Do I send the kids when they don’t want to go

My line in the sand is actually that I won't force them. I will give light encouragement, but his relationship with them is his to manage.

They need someone reliable, and that's me, and I will not force a crying child out of the door to see a parent that they don't want to see. If he wants to try and drag them out, then that's his relationship to damage with them.

I also require notice of intention to see the kids - my solicitor thought I was mad to only ask for 2 weeks notice (which I am firm about, it's not a big ask) as he felt it should be a firm timetable, but I know my ex, and that would be pointless. 2 weeks notice, with the ability to say no if the kids don't want to go was a good deal for me.

Why should the op have to help navigate them having a relationship with a father who seems at best disinterested in them? Why is he not expected to step up and be a father?

They need to see their dad. You need to help them navigate that, not give them an out.

Get dad to talk to.them. I don't think you should have to persuade them. Perhaps he can organise something suitable to entice them? No doubt it might seem boring if they don't do much usually and they are not amongst their things

Have you sat down and had a conversation with them about why they don’t like going?

It could be something as small as they don’t like how dark it is in their rooms at night or the cereal he gives them for breakfast.

You need to speak to them and ask why they don’t like going and explain how important it is that they see their dad and maintain a relationship with him but if there’s things that can be changed to make them happier, both you and their dad want to do that.

Whatever they tell you, approach their dad for a conversation with the attitude that it’s important to you that they maintain a relationship with him and your speaking to him so that can happen. Remind him you’re not trying to fight or cause arguments but just communicate the problems they’ve shared with you so that changes can be made.

Of course they do. Or do you think because it's a pain for you, they should be deprived of the bond and love they have with the other parent?

So difficult.

if it’s court ordered contact then yes they have to go if it’s not then no they don’t have too. But if keeping a relationship with their dad is in their best interests then you need to do that. Put your feelings to the side, yes it’s inconvenient for you to sort everything out but if you don’t your children may not forgive you in the future. Perhaps get to the bottom of why they don’t want to go