off it. Nothing you say is of any interest to me. You’re at best acting like a po-faced schoolmarm, and at worst are dressing plain, simple bullying up as “concern”. Just go.

OP posts:
MNHQ
HebeMumsnet · 08/10/2025 11:15

Morning, all. We're just here to appeal for a bit of good old-fashioned peace and love. We've had to delete a few posts already but if the thread becomes a total bunfight, we'll have to close it.

dontmalbeconme · 08/10/2025 11:03

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Original poster
GetBendyWithWendy · 08/10/2025 10:46

Trying to help?! Don’t make me laugh. She’s being deliberately and consistently goady.

OP posts:
dontmalbeconme · 08/10/2025 10:43

GetBendyWithWendy · 08/10/2025 10:12

It’s 100% accurate.

Show quote history

Its just you being unpleasant to someone trying to help you.

HairsprayBabe · 08/10/2025 10:36

@GetBendyWithWendy

I don't know why the single person - who ever they are - is so bitter about splitting, in our family we simply would not care.

I have paid more than my share, and less than my share on occasions, in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter I want to spend time with my family - the costs (as long as they are affordable) are irrelevant.

When I was pregnant I didn't insist the wine was paid separately for at meals out.
My Dsis was unemployed for a while, we were all happy to share her costs so she could join us on a family trip.
My Dbro is unable to drive due to a medical condition - we don't charge him milage or space in a vehicle.
I have small children now, my family are happy to spilt the cost of a larger holiday property so we can all go together.

To me it is just all part of being family.

Original poster
GetBendyWithWendy · 08/10/2025 10:12

dontmalbeconme · 08/10/2025 09:41

Again, do you not see how this post is inappropriate?

Show quote history

It’s 100% accurate.

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 08/10/2025 10:10

I think it's obvious.

The cost of the parents' (both of them, assuming you can't take one without the other and you can't ask them to pay if the trip is a gift from the DC) trip is the gift so that cost is split between the 2 adult children. They then also pay for themselves and their family (for the one bringing their spouse and DC).

meganorks · 08/10/2025 10:02

dontmalbeconme · 08/10/2025 09:46

Yes, if it was a shared family holiday that would be how I'd split it too. But, it is a gift from Sibling 1 and Sibling 2 to a parent. IMO the cost of the gift should be shared equally by the people giving the gift.

Show quote history

I missed the gift part. I still aay split by rooms taken. And then siblings pay equally for parents room. Or if your being miserly, maybe half of the room split between them on the basis that one parent isn't getting the gift.

If there's arguments already at this stage of who's paying for what, for God's sake don't go out for dinner 😂

dontmalbeconme · 08/10/2025 09:49

GloryFades · 08/10/2025 09:43

Divide cost by number of rooms. Every adult pays for the number of rooms their household is using.

For me, the gift would be that I’m spending my holiday allowance and money on attending a holiday I wouldn’t have otherwise done, so my Dad would pay in full for his and Mum’s room for her birthday. I’d probably also take a token gift.

It would be okay to also redistribute 2/3 of parents room to the other two households attending - but then Dad is getting a bargain.

Lol at the "my gift to you is paying my own costs for a holiday for myself"! That's an unusual take on it!

dontmalbeconme · 08/10/2025 09:46

meganorks · 08/10/2025 09:41

I would say for accommodation, by rooms taken. So if it's 3 bed and family of teen are sharing with them, 200 each ter room. If teen gets their own room then family pay for 2 - £300 for them and £150 for single adult and couple

Yes, if it was a shared family holiday that would be how I'd split it too. But, it is a gift from Sibling 1 and Sibling 2 to a parent. IMO the cost of the gift should be shared equally by the people giving the gift.

GloryFades · 08/10/2025 09:43

Divide cost by number of rooms. Every adult pays for the number of rooms their household is using.

For me, the gift would be that I’m spending my holiday allowance and money on attending a holiday I wouldn’t have otherwise done, so my Dad would pay in full for his and Mum’s room for her birthday. I’d probably also take a token gift.

It would be okay to also redistribute 2/3 of parents room to the other two households attending - but then Dad is getting a bargain.

MissIonX · 08/10/2025 09:43

GetBendyWithWendy · 01/10/2025 12:40

My feeling is that the fairest split is four ways between the adults.

Three ways between “households” just seems unfair to me. It means a single person pays the same for their accommodation and a share of the birthday parent’s as their sibling is paying for three people. But including a teenager as a full adult also feels unfair, as they can’t possibly contribute as an adult. Therefore four adult shares seems the fairest solution.

In my family this would be split 3 ways in the scenario you describe as it's a gift between three households and therefore would be split as such.

In my reality though my siblings and I would likely split it so both parents are given the treat. The other parent would then likely contribute more to food/ drinks for the household along with the siblings that are more financially comfortable.

We don't squabble about finances though and are very supportive of one another.

dontmalbeconme · 08/10/2025 09:41

GetBendyWithWendy · 08/10/2025 09:36

It’s my thread. If you’ve got a problem, YOU step away and stop spreading your poison.

Again, do you not see how this post is inappropriate?